


Internal Affairs

by PrudenceKimberly



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Family, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-16
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2018-04-26 16:58:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 27
Words: 89,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5012617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrudenceKimberly/pseuds/PrudenceKimberly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All it takes is one second, one phone call, one case, for the peace that she worked hard for, to come to an end. Olivia thought that life was finally taking it easy on her. She had her son, and her relationship with Barba was going strong and steady. But when one particular case opens up old wounds and brings up demons from her past, would she be able to survive?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All the main cast belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I merely own the plot, and any new characters. This story has been nagging me for quite some time, and since I am a massive Barson fan, I think it might be nice to see how they handle it.

It was a beautiful morning, the sun shone through the curtains and onto the messy sheets, arousing the sleeping form tangled within its folds. Hair disheveled, those gorgeous brown locks framing her face and covering parts of it, even sticking to the slightly smudged eyeliner that got messed up in last night's festivities. Her eyes fluttered open, a content sigh escaping her lips as her hand stretched out beside her in search of the warm body that kept her company the night before, only for her hand to be met with the cold sheets. She turned her head slowly, and frowned at the empty pillow next to her. She lifted her head slightly, a smile tugging at her lips when she saw that the crumbled up clothes from last night were now neatly folded on the chair next to the closet. She shook her head in amusement as a soft chuckle left her lips at her boyfriend's antics.

Her boyfriend! She had given up on that a while ago, especially after Noah, especially with her track record. She'd had some successful relationships before, but something always seemed to tank them. Whether it was a job transfer, a difference in what they want out of the relationship, or where the relationship was heading. And after she adopted Noah, she totally gave up on that. Most men have trouble with a woman in a position of power who was on call every second of every day. And then you add a baby to that mix, and she's radioactive.

But like they always say, it happens when you're not looking.

Never in a million years did she think that he out of all people would be the one she falls head over heels for, without even realizing it. And never in her wildest fantasies did she think that not only would he be acceptable of Noah, but that he would be as good to him as she was. He nurtured him, endured his tantrums, and didn't care in the slightest how he looked as he made funny faces at the hysterical two-year old. It's true that he wasn't a baby person, but it seemed that Noah was able to wrap him around his tiny finger.

The faint sounds of giggling and laughter coming from the kitchen warmed her heart and she scurried out of bed to catch a glimpse of the goofy grin she was sure they both had on their faces. If there's one thing she couldn't get enough of, it was the look of absolute adoration he had in his eyes as he looked at Noah, and how completely content and peaceful he looked when Noah was around.

She tiptoed out of the room, careful not to make a single sound to alert them of her presence, the noises getting louder with each step she took. She could hear his hushed voice as he tried to calm the happily squealing child.

"Mijo, we're gonna wake your Mami up like that, and she needs her rest," he scolded half-heartedly, and she had to suppress a laugh. She peeked her head around the corner, and saw Noah standing on the counter, relentlessly messing with the colorful tie the sharply dressed ADA had on, as the latter tried – and miserably failed – to glare at him to stop.

Rafael Barba, the last man you would expect to sweep her off her feet, and push away all the demons she had spent years harboring. Not to mention take such good care of her son. Her smile grew even more when her mind wandered back to the first time Noah had taken a liking to the counselor's color schemes.

* * *

 

_ It had been a long day, the case they caught kept getting more and more complicated, until Carisi's crazy theory explained it all. And because out of all days, today had to be the day Lucy came down with something, Noah was dropped off at her office, and she spent half the day bossing her squad around with her two-year old balanced on her hip. And the fact that she was one detective short really didn't help the situation. She didn't know what was taking so long, but they still hadn't sent her a new detective to replace Nick. After all, Carisi was dumped in her lap less than a week after she put in the request. And it's been nearly a month since Nick put in his papers, and she put in the request. _

_But thankfully, the day was finally coming to an end, with Carisi and Amanda getting a full confession from their rapist._

_"Good job, guys," she complimented as they both made their way out of the interrogation room, with a notepad in Amanda's hand with the detailed account of what the pervert did to the six women he abducted. They both bowed their heads dramatically, graciously accepting the praise._

_"I hear the glory should go to one of your crazy theories," a voice quipped from behind her, and she turned around to see their ADA walking towards them._

_"You should listen to me more often!" Carisi gloated jokingly, and Olivia had to stifle a laugh at Amanda's eye roll. Their childish banter never failed to amuse her, and it appeared that they quite enjoyed it as well._

_"Then we'd never close a case," she retorted._

_"Casual Friday, Counselor?" Fin wondered, as he eyed Barba's lack of a suit jacket and vest, as he too joined the four of them with Noah happily munching on a snack in his arms. The latter seemed totally pre-occupied with studying the colorful patterns on Barba's suspenders._

_"I decided to take a page out of your book, Detective," came Barba's sassy reply, which Fin took in good nature._

_"Well, this case is wrapped in a bow, so looks like we'll be able to get out of here early," Olivia pointed out, as she reached for Noah, who instead of going for her, threw himself at an unsuspecting Barba, swiftly grabbing his suspenders._

_Fin had placed a hand on Noah's chest to stop him from falling, at the same time Olivia took a hold of his hands to try and detangle them from around the suspenders._

_"Noah, no," she admonished gently. "Sorry, Barba," she smiled apologetically at the ADA, who was studying the toddler intently._

_But before she could pull Noah away from him, Barba did something that surprised everyone around him, himself included. He reached for the toddler, and plucked him out of Fin's arms._

_They were all very still now, watching the two interact. They never pegged him for a baby person, and he always seemed a bit awkward around them. He wasn't mean, or neglectful towards Noah whenever he was around him, but he wasn't the kind to get down on his knees and play with him on the floor either._

_But there he was, carrying Noah and calmly letting him play with his suspenders and tie, greasing them both with whatever it was Fin had gotten him to eat._

_All of that took a couple of seconds, before Olivia regained her composure, and reached for Noah once more. Only for Barba to turn away from her, with Noah still in his arms._

_"No, it's okay," he objected softly, his eyes briefly leaving the toddler and looking at Olivia, but long enough for her to see a different sparkle in his eyes. She hardly saw the councilor genuinely happy, so much that his eyes sparkled, and it was quite a surprise to her to know that her son had that effect on him._

_"Barba, he'll ruin them," she pointed out, gesturing to the stains on Noah's hands that were now leaving streaks of grease in their wake as Noah moved them around the suspenders and tie._

_"So, that's what dry cleaning is for," he quipped, finally tearing his eyes away from the toddler, to wink at her, smiling when he saw her shake her head in amusement._

_"I've been trying to explain to her for years that men don't really care about that stuff," Fin put in, as he winked at Olivia._

* * *

 

The loud squeal of delight pulled her back to earth in time to see Barba pick Noah up and spin him around, eliciting all kinds of signs of happiness from the toddler. Starting with the squeal, all the way to his chubby hands clumsily bumping together as he tried to clap in the air.

A laugh escaped her despite her best efforts to rain it in, and in less than a second two sets of sparkling blue-green eyes found her, both of which smiled at the sight of her.

"Mama," Noah squealed as he lunged from Barba's arms at his mother.

"Hi, baby boy," she greeted with as much happiness, as she happily took him into her arms. Her smiled widened when tiny arms wrapped around her neck, as Noah rested his head onto her shoulder. She had missed him, since by the time she made it home the night before, Barba had already put him to bed. And she had left the morning before he awoke, so to her, it seemed like ages since she last saw her baby boy.

"I missed you too, sweetheart," she cooed as she patted him on the back gently.

"Morning, gorgeous," Barba greeted, winking mischievously at her, eliciting a throaty chuckle out of her, as she leaned forward and caught his lips.

"How long have you two been up?" she asked softly. "I didn't hear him cry," she said.

"That's because he didn't, I heard him moving around in his crib, and happily babbling to himself, so I got him, and switched off the monitor, before he woke you," he recounted. "And that was a little over an hour ago," he added, and she raised her eyebrows in shock.

"That's weird, I usually wake up before he does," she said thoughtfully.

"Well, you were totally wiped!" Barba pointed out.

"That's because someone worked me pretty well last night," she reminded him pointedly.

His smile turned into a mischievous grin, as he walked back towards her, slid an arm around her waist, and leaned closer to her ear. "Why do you think I wanted to put Noah to bed before you came?" he whispered teasingly, as her shoulders shook with laughter. He smiled happily at her, scrunching up his nose goofily at Noah when he lifted his head off Olivia's shoulder, and looked at the two of them, completely oblivious to what they were both talking about, but smiled happily when he saw his mother laughing, and at the funny faces Barba was making at him.

It still surprised Olivia sometimes how natural he was with Noah, she had never thought of him as a baby person, and the one time she asked him to hold Noah, he looked as uncomfortable as one could be, and absolutely on the brink of a panic attack by the time she took him back, which was less than thirty seconds later. But as time went by, he slowly warmed up to Noah, and it was what made her fall even harder for him, and why she was less hesitant to pursue a romantic relationship with him once she knew how he felt about her. And she still didn't believe how lucky she was sometimes.

* * *

 

_It all started one sunny Sunday afternoon, she and Noah were spending the day in the park, moving around from one thing to the other. Or at least trying to, since Noah was hogging the swing, and simply refused to do anything else, unless she promised him more swinging afterwards._

_She was laughing along with a giggling Noah, as she pushed him, watching how he happily clapped his hands when he flew with the swing in the air. When a familiar voice caught her attention, and she looked up to find the sharply dressed ADA in jeans and a polo. The attire was a refreshing change from his usual suits and professional demeanor, but it was quite surprising nonetheless._

_"Amanda said I might find you here," he yelled over the noise of the playground._

_"Please don't tell me there's another case," she grumbled._

_"No, but Noah's present finally came in," he said, moving the box into her line of sight, his smile widening when Noah squealed happily at the sight of the colorful box with the bow on the lid._

_Olivia had thrown Noah a birthday party a week before, but the ADA had told her that unfortunately, the gift he had pre-ordered for Noah was yet to arrive._

_"Rafael, you didn't have to," she said, as she made her way around the swing, and took the box._

_"Have you ever known me to do something just because I had to?" he asked pointedly, as he now made his way behind Noah, and took over the pushing. He knew that he could've swung it by the office later on in the week, but he actually wanted to see Noah's reaction to it._

_Olivia carefully pulled the lid back, her eyes widening in shock, before they snapped up to meet Barba's, who was already laughing knowing the contents of the box. His shoulders started to shake slowly with laughter, as a joyful, throaty laugh escaped her as she bent forward slightly, and pulled one of the contents of the box to show Noah._

_"Look Noah, look what Rafael got you," she said in between her laughs, her smile ever growing when Noah excitedly reached for the item in her hand._

_It was a small replica of one of Barba's suspenders, as well as a few other pairs that she kept in the box, and handed Noah one. Barba on his end, smiled at the grinning child when he tilted his head back to look at him, before he plucked him out of the swing seat. And to Olivia's surprise, Noah's usual protests to being taken out of the swing were nowhere to be heard, as he happily played with the suspender in Barba's arms._

_She stood there, watching the two interact, a wistful smile playing on her lips, and an all too familiar gleam in her eyes. She hadn't felt that way about a man before, not Elliot, not Haden, not even Brian. She had learned a while back that her feeling for Elliot, as intense as they may have been, were not what she was looking for. She depended on Elliot, seeked his approval, put herself in danger sometimes for his sake. Granted, he did the same for her. But when the ultimate test rolled around, he failed it miserably. He just left. He didn't say goodbye, he didn't give her a heads up, he didn't even tell her. She heard about it through her captain, and not once did he return her calls._

_Haden and Brian had been good for her, but even at the time, she knew they weren't the ones for her. Which is what makes this all the more different. She knew that she was attracted to David, and Brian, but her feelings for Barba had snuck up on her, and by the time she realized she had them, she had already fallen hard for him. She trusted him, confided in him, and allowed herself to be weak and vulnerable around him. He was the one person who didn't tiptoe around her after Lewis, who didn't look at her like she was a broken child, or was worried that she may crumble at any minute. She saw the concern in his eyes, but he understood her need to be treated equally. She knew that he would always fight for her, and fight for her son._

_And so, without her even knowing, she had fallen hard for the sharply dressed, quick tongued ADA. But fearing that her feeling might ruin their friendship, and their work together, she rained them in, and tried her best not to show them. But it was moments like these that she couldn't hide it, and as long as he wasn't looking, she would allow it to show through._

_The sweet moment was cut short when a familiar voice came from behind, one that made Barba's blood boil, not to mention made him wrap the hand that was previously mercilessly tickling Noah around his body protectively, as he turned his body slightly away._

_"Look at you looking all domestic, I thought you said you never wanted any kids," the Latina woman teased viciously, enjoying how Barba's jaw clenched tightly, and the pained expression on Olivia's face. The comment took her by surprise, and she didn't have time to school her features. She had only seen the woman on TV, and knew of Barba's feelings for her. So her comment only served as a cruel reminder of why it can never work between them._

_"Yelena," Barba almost spat through gritted teeth, his previous happy, and at ease demeanor vanishing into thin air, and replaced by one of pure anger, and malice. The quick change was quite the surprise to both Olivia and Yelena herself. "What are you doing here?" he seethed, and she only smiled sweetly at him._

_"I remember a time when the happiest moment of your life was seeing me," she taunted, as she moved closer to him and Noah, past a still gobsmacked Olivia._

_"Things change," he retorted angrily, his eyes fleetingly looking over at Olivia to gauge her reaction, his heart sinking when he realized that she believed Yelena's earlier comment about children._

_It wasn't until Noah gurgled happily in his arms, as he obliviously continued to play with the suspenders, did he realize that in order to do this right, Noah and Olivia can't be here. So morphing his angry expression into a comforting one, he gently whispered into Noah's ear. "Mijo, why don't you go to your Mommy for now?" he almost cooed._

_"Liv, do you mind giving us a minute?" he asked apprehensively, trying his best to look her in the eye, but she was too angry._

_"Sure," she said in a clipped tone, before she took Noah from him, and walked away from the two. To his relief, she didn't leave the gift behind, he really didn't want to give Yelena any more ammunition._

_Once he was sure she was out of earshot, he turned his angry glare onto his former crush._

_Olivia was beyond pissed. How could she be so stupid? Of course, he wouldn't want kids. Why would he? He never showed any interest in them. Sure he was nice to Noah, but so was Carisi and Fin, and she didn't take that to mean anything. It was obvious since the Munoz case that he had feelings for Yelena, and for whatever reason possible she chose Alex over him. And now, just her mere presence changed his demeanor. And so, she not only walked away a little, she left the park all together, and decided to walk back to her apartment. It was time for Noah's nap anyways._

_She didn't stop for anything, and as hurt as she was, she couldn't claim that she was surprised that he didn't follow her. She desperately wanted to slam the door shut when she reached her apartment, but Noah had fallen asleep in her arms, and she didn't want to awake him. So instead of slamming it angrily, she had to wait till she put him in his crib, and resorted to punching the hell out of her couch cushions._

_But her angry rant didn't last for long, for before she could fully let it all go, a soft knock, followed by a pleading voice, froze her in the middle of her living room._

_"Liv, open up, it's me."_

_He followed her, he actually did come after her. But why? What reason could he possibly have? He could've just called! Or texted!_

_She walked over to the door, and opened it._

_"Is everything alright? Is Noah okay?" he asked, genuinely concerned, and completely clueless as to why she left the park._

_"I wanted to give you two some space, didn't want to get in the way of anything!" she snapped, as she moved away from the door, not wanting him to see the hurt in her eyes._

_"What are you talking about?" he asked, as he made his way into the apartment, still not sure what he did wrong. "Get in the way of what?" he inquired._

_"Don't play dumb with me Barba," she hissed, and he was surprised at how it hurt him that she was back to using his last name outside of the office. She usually only used it when they were in the office, otherwise, she used his first. So if she was using his last name, then she was really pissed._

_"You were the one who told me about the two of you, how she was your first love!" she continued her angry rant, pulling him out of his thoughts._

_"That was a long time ago, Liv," he tried to sooth the angry hulk standing before him. "Those feelings are long gone," he said sincerely, but she only scoffed angrily._

_"Is that why she thought you going after Alex was because of the two of you?" she retorted angrily._

_"She was trying to find a different reason for what was happening aside from the fact that her husband was a cheating pedophile," he shot back bluntly._

_"Is that why she knows you well enough to know that you never wanted kids?" she countered, her voice catching slightly at the end of the sentence, which she hated._

_"That's because I didn't think that I'll be good at it," he deadpanned, and she whipped around to look at him. "I didn't have the most affectionate of fathers, so I have no idea how to handle a kid. Noah's the first kid I ever had constantly around me, and frankly the only one I ever paid attention to," he continued in all honesty, happy to see belief creeping into her eyes._

_He sighed, knowing that he had to choose his words carefully, otherwise, he could make a bad situation worse._

_"I won't lie to you, I never saw myself as a family man with a wife and kids…." He trailed off, "but…."he stammered, barely catching himself before he said too much._

_Olivia, seeing something that she allowed herself to believe were feelings for her, moved closer to him, and put her hand on his chest. "But what?" she whispered softly, her eyes finally betraying the way she felt about him._

_Instead of answering her, he simply crashed his lips against hers, in a hungry, desperate kiss. One which she fully reciprocated._

* * *

 

The story wrote itself from there, it took him a while to fully loosen up around Noah, constantly fearing that he will hurt him like his father used to hurt him, with Olivia patiently letting him know that he was nothing like his father. And she took some time to get used to the idea of letting herself relinquish the control, and to sharing Noah with someone. But eventually, they both declared their love for each other, and went to 1PP with their relationship, and told the rest of the squad.

It was quite the scene at her office; Carisi scrunched his nose at the thought of his boss and the ADA together, Amanda was smiling at her like the Cheshire cat, and Fin simply said one word. 'Finally!'

But little did Olivia know that the beautiful morning was merely the quiet before the storm. And it all started with the beep of a phone.


	2. Chapter 2

The sun was barely rising over the various skyscrapers that littered Manhattan, the darkness that still enveloped the city disseminating quickly as the golden rays spread through them like wild fire. The city that never slept was eerily quiet in this part of town,the gloominess of January doing nothing to break the quiet of the neighborhood. With mostly residential buildings and small bakeries, the handful of people on the streets seemed to be hurrying back to their homes, rather than leaving them. The fact that it was a Saturday guaranteed that for some people, it was late Friday night, rather than early Saturday morning.

A shadowy figure stumbled through the street, barely able to stand straight, let alone walk in a straight line, it kept bouncing about from one surface to the other, leaning on anything its hands could reach. The brown locks slightly tinted crimson, same for the previously white top, the various cuts and burns decorating her arms leaving a trail of trickling blood, as the figure finally stumbled into the deserted street.

* * *

A middle-aged couple walked hand in hand, talking amicably with each other, as they planned their day, and what sorts of specials they can serve for breakfast at the bakery. The husband, reached into his pocket and pulled out the keys to their little shop, as he desperately tried to make his point. His wife, pleasantly annoyed with him, shook her head at his antiques, when she saw something from the corner of her eyes. She slowly turned her head, thinking that it was probably a stray dog, or someone just doing the walk of shame. But the sight that greeted her froze the blood in her veins, and she barely managed to have the presence of mind to call her husband's name, before she broke off into a jog.

Her husband, who had his back turned, only saw his wife bolting, and by the time he turned around and ran after her, she had already obstructed whatever it was that caught her attention from view. She was in the middle of the street, on her knees, hunched over something, as she yelled at him to call 911, before she went back to whispering assurances. Knowing his wife was not one to panic, he pulled his cellphone out, and was in the process of dialing, when he finally saw what his wife was holding.

A teenage girl, who couldn't have been older than seventeen, was lying unconscious in the woman's arms, her face covered in sweat, and dried blood. Various cuts adorned her arms and legs, some of them still oozing blood, and some were already all dried up. The white dress she wore stuck to her legs, thanks to a mixture of blood and sweat, and covering even more cuts and burns.

The couple stayed with her in the middle of the street, the woman cradling her close to her chest, until the familiar blue and red lights flashed, accompanied by the familiar sounds of sirens.

* * *

Olivia was hoping for a quiet day, Rafael had to go to the office for a quick meeting, and she was supposed to meet him for lunch, and then some much needed shopping. Noah was starting to outgrow the things she bought, and he was also starting to climb out of his baby bed, and Olivia had been doing her due diligence before she buys him a toddler bed. She had finally decided on one the night before, and decided to go get it, so she and Rafael can set it up over the weekend. She was sure that she and Rafael were gonna have the all too familiar argument about who gets to pay for the stuff, since he decided about a month ago that he should be paying, claiming that she should let him spoil her and Noah and take care of them. But Olivia, being who she is, and being used to taking care of herself, was having trouble letting him. For one, she was worried about what might happen if they broke up, it will take her ages to pay him back. Because not only did he have a habit of paying, he also had a habit of buying her expensive things. So if things went to hell, she will either have to give them all back, or she was going to have to pay him. Of course she had no intention of ruining this, but she was wired to expect the worse.

She knew that if this didn't work out, it won't just crush her and Rafael, and destroy their friendship, but also take its toll on Noah. The eighteen-month old had taken a liking to the ADA, and despite some initial awkwardness at first, Rafael was now wrapped around Noah's little finger. And unlike her previous relationships, it didn't start out as physical attraction, and then evolved. It started out as a friendship, and by the time she realized what was happening, she had fallen madly in love with him. And now, almost seven months into the relationship, she couldn't imagine her life without him. She liked coming home to him, falling asleep in his arms, and waking up him. Of course the fact that he was insanely good in bed, was a marvelous bonus.

And so, since they both knew that they didn't have to be up at an early hour, she thoroughly took advantage of his skills, and it was almost sun up by the time they finally fell asleep. But to her surprise, she did not sleep in as much as she thought. So now, having spent the night in Rafael's apartment, she didn't know what to do with herself as she waited for their lunch date. She had already picked up the laundry, did the breakfast dishes, and was flipping through the TV when her phone rang.

She sighed when she saw Amanda's name on her screen, not entirely sure if she should be happy that there's a case, or upset that her plans for the day were now ruined. A part of her wished that Amanda was calling to hang out, the two women had gotten significantly closer after Nick left, since Olivia had helped Amanda through it, and spending weekends together was a normal thing now. Amanda often came over and spent the day with them, or even babysat Noah if they wanted to go out or something. She had even kept him for an entire weekend while the newly coupled took a much deserved weekend away. The fact that Amanda took and passed her Sergeant's exam, meant that Olivia could lean on her more as her number two, since Fin had already made it clear that hell would have to freeze over a couple of times before he takes it. Of course the squad was scared that they might transfer Amanda, now that there were two sergeants in the squad, but then Olivia announced that she also took her Lieutenant's exam and passed it with flying colors. And seeing as they couldn't even find a regular detective to replace Nick, they weren't going to move anyone.

'Stuck together till the better end!' Lieutenant Tucker had quipped sarcastically.

"Benson," she finally answered.

* * *

The elevator doors opened, and Olivia, with a happily babbling Noah got off. Amanda, who was on the phone, beamed happily at the now grinning eighteen-month old, who flung himself at the blonde as soon as he laid eyes on her.

Despite the fact that they were on the surgery floor of Mercy Hospital, Noah was always a welcomed distraction from the horrors they saw on the job, and a much needed reminder that the whole world isn't rapists, murderers and abused kids. And since Olivia often got called in, and was not always able to get Lucy to babysit at the last minute, Noah often hung out at the precinct with her. But it was the first time she had taken him with her to the hospital where a victim was still getting treated for her injuries.

"Hi, Noah," Amanda greeted happily, as she plucked the squealing child out of Olivia's arm. "Lucy couldn't come, huh?" she cooed, but the question was clearly directed at a worried-looking Olivia.

"No, I told her that Rafael and I have the weekend off, so she went out of town with some friends," she replied. "Lucia's on her way to take him," she added, and Amanda nodded solemnly, avoiding Olivia's scrutinizing gaze, as she continued to fess over Noah.

Olivia narrowed her eyes at her colleague and friend, before sighing loudly in an attempt to get the blonde to meet her gaze, only for said blonde to actively ignore her. "You wanna tell me what was so important that I couldn't even wait for Lucia?" she wondered, and right on cue, the elevator doors slid open once more, and the woman in question stepped out.

"Oh, speak of the angel," Amanda said, now blatantly avoiding the subject, and it was starting to be unnerving.

Olivia turned around just in time to see the older woman beaming at a happily giggling Noah, who had his arms up, as he tried to squirm out of Amanda's arms to get to his 'Abeulita' as they had started calling Lucia a couple of months into the relationship.

"Nice to see you too, Gordo," Lucia cooed happily as she gathered Noah in her arms, allowing him to plant a sloppy kiss on her cheek, before she showered him with smacking kisses as well.

"Lucia, I'm so sorry to dump this on you at the last minute, but Rafael…." Olivia started to explain, but got cut off by the older woman's voice. "Rafael is still in a meeting with the DA, and you have to work," she finished for her. "I know the drill," she added good heartedly. "And besides, I was looking for a shopping companion, so how about you and I go splurge a little?" she directed her last question at Noah, softening her voice a little. And even though, they both knew that Noah had no idea what she was talking about, he nodded eagerly.

"He probably thinks you'll get him ice-cream or something," Olivia pointed out with a chuckle, and Lucia grinned mischievously at her. "Who said I won't?" she teased, winking at Olivia, who laughed softly, before she waved goodbye at them.

"So, do you wanna tell me what's going on? Or are you just going to keep avoiding me?" Olivia asked, a mix between irritation and worry evident in her voice.

Amanda was silent for a moment, trying to find a way to start her tale. She knew it wasn't going to be easy on Olivia, that it was going to open old wounds, that it was going to disrupt the peaceful life she had worked hard to build, the normality she had fought to achieve. But at the same time, she knew that they couldn't exactly go about this behind her back. She was their lieutenant, their commanding officer. She had already told Fin and Carisi to start the canvas, see if they can find any witnesses, and that she was going to handle Olivia and Barba.

"Amanda?!" Olivia almost snapped when the blonde took too long to answer, and that seemed to help her decide how to start.

She gestured towards a couple sitting anxiously in the waiting room, as she started to make her way over to them.

"This is Mr. and Mrs. Morrison, they were the ones who found our victim in the wee hours of the morning," she explained hastily, as they came to a stop in front of the mentioned couple. The woman was clearly shaken up, and while the husband was also visibly distressed, he was calmer and more collected than his wife. Turning towards Olivia, Amanda introduces her to the couple. The second Olivia's last name left Amanda's lips, the woman's face relaxed slightly, and she suddenly seemed hopeful. Of what, Olivia had no idea.

"Benson!" she exclaimed. "You're the one she asked for!" she added, causing Olivia's eyes to widen slightly in shock.

"Excuse me?" she asked in amazement, but Amanda intervened before the woman was able to answer.

"Why don't you start at the beginning?"

"My husband and I own a small bakery, so we get up fairly early, especially on weekends to prepare for the breakfast rush. We were standing outside, and my husband was opening the gates when I caught something from the corner of my eye. I looked over, thinking it was probably just someone doing the walk of shame back to their apartment, but I saw her," she said in one breath, clearly disturbed by whatever she saw, and the mother in Olivia understood how she felt. Even after fifteen years on the job, and even before Noah came along, the cases with young victims always got to her. And now that she was a mother, they took a larger toll on her, since even imagining something like that happening to Noah terrified her.

The woman, having caught her breath, continued her tale. "She couldn't be more that sixteen, she had blood all over her dress and body," she described, screwing her eyes shut at the images that were still too fresh in her mind. "I rushed over to her after I called out to my husband, and had barely reached her when she collapsed. I eased her to the ground, and realized that she was weakly mumbling something," she added, and Olivia nodded her head.

"Do you remember what it was?"

The woman nodded, "call Sargent Benson!"

Olivia's eyebrows shot up her forehead at the woman's declaration, before she furrowed them in confusion. "She asked you to call me?" she sought confirmation, and once again the woman nodded.

"Did she say anything else? How she knew me, or why she wanted you to call me?" Olivia asked, and the woman shook her head. But it was the husband who answered this time.

"I was less than ten seconds behind my wife, and by the time I made it over to her, the poor thing was out cold. She had cuts and burns all over her arms, and upper thighs, and her clothes wreaked of Vodka," he described, and Olivia felt as if someone had punched her in the gut. That description was eerily familiar, but she refused to let her demons cloud her judgement.

"Vodka?!" she wondered, and the man nodded affirmingly. "I worked as a bartender in my youth, I know my liquor," he explained, and Olivia nodded.

"That's really helpful," she said encouragingly. "Is there anything else you can tell me? Have you seen her before? Is she a customer?" she listed off her question, as both of them adamantly shook their heads.

"We already told the detectives the direction she was coming from, and believe me we wish we knew more," the husband said regretfully, and Olivia cocked her head to the side sympathetically.

"You brought her here, and you told us about the Vodka," she soothed, a sudden lump forming in her throat at the mention of the wretched drink she hadn't even laid eyes on since Lewis.

"We'll let you know if we need anything else," Amanda said politely, offering them a small smile.

"We won't leave till she's out of surgery," the woman informed them, and once again Olivia nodded her head in sympathy, before she turned to Amanda. The older couple took their seats back, and the two women walked some distance away from them.

"So the victim obviously knows me, so any idea who she is?" Olivia asked, and Amanda shook her head, as she pulled a picture of the unconscious girl, and handed it off to Olivia.

"Do you recognize her?" she wondered, and Olivia shook her head.

"But she knows me as Sargent, so I must've ran into her over the course of the past two years," she commented dejectedly, wracking her brain for a memory of this girl, and coming up empty. She didn't know what it was, but despite the fact that she didn't recognize the girl, something about her was familiar.

"I know, I can't seem to remember her either. Neither does, Fin, not even Carisi. So Fin and Carisi are both canvasing the area where she was found, and I already sent her blood back to the lab and told them to run her DNA against your cases from the past couple of years, and run her photo through missing persons. She may not have been the one to meet you, but maybe she was related to a previous victim or something," Amanda informed her of their progress so far, but Olivia could still clearly see that the younger blonde was still holding back. She had grown closer to Amanda since her ordeal with her old Captain from Atlanta, and Nick's departure. They had started to hang out away from the office, with Amanda babysitting for Olivia often, when she and Barba wanted a night out, or even a weekend getaway. So she knew how to read her, and she knew when she was hiding something.

She debated if she should just berate her for whatever it is she's holding back, but she realized that she still didn't know much about the victim, or how bad her injuries were. "The woman said that the girl was in surgery," she alluded, and Amanda nodded.

"Yeah, it's bad, Liv," the blonde said regretfully. "The monster tied her wrists with metal wires, so every time she moved, it dug into her flesh," she said softly, stopping momentarily to allow Olivia the time to push her breakfast back down, before she continued. "She was viciously raped, beaten," she listed, trailing off at the end, and that's when Olivia decided to push for whatever it is Amanda had been avoiding.

"What aren't you telling me, Rollins?" she inquired impatiently, using her last name to stress just how serious she was about getting that answer.

Amanda shifted slightly in her place, her eyes holding Olivia's scrutinizing gaze steady, before she finally said it. "Her body is covered in burns," she started warily, and Olivia nodded at her to continue. "Cigarette burns….keys…and hangers," she listed slowly, seeing the realization in Olivia's eyes, as well as demons they both thought were long gone.

"No," Olivia whispered in horror. "That can't be," she denied dejectedly, refusing to believe that that asshole was still tormenting her from beyond the grave.

"I'm so sorry, Liv," Amanda apologized, and Olivia continued to shake her head. "That can't be right! The asshole is dead," she said angrily. "He shot himself in front of me, I saw his dead body!" she argued, and Amanda put a comforting hand on her arm to still her frantic pacing, and get her attention back to her.

"I know, but I saw her before they took her to surgery. The EMT called SVU when he saw the injures to her external genitalia, so I was here before the ambulance was. Mrs. Morrison didn't even mention you until I showed up and she asked if I was Sargent Benson," she elaborated. "It's the same MO, I don't know how, but it is!" Amanda breathed out regretfully.

"How is that possible?" Olivia whispered, her voice catching slightly at the end, and she hated it. She couldn't make this about her, there was a girl inside who had gone through the same hell she did. She can't be the one they all focus on.

"We don't know yet. It might be a copycat, someone who had access to the court records and knows all the details," Amanda suggested, and Olivia nodded, agreeing that this was a good a theory as any. "I already called Barba, but he's in a meeting with the DA still, so I'll head over to his office, and see if we can find out who had access to those records," Amanda suggested, but Olivia started to shake her head, but Amanda added hastily before she could object. "You need to talk to Dodds and Tucker," she said calmly. "I don't think they'll take you off the case, but you won't be the lead. Just let us handle it, okay?" she spoke softly, and Olivia slowly nodded.

"We need to talk to the girl," Olivia commented weakly, and right on cue, the doctor emerged from behind her, and Mrs. Morrison's worried voice as she frantically asked for an update interrupted the small breakdown she was having inside her own head.

The doctor was about to argue that he can't release any information about the girl to the Morrison's, but Olivia told him that he can talk to her, and just let the Morrison's be there.

"Well, she's a fighter, I'll give her that," the doctor said, his voice betraying his exhaustion and slight anguish over what he just had to treat.

"How bad is it?" Olivia asked, and he sighed.

"She has burns over almost half her body, a concussion, broken ribs," he listed, and Olivia's face was blanching with every word he said. "She's dehydrated, her blood work showed a cocktail of drugs; Xansa, Oxy, special K, and a variety of anti-anxiety drugs, not to mention alcohol," he continued with his horrifying description, and Olivia was about to swear that Lewis had risen from the grave.

"Was she raped?" she asked, her voice a tad over a whisper, a side of her that people rarely see, and never in situations like this, which proved just how shaken up she was.

The doctor looked sadly at her, before he slowly nodded his head, saying the one word Olivia always hated to hear. "Viciously!" he all but growled. "There's tissue from a torn hymen, trauma to both her anus and vaginal canals, and bruises and cuts to her external genitalia," he said in disgust, and both women had to push the rising bile and tears back down.

"Any semen?" Amanda demanded angrily. She didn't care who did this, she was going to find them and feed them to the wolves. Due process be damned.

"No, I found lubricant, and the injuries to her external genitalia suggests that whoever did this, used tools," he explained, and Amanda nodded.

"Any idea how long she's been held captive?" Amanda asked.

"Some of the cuts were a bit shallow, so they already started to heal, so I'd say about four days," he replied, completely oblivious to the bomb he just dropped.

"Four days?" Olivia repeated in horror and he nodded.

"To tell you the truth, she shouldn't be alive, her injuries are extensive. It's a miracle her body didn't go into shock," he added, a small hint of relief making its way to his voice, one which Olivia fully supported.

"When can we talk to her?" she wondered, and he shrugged.

"There's no way of telling, as soon as she wakes up, and is up to talking, I'll give you guys a call," he told her, and she smiled gratefully at him.

* * *

Olivia drove back to the precinct, the entire drive passed by in a blur, it was as if she was on auto-pilot. She walked into her office, and slumped down in her chair, dropping her head in her hands, as she fought the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes. She had put him behind her, she was finally able to be in a crowded room without flinching every time someone brushed past her. She had finally stopped seeing the sympathy in her coworker's eyes, they stopped tiptoeing around her. She had finally found the happiness she had long been searching for. As the thought entered her mind, her eyes wandered off to the framed picture on her desk. At one point, it was a picture of Noah perched up on one of the ottomans she had lying on the floor in a blue onsite, but now, it was a picture of Rafael with ruefully grinning Noah in his arms, and her four year old niece, Olivia, with her arms around his neck as he gave her a piggy back ride. Rafael wore an equally large grin as the one little Olivia had, as they all looked at the camera. She picked it up and softly traced her fingers over Rafael and Noah's smiling faces, her brain wandering back to the beautiful day at the beach, where this picture was taken.

_It was a beautiful August Sunday, the sun was shining brightly over the bustling city, as she, Rafael and Noah sat in his ridiculously expensive car, making their way over to the beach. She looked back for what seemed to be the billionth time to check on a happily babbling Noah, as he played with the pop-out book they had given him. She smiled contently when she saw him engrossed in the pictures, before her eyes briefly flickered to the rear glass window, to check on the car behind them._

" _They're still there," Rafael teased, knowing what she was looking for._

_She sighed, knowing that she was being silly, but she couldn't really help it. "I know, but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop!" she confessed, and he reached over and took a hold of her hand, squeezing it gently._

" _It's going to be fine," he assured her gently, and she nodded._

_This day was a celebration for Simon finally getting custody for his daughter back, and they all decided to head to the beach. They were on their way to pick up Lucia, before they can all spend a day as a family, as well as give Lucia a chance to meet Simon and the kids._

And just like Rafael said, it all turned out more than fine. Lucia and Tracey hit it off, and the kids were having a blast with Noah and Rafael. The usually stoic and put together ADA spent most of the day running around with Simon and the three kids, their laughter warming Olivia's heart as she lounged in the shade with Tracey and Lucia. She had opened up to Lucia about her past one night over wine, while Rafael worked late, and the older woman had said one sentence to ease the trepidation she saw in Olivia's eyes.

" _You're not your mother, and who your father is doesn't define you!"_

Her voice was firm, without a hint of deceit in it, and surprisingly enough, Olivia believed that she truly through that. That those words were not spoken in vain, or for her benefit.

She knew that whatever this case turns out to be, that it would be different than the last time she had faced this monster's horrors. It's true that she had her squad, and even Cassidy, at the time. But she'd had a rough time opening up to any of them, she didn't want them to look at her any differently, and it wasn't until she found herself in their shoes when the truth about Amanda's rape came to light, did she finally understand how they felt. And this time, she had her family as well, so she knew that she wouldn't have to face him alone. She just need to let herself accept the help when they offer it.

Her trance was cut by a sharp knock on her door, and she looked up to see both Tucker and Dodds standing in her doorway. She put the frame back on her desk, never happier that they disclosed their relationship, since now she can look at the picture when she's having a bad day to remind herself of the good that was still present in the world.

"Lieutenant, you wanted to see us," Tucker said in his usual icy demeanor, and she got up to usher them both into her office, before she closed the door behind them.

"It's about the case we just caught," she told them, and they both shared a look, before looking back at her.

After walking them through what happened since she got the call, they were both equally baffled.

"And you're sure it's the same MO?" Dodds inquired, his voice betraying how disturbed he was.

"Rollins was the one who saw the injuries first hand, and CSU should be sending us the pictures anytime soon, but from the doctor's description….yes I am," she said regretfully.

"Ah, hell!" Dodds hissed.

"But how the hell is that possible? The asshole is dead!" Tucker exclaimed angrily.

Olivia shrug her shoulder, almost in defeat. "We don't know, we're looking into anyone who was involved with the trial, former cell mates. Rollins is talking to Barba about a warrant to unseal the court records, and see who may have had access to them," she informed them, and they both nodded.

"Well, that's a good a theory as any, and until the girl wakes up and sheds some light on this, there's nothing more that we can do," Tucker pointed out, and the other two reluctantly nodded.

And right on cue, both Barba and Amanda walked in through the precinct, with Fin and Carisi in toe.

Olivia saw the worry on Barba's face, and she wanted nothing more than to just collapse in his arms, but she knew that they had to keep it professional. Even though IAB and Dodds knew about their relationship, she was no fool. She knew that they only reason why there were still letting them work together, was because they had managed to keep their personal lives out of their work.

Their eyes met, and she saw the worry and compassion in them. She smiled comfortingly at him, before they all huddled around the table in front of the flat screen. But that didn't stop Barba from taking her hand as soon as he was close enough, and giving it a reassuring squeeze. He may not be able to hold her and comfort her like he wants, but that didn't mean he can't be close.

"What did you guys find?" Olivia demanded.

"Lieutenant, you can't be the lead on this one," Tucker intervened, and she nodded.

"Don't worry, I am," Rollins interjected. "I was the first one on the scene, and have been the one barking orders all morning. The last thing we want is defense claiming vendetta!" she added.

"Why would the defense be claiming vendetta?" Carisi wondered, and they all looked at him like he had a memory problem, until it finally dawned on Amanda that he wasn't around.

"This case is…."Barba started to basically spit out the facts when Amanda interrupted him.

"No, Barba, wait," she raised a finger, as a lightbulb went off in her head.

"You weren't here during the whole Lewis fiasco," she stated, and Carisi just narrowed his eyes in confusion at her.

"William Lewis? The psycho rapist?" he presumed, and she nodded. "Yeah, I heard about him, I was still in homicide. Why?" he clarified.

"Yeah, but you don't know any of the details," Amanda alluded once more, furthering his confusion.

"No," he said in an isn't-it-obvious tone.

"Then I don't want you to hear any of this, stay away from the details of the Lewis cases, and this one," she ordered, and everyone else in the room, save for Fin, who caught on to what she was trying to do, looked at her like she was speaking Mandarin.

"If he doesn't know any of the details, defense can't claim coerced confession," Fin finished her trail of thought, and she looked approvingly at him.

"Exactly! Especially that they may even try to cast doubt on Lewis's original conviction," Tucker pointed out the obvious, ignoring how Olivia slightly paled at his words.

"Good thing the monster's dead, so he doesn't use this as a get out of jail free card!" Dodds commented, and they all nodded.

"I agree with all that, but we're short staffed, I can't sit on the sidelines while all hell breaks loose on you guys," Carisi argued, and they had to admit he had a point.

"Don't worry, you'll be doing a lot of the leg work," Amanda retorted, and he nodded at her.

He may have been the new guy, but they all had to agree that he had passion. That despite his rough start, he quickly got the hang of things, and was a crucial part of the team. He had good instincts, he knew when to push and when to back off. And this was one of the times, when he needed to just do as he was told.

"I need you to go through missing persons reports, call high-schools and see if anyone hasn't been showing up to school this past week," Amanda instructed, and he nodded.

"Public or private?" he pressed.

"Start with public, I highly doubt that a private school kid would go missing without anyone noticing. But if all else fails, start calling them as well," Olivia was the one to answer him, she may not be the lead, but that didn't mean she can't put her input.

Carisi nodded at the two detectives. "I'm on it!" he said firmly, before walking over to his desk, grabbing his laptop, and heading to the conference room, to do as he was told, and at the same time, give them the room to talk about the case freely.

"Detective Tutuola, what did the canvas turn up?" Dodds asked.

Before Fin had a chance to reply, Tucker spoke up. "I see that you have everything under control here, you know where to find me if you need me," he said, as he made his way to towards the door. "Just make sure you do this by the books, so that we don't end up having an overturned conviction on our hands," he threw in from the doorway, before taking his leave without waiting for a response.

"He's a ray of sunshine!" Barba quipped, and Olivia chuckled.

"He's not easy to work with," she conceded, and Barba scoffed. "Understatement of the century!" he snorted, and she smiled. Which judging by the look in his eye, is what he was going for.

"So the canvas?" Dodds repeated his earlier question, and Fin sighed.

"As fruitful as the desert!" he deadpanned. "No one's seen this girl before, and they don't seem to know where she could've come from," he added, and they all sighed in defeat.

"How about a blood trail?" Rollins suggested. "I saw her when they first brought her in, she was covered in blood, and some of her wounds were fresh. She's bound to have left a trail," she countered.

"Yeah, except by the time we made it to the street where she stumbled out, people had already started to awake, we followed it to an alleyway a couple of blocks away, but then we couldn't make out which blood was hers, and which ones weren't," he explained, and Olivia closed her eyes.

"A couple of blocks!" she repeated, knowing fully the injuries the girl endured and the toll it can take on her body.

"Adrenaline! Survival's instinct," Barba hissed through gritted teeth, his eyes not leaving the picture of their victim that was plastered on the board. She looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. He didn't think he met her before, but yet, he knew he saw her face somewhere. She was so young! He hated it when they were young!

"How about we get canine unit on it?" Olivia suggested. "Have the dogs smell the bloody clothes, and see if they can pick up a trail to wherever she came from?" she continued, and Fin nodded, just as Amanda's phone beeped.

"On it," Fin declared, before heading for his desk.

"Maybe she can shed some light on that," Amanda called from behind them, and they all turned to her.

"That was the hospital, she's awake and asking for you, Liv," Amanda informed them, holding her phone for emphasis.

"I'll hold off on the canine unit," Fin offered, and Amanda nodded, as she and Olivia made their way out of the room.

"I'll drive you guys on my way to the courthouse to see where we are on those records," he said, almost menacingly, and both women knew him well enough not to argue.


	3. Chapter 3

The ride back to the hospital was an awfully quiet one, with Olivia sitting in the passenger seat, solemnly looking at the passing traffic, with a very quiet Barba swiftly cutting through the cars. Amanda had declared the need for another car once they made it to the street, saying that they will probably need it once they are done talking to the victim, depending on their next step. Olivia knew that this was the rational argument, but that the emotional one, was that Amanda was giving them the space for Olivia to vent without an audience. The look that Amanda and Barba shared was not lost on her, but she was trying to quash the images in her head, so she didn't care. She was actually grateful for the silence in the car as they drove, since she was sure Amanda's phone would be ringing like crazy every two mintues with her being in charge of the case.

They had been driving for a few minutes, and still had a good while to go, and it was already well past noon. The loud ringing snapped her out of her reverie, and she glared at the car's intercom when she realized that it was Barba's phone ringing through it. He shot her an apologetic smile, before he answered.

"Barba."

"Mr. Barba, you told me to call as soon as I heard anything back from archives," his secretary's voice came through the speakers.

Barba shot a worried glance at Olivia from the corner of his eye, briefly considering taking the conversation off speaker, but when Olivia reached for his free hand, he decided against it. It would make matters worse for her if they started tiptoeing around her, and she didn't need the added stress.

"And?" he pressed, when his secretary didn't say anything else.

"No one's laid eyes on them since you had them sealed," she said carefully, knowing that this probably wasn't the answer the ADA was looking for.

"And before that?" he asked.

"They were sealed as soon as the verdict came in, so the only people who had access to them before the verdict were the jurors, the defense attorney and Lewis," she explained hastily, basically spitting out Lewis's name. They all still had the memory of what happened engraved in their memories, and despite the fact that she wasn't technically a part of the DA's office, Barba's secretary told her once after news of their relationship broke that she was waiting for it, since Barba was practically losing his mind when she was abducted, and downright unbearable during the trial.

"And no one filed to unseal them, or look at them?" he sought confirmation, and a swift 'no' came from his secretary.

"Send the names of the all the jurors to Sargent Rollin's phone, and the name of Lewis's defense attorney," he instructed.

"You got it."

He looked over at Olivia and saw her put her phone to her ear. "Amanda, Rafael's secretary just called, no one had access to the records since the trial, so she's sending all the jurors' names to you," she basically growled in frustration, nodding her head at whatever it was that Amanda was saying before sighing in both defeat and anger. When she spoke, her voice betrayed the pain she felt, as the shock slowly crept into it, "a sixteen year old girl goes missing for four days, and no one misses her?" she blurts out in shock, and Barba's heart sinks. It's gonna be one of those cases, one of those kids who no one knew went missing. The perfect victim. A part of him realized that if the girl hadn't gotten away, they may never have known about this. He secretly vowed to let Fin shoot the bastard this time, and simply look the other way. He saw Olivia take the phone off her ear, before she gripped it tightly in her hand, so tight he feared she may break it.

"There are no missing person's reports matching her description, and no absentees from schools either," she grinds out, her heart breaking with every word she's saying. "Amanda told Carisi to check private schools, but I don't think any of those kids can go missing for four days without anyone missing them," she continued dejectedly.

He remained silent, his eyes focused on the road, knowing that she needed someone to listen, not tell her that it's all going to be okay. Because frankly, that would be total bullshit. They were in for an uphill battle, one they did not know how it may end.

A humorless, pained chuckle escaped her, as she finally lifted her head to look at the cars around her, and he finally saw the tears glistening in her eyes. "The last thing he said to me before he shot himself, was that he wanted to be the last thing I see, he wanted to remain in my head," she confessed, knowing fully that she never told him what happened when he took her again. He was well aware of the details of the first four days, but not those grueling few hours. So this was the first she'd ever mentioned him since the Grand Jury, and he had respected her need to try and keep Lewis out of her life.

"He's dead, Liv," he said soothingly.

"I know," she whispered, the tears now finally making their way down her cheeks. "But he managed to find a way to invade my life once more," she countered tearfully. "And I have to say that his timing is impeccable," she laughed bitterly.

Barba pulled the car over to avoid a traffic jam, and turned in his seat to face her. "Lewis did not do this," he said firmly, using his index finger to lift her chin, as he tried desperately to keep his own tears at bay. A task he was slowly failing at as he looked into her now tortured brown eyes.

"He's gone, Liv, and whoever is behind this won't get away," he assured her firmly. "And whatever happens, I'm not going anywhere," he finished softly, his hand finding her cheek, as his thumb wiped away at the tears.

A small smile lifted the corner of Olivia's lips, as she looked into his sincere green eyes. "I know," was her simple answer, and he smiled genuinely at her.

"Why don't we go get whoever did this then?" he suggested softly, and she nodded at him. Her resolve slowly coming back to her, as she once more decided to focus on the victim at hand, rather than her own demons.

* * *

She leaned heavily onto his shoulders, as the elevator took them up to the designated floor. She saw him text his secretary to let her know that he probably won't be back for the rest of the day, and she didn't even have the energy to argue with him to go back to his office. In all honesty, she liked that he was there. She was finally relishing in the fact that she didn't have to do this on her own, that accepting the help and support of those around her didn't make her any weaker.

She found Amanda already on the floor, talking to a nurse, and furiously jotting things down in her notepad. And judging by the look on her face, Olivia was really not going to like what was being said.

"Thank you," Amanda thanked the nurse, before she took her leave, and the blonde turned towards the couple, an aggravated sigh escaping her lips.

"Our vic's name is Savina Matthews," she started. "She's a seventeen year old junior at the Beaumont Academy," she added, with a pointed look, offering a tight lipped smile at the two sets of eyebrows that arched up in surprise.

"How the hell did she go missing for four days and not be reported missing?" Barba asked in disbelief.

"She's one of their scholarship kids," Amanda started.

"So?"

"Carisi is on his way to the Academy right now, we'll find out soon enough," she replied.

"What about her parents?" Olivia wondered.

Amanda's eyes saddened. "She's a foster child."

Olivia swallowed heavily at the revelation, the bastard really knew who to pick.

"That still doesn't explain why no one is missing her," Barba interjected. "At least the social worker on the case should've known," he added.

"Well, that was all the nurse got out of her, before she asked to speak to Liv, and the nurse let it slide, figured it'd be best if she didn't exhaust her before she got a chance to talk to us," she explained, as she gestured towards the girl's room, and led the way down the long corridor.

"The Morrison's are still with her," she said, as they rounded the corner, and they saw the couple in question exiting a room.

"Lieutenant," the woman greeted, and Olivia smiled warmly at her. "She's been asking about you," she added, and Olivia nodded.

"Did she say anything else?" Amanda asked.

"Not really, and we didn't ask. We just wanted to make sure that there wasn't anything else we can do, and she thanked us for waiting with her, and making sure that you were called," the husband replied, directing his last statement at Olivia, who was getting increasingly impatient.

"Thank you for all your help," Amanda thanked them politely, and they took their leave.

The other three closed the distance to the room, and saw her lying on the bed through the glass. She looked young, exhausted, and vulnerable. Amanda knocked gently on the door, and waited for the barely audible, 'come in', before she turned the handle, and with one final tight smile at Olivia and Barba, she pushed the door open.

The second Olivia walked in, she could feel her heart lunge, as her breath caught in her throat. The girl's beautiful brown eyes were haunted, and the pain she saw swirling in them was an all too familiar ghost she herself took months to get rid of. And now, with her eyes open, that nagging feeling of familiarity was hard to ignore. But for the life of her, she didn't know why.

"Savina," Amanda spoke softly, and the girl's eyes cut to her as Barba closed the door behind them, and stood next to it.

"I'm Sargent Rollins," Amanda introduced herself, and Olivia saw her eyebrows furrow in confusion, but Amanda continued with the introductions before she could interfere. "This is Lieutenant Benson, and our ADA Rafael Barba," she gestured towards an almost too-sick-to-stand Barba, who offered the girl a small smile when her eyes found him, before they settled on Olivia.

"Benson," she repeated. "Olivia Benson?" she pressed, and Olivia nodded. "I understand you asked for me," Olivia spoke softly, her voice thick with emotions, but she was thankful that she was able to keep the tears at bay.

"Uh yeah," the girl nodded slowly, a weak chuckle escaping her. "You would think with how obsessed she was with you, that she would get the rank right," she hissed, though they weren't sure if it was anger or pain lacing her words.

"She?" Olivia asked, bewildered, and once again the girl nodded.

"Yeah, she made sure I knew your name, said I need to know who to blame. That she didn't really want to do this, but you forced her hand," her voice was barely audible, as her hand came up to hold her side, wincing in pain as she tried to sit up. Barba, being the closest to her, rushed to help her sit up.

"Thank you," she breathed gratefully, as she once again settled against the pillows. Her eyes now finding a guilt-stricken looking Olivia.

"Lieutenant, I'm telling you what she said, not agreeing with her," she said firmly, her eyes holding Olivia's steady, and to all their surprise, they were determined. "What she did was on her and her alone, the fact that she was obsessing over you is not your fault. She's a psychopath," she added fiercely.

"Did she say why she was fixating on me?" Olivia asked, although she had a dreadful feeling she already knew the answer.

"She said you'll know the answer to that once you heard what she did to me," the girl replied, her voice cracking slightly towards the end, and Olivia could feel her heart breaking piece by piece. "The one thing she did say though," she added, once she composed herself once more. "Was that you stole someone from her, that you managed to rope William in so bad, that when he was out of prison, instead of going to her, he went to you, and it got him killed," she elaborated, and Olivia shook her head in disbelief.

"Did you recognize her voice?" Amanda asked, and the girl shook her head. "But you're sure it was a woman?"

"Yeah, her voice, the way she moved, they can't be a man's," Savina confirmed.

"Can you describe her?" Barba now piped up, since Olivia was still trying to bury Lewis back where he belongs, so she can talk to the girl about what happened, without openly sobbing.

"I didn't see her face, she wore a mask most of the time. Or she would blindfold me."

"How about stature? Did she have a limp? A noticeable scar? An accent? Anything?" Amanda questioned, and Savina looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Not really. She was short, overweight, her fingers were kinda calloused, like someone who plays the guitar constantly, or a violin," she replied, and the last comment made them all look at her in confusion.

"One of the foster families I had, the husband played the guitar and had these markings on his fingers. He said that anyone who played a stringed instrument professionally would probably have them," she elaborated, and they nodded.

"Okay, that's good," Amanda commended. "Can you walk me through what happened before you were grabbed?"

"Well, I'm staying with a foster family in the South Bronx, and there's a community center a couple of blocks away that I volunteer at, as a swimming and archery instructor. I work most afternoons there, and that day, I was covering for another instructor, so it was late by the time I was done," she started her story.

"Do you remember a time?" Barba interfered, and she furrowed her eyebrows in thought for a while.

"I think I finished around 8," she guessed.

"Did you walk home alone?" Olivia inquired softly, and Savina shook her head.

"No, one of the parents, he's a single dad to a seven year old, lives a couple of blocks from me, so he walked me home."

"We're gonna need his name," Amanda asked.

"Eddie Garcia," she replied simply, and Barba gaped at her.

"Eddie Garcia?" he repeated, and she nodded. "As in Eduardo Garcia, he has a little boy….."

"Danny!" Savina finished his sentence, eyeing him questioningly.

"We grew up together," he elaborated, and she nodded.

"Could he have anything to do with this?" Amanda asked, ignoring the glare Barba sent her way.

Savina adamantly shook her head. "No way, he waited for me downstairs until I made it to the apartment, and I saw him leave from the window, before I went down to throw the trash, and that's when it happened," she recounted.

"Why did you wait for him to leave?" Olivia asked.

"It's not what you think," she said quickly. "It's just that….." she trailed off, not sure what to say anymore.

Amanda correctly read the hesitation as fear of consequences, so she tried to assure her. "Savina, I need you to be completely honest with us, whatever you think is your fault, chances are, it's not. You're a minor," Amanda assured.

"Savina, why did you wait for Eddie to leave?" Barba interjected.

"Because I didn't want him to know that I was home alone," she mumbled, and when she finally looked up, they all had identical horrified expressions on their faces, and her own words finally registered, and she realized how it may have sounded to them.

"That came out wrong," she recanted quickly. "Eddie is not a threat at all. It's just that the foster family that I'm living with are away, he made me promise that if I'm ever alone for the night, to go spend it at his place. Said it's not exactly safe for a girl on her own in the Bronx, and he was right," she almost spat the last sentence.

"Away?" Olivia pressed, and she nodded.

"Yeah, Mrs. Solaerno has family in California, and they left on Friday, told me to man the house for a couple of weeks," she explained, and Olivia's eyebrows shot up her forehead.

"Well, that explains why they didn't file a missing person's report," she mumbled. "But how come your social worker didn't know about this?" she wondered.

"Linda came on Friday, and I lied and told her that they were out running errands. I'm one of her easy cases, so she checks in with me via phone weekly, and a monthly visit usually. So she wouldn't know I was missing," Savina explained.

"And the school? How did they not notice?" Amanda retorted.

"Well, she did say that she made sure no one would know I was missing, so they wouldn't come looking for me," Savina's voice was a tad over a whisper, and the underlying pain was not lost on any of them.

"Well, one of our detectives is talking to the school as we speak, so we should be getting some more answers soon enough," Amanda chimed in.

Just then, Barba's phone buzzed, and he excused himself to take the call. Leaving Amanda and Olivia alone with Savina, as they both prepared themselves for the tale that was yet to come.

"Savina, I know it's hard, but we need to ask you a few questions about what happened, if you're up to it," Olivia said regretfully, and Savina nodded.

"You said that once you saw Eddie leave, you went out once more to throw the trash," Amanda repeated her earlier statement, and Savina nodded.

"Did you see anyone in the lobby?" Olivia wondered.

"No, I didn't. But then again, I wasn't really looking. The bag was kinda heavy, and I was trying to make it to the shoot without the handles breaking, so I wasn't really paying attention to anything around me. I threw it in the shoot, and that's when she knocked me on the back of my head. I didn't lose consciousness, but I was dizzy enough to lose my ability to fight her off, as she stuck a needle in my arm. It all went black after that," she recounted.

"What happened when you came to?" Olivia asked.

"There was a blindfold over my eye, and I could feel something digging into my flesh every time I tried to move my hands, and then her voice came, telling me that I should probably stop doing that if I don't want to feel more pain than necessary," she whispered dejectedly, before she continued to tell them what happened to her over the course of four days.

By the time she was done, both Olivia and Amanda were having a hard time swallowing their tears.

"Can you tell us where you were being held?" Amanda implored, and Savina shook her head.

"I'm afraid not, but I think it may have been a slaughter house back in the day, there were hooks everywhere, and drains," she suggested, and Amanda nodded.

"How did you escape?" Amanda asked.

"Well, she said that it was time for the final act. So she untied my hands and legs, but not before she gave me two pills, and forced me to swallow them with Vodka. But I know how to hide pills under my tongue and not swallow, and I was finally lucid enough to actually pull it off, so I did just that. I waited for her to untie me, and thought that I would try to make a break for it once we were out on the street, but then her phone buzzed. She left me on the ground, thinking that I was unconscious, and said that the final act would have to wait. I waited till all the voices died down, before I opened my eyes, spat out the pills, and stumbled for the door. I could barely see, and everything after that is kinda hazy. The next thing I remember, is waking up here, and the doctor telling me that I'm lucky to be alive," she finished her narrative, a few tears finally making their way down her cheeks.

Olivia didn't know what came over her, but she sat down next to the girl, and cupped her cheek gently. "I know it may not seem like it now, but the doctor is right. You survived, whatever she had planned for you, she failed, and you won. Don't ever let anyone take that from you," Olivia assured her firmly, her thumb making soft, soothing circles on her cheek.

"Is there anyone we could call?" Amanda asked, and Savina scoffed bitterly.

"No," she murmured brokenly.

"Not even Eddie?" Olivia tried, and Savina looked like she had forgotten that he even existed.

"He's taking care of his seven year old, and his mother, I don't wanna add to his troubles," she objected softly.

"Well, he's gonna know about what happened when we talk to him, so he will come," Olivia almost cooed, and she nodded.

"We'll let you know of any progress," Amanda informed her, as she pulled her buzzing phone out of her pocket.

Amanda waited till they were both out of the room, and Olivia had rightfully collapsed into Barba's arms, before she picked up the insistently ringing device.

"Rollins," she sighed in frustration.

"Hey, I just left the Academy," Carisi's voice came over the speaker, and that made Olivia turn her head slightly in Barba's arms to look at the phone. "Apparently, they received a call from someone whom they believed to be the foster mother claiming that Savina came down with a bad case of the flu, and that she needed to stay at home. And since a bug had swept through the school recently, they didn't think much of it."

"What about her social worker, did you get a name?" Amanda asked.

"Yeah. Linda McNamara, but the school said that they didn't tell her based on the foster mother's request."

"Alright, I'm gonna send you the address of one Eddie Garcia, he was the last person to see Savina before she was taken, so I need you to talk to him. And from what I gather, he was close to her, so try to break the news gently," she instructed.

"Yes, boss," he chanted, and Amanda rolled her eyes. Though the quip did make Olivia's lips twitch up in a smile.

"Why don't you both go talk to the social worker, Fin and I can take the jurors, and I'll send unis back to the neighborhood, see if we can find that slaughter house," Amanda suggested, and they both nodded.


	4. Chapter 4

As they made their way towards the elevator, Amanda's phone buzzed once more.

"Rollins," she said into the phone, as she turned away from the other two.

"That was my mother on the phone, she and Noah finished shopping. She was getting an ETA on us, so I just told her to take Noah back to my apartment. He's familiar with it, and I figured she'd be more comfortable moving around it," Barba told Olivia, who smiled appreciatively at him. "Thanks. Tell your mom I'm sorry I'm dumping this on her," she apologized sincerely, and Barba shook his head. "You're not dumping anything on her, she loves it," he assured her, as he put an arm around her shoulders, and rubbed her arm soothingly.

"That was Fin, Carisi sent him the information the school had on the foster family. Savina was right, they boarded a plane to California last Friday, and they just boarded one for New York," she informed them, anger lacing every word that came out of her mouth.

"There's gotta be something that we can charge them with," Olivia all but pleaded with Barba.

"We can," he confirmed. "I'll get you a subpoena for their arrest, let airport security and TSA agents know to pick them up as soon as the plane lands," he ordered, and Rollins nodded.

"In that case," she started. "Liv, you take my car and go talk to the social worker. Barba, can you drop me off at the precinct before you go get that warrant, so I can take Liv's car and go talk to the jurors?" she instructed, and they both nodded.

She handed Olivia her car keys, and Olivia told her that she will find her own keys on her desk.

* * *

Olivia walked up to a man hunched over a few files in a small cubicle. "Lieutenant Benson, NYPD," she introduced herself, showing the man her badge. "I'm looking for Linda McNamara."

The man silently pointed her towards a woman on the opposite end of the room, her shoulder-length black hair pulled back into a ponytail, as she talked with another man. Olivia approached her, doing her best to push down the guttural need she suddenly had to punch the woman. She still remembered the day Trevor Lanagan walked into her office and told her that social services were investigating the incident with Noah's lungs, and his rib fractures. And the condescending tone of the social worker as she informed her that her absence from Noah's bedside would be noted in the report. Even though she didn't leave him alone, he had Lucy and Mrs. Amaro with him, but no, she couldn't give her a break. But because the girl was a teenager, the social worker was more than happy to do the minimally required of her. After all, the girl was in the Beaumont Academy, what more were they expecting of her.

"Linda McNamara?" Olivia called, as she finally came to a stop behind the woman in question, who immediately turned around at the mention of her name.

"Yes?" the woman nodded in agreement.

Olivia got the first good look at her face, she was a bit younger than her, but she saw the toll her work took on her.

"Lieutenant Benson, Manhattan SVU. I need to ask you a few questions about one of your cases," Olivia repeated the all too familiar line, once more showing the woman her badge, who immediately nodded in understanding. "Is there somewhere more private where we can talk?" Olivia asked, and the woman ushered her to a closed conference room.

Once inside, and the door closed. Linda turned to Olivia, her concern evident as she asked. "May I ask which one of my cases you're referring to?"

"Savina Matthews." Even as the name rolled off her tongue, she could feel the bile rising once more, as her throat clamped up.

"What about her? Is she in any trouble?" she asked in concern, and even Olivia had to admit that it was genuine.

"Before we get to that, why don't you tell me about her," Olivia suggested, and the woman obediently obliged.

"She's been my case since she was four, her parents died in a car accident," she recounted.

"No living relatives?" she wondered, and the woman shook her head.

"They weren't her biological parents, and apparently the father's family didn't approve of the adoption, so they made it perfectly clear that they didn't want her. And the maternal grandmother was in her seventies, with a wide range of diseases, so the courts didn't see her as fit to take care of a toddler. She passed away when Savina was ten." She elaborated.

"So do you know who handled the original adoption?"

"It was done through a church. St. Augustine in Sheepshead Bay," Linda answered simply, completely unaware of the effect the words had on Olivia. Her eyes widened ever so slightly at the mention of the church, and an all too familiar ache returned.

Linda, completely oblivious to Olivia's turmoil, continued on with her story. "She was abandoned on their steps, and the nuns gave her to the Matthews. Apparently, the mother was a member of the congregation, and had often talked to the sisters there about adoption."

"When was the last time you spoke to her?"

"I called her Monday right after school, she said she was on her way to the community center near her building, where she volunteers. I asked her if she needed anything, and she thanked me," Linda explained. "I'm sorry, Lieutenant, but you still haven't told me what this is about," she demanded.

"Savina was grabbed Monday night, held captive for four days, and viciously raped and tortured," Olivia hissed through gritted teeth. She wasn't necessarily angry with Linda, but it was all she could do not to sob at the constant heartbreak Savina's life seemed to be.

She saw the other woman's face blanch, as she blindly reached for a seat behind her, and plopped down into it. "Oh my God!" she whispered in disbelief. "Is…..is….s…..is she okay?" she stuttered, and Olivia almost scoffed at the ridiculous question.

"She's alive," she alluded. "She has a concussion, broken ribs, burns and cuts over most of her body," she listed hoarsely, barely able to hold back the tears.

"How the hell did the Solearno's not inform me that she was missing?" she growled angrily.

"It might be because they didn't even know!" Olivia snapped, and Linda looked at her in confusion. "They've been away since Friday, and apparently, they have a habit of doing that," Olivia spat her explanation, and Linda started shaking her head.

"I knew they weren't the most affectionate of foster families, but to leave her alone!" she mumbled in disbelief.

"I don't understand how the hell did they pass their home studies? Don't you guys vet these families?" Olivia chastised angrily.

"Of course we do, but they were the only family that lived close enough to the school that was willing to take a teenager," Linda defended her actions. "The older Savina got, the more difficult it became to find a place for her. She's not a trouble maker, but the second she got that scholarship to the Academy, I knew she couldn't stay in a group home. The scholarship had strict rules, and she needed a suitable environment to help her keep it." she continued.

"How long has she been with them?" Olivia nearly barked.

"Since Spring."

Olivia's eyes widened, and her heart ached. She had tried to become an adoptive parent before, and got turned down, but those two idiots passed! How the hell was this fair? How the hell do you keep a person in your home for almost a year, and still treat them that way? She had made up her mind about adopting Noah a month into it.

"She's been living with them for almost a year, and they don't even bother to take her with them on vacations?" she whispered in disbelief.

"Lieutenant, they were foster parents, they had made it perfectly clear that they had no intention of adopting. And in my experience, when a family like this agrees to take older kids, and makes it clear that adoption is not an option, they're in it for the money." Linda explained sadly, and that only served to fuel Olivia's wrath.

"And you let them?" she bellowed.

"They put a roof over her head, they had decent jobs, and they don't abuse her. And in cases like Savina, anything is better than a group home," Linda claimed, and Olivia was doing everything in her power to fight the urge to strangle both Linda and the Solearno's with her bare hands.

"I'm gonna need her file," she fumed, and the other woman nodded, before hastily exiting the room, and leaving Olivia to her dark thoughts.

* * *

The drive back to the precinct was as hazy as the one she took that morning back from the hospital. She had been an SVU detective for sixteen years now, and the child cases still got to her. Especially this one. And it wasn't just because of the Lewis factor. Neither did it have anything to do with the abandonment component that reminded her of how she got to Noah. No, it was because of another secret that she had kept buried for the longest of times.

She stalked through the doors, and barely spared a glance at any body as she made her way to the bullpen. She was glad when she found it empty, Fin, Amanda and Carisi hadn't returned yet. She made a beeline for her office, and shut both the door and the blinds behind her, before she collapsed in her chair. The file she got from Linda McNamara was lying on the desk, with a picture of a radiantly smiling Savina looking back at her. She traced her fingers over her smiling face, lingering for a moment on her eyes. They say the eyes were the portal to your soul, but there was something about those particular set of beautiful brown eyes that called to her. She hadn't even realized she was crying till a tear fell on the picture, and her vision got blurry.

She looked up at the sound of a knock on her door, and she quickly wiped away at the tears, turning in the chair away from the door, as she ushered whoever on the other side in. The door slowly opened, as she finally turned back to face her visitor. A tearful smiled pulled at her lips, her eyes watering up once more when she saw Barba standing there. The door firmly closed behind him, as he slowly walked over to the desk.

He wordlessly wrapped his arms around her shoulders, as she buried her face in his chest. His hand came up to her head, where he stroked her hair soothingly. "He's gone, Liv." He stated firmly, and felt her shake her head.

"It's not Lewis," she mumbled dejectedly, her voice muffled by his shirt and body. He didn't say anything, simply waited for her to continue once she was ready. But to his surprise, all she did was turn her head slightly, as she reached for the file and opened it. He followed her finger as it settled on a specific part of the page. His eyes immediately closing in understanding, and softening even further, as he looked down at her sadly. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm sorry baby," he fought back tears as he whispered those words into her hair. "Do you wanna go visit her before we go home?" he asked, and she merely nodded.

Just then, they heard noises coming from outside, and she pulled back from his embrace to pull herself back together. She had barely managed to wipe away the smudged mascara and eyeliner, when a knock came at her door. She nodded at Barba, as she took a sip from the water bottle she had stashed in one of her drawers.

"Come in," Barba called out, and the door immediately opened to reveal Fin, Amanda, and Carisi. Or her Merry Men, as Barba sometimes refered to them.

They all filed into the office, closing the door behind them once more. The tear tracks wasn't lost on any of them, and they wanted to give their lieutenant some privacy.

"What did you guys find?" Barba inquired.

"Well, Lewis's jury was mostly guys, only about five women were on it. We spoke to three of them, all of which had solid alibis. We're missing two, one has been in Paris on her honeymoon for the past two weeks, and the other one is the juror who helped Lewis escape," Fin declared.

"Not to mention, she's the only one who matches the description Eddie gave Carisi," Rollins interjected, before Barba could object to them immediately blaming the one juror who stood against them during the Lewis trial.

"What description?" Olivia demanded.

"Eddie said that while he waited for Savina to climb the stairs, and give him the okay, a woman knocked on the lobby door, she had loads of grocery bags, and thanked him for helping her. He said she headed to one of the ground level apartments, but that Savina called out that she was inside before he was able to see which apartment she entered. We checked with residents of that floor, and no one had gone grocery shopping that night. Not to mention that Eddie said she had red hair, and pale skin. And the residents of that floor, are an elderly couple, an African American one, and a middle aged Ukrainian woman," Carisi justified their argument.

"Did Eddie get a good look at her face?" Barba asked, and Carisi shook his head.

"No, said he didn't really pay much attention, because he was keeping his eye and ear attuned to Savina."

"And based on something the three other women said, we spoke to a couple of the men on the jury and they told us the same thing," Fin started.

"Which was?" Olivia urged.

Just then, both Fin and Amanda's phones buzzed, and after a quick glance at it, they both looked at each other.

"Is someone going to include us on the big secret?" Olivia quipped.

"That was Melinda, she said she's got something for us, and wants to see us urgently. So Carisi, why don't you head on down, and we'll catch up?" Rollins suggested, ignoring the questioning look she got from Fin.

Carisi nodded, and swiftly opened the door.

"Chief!" he exclaimed, and once again Amanda and Fin shared a look.

"Detective," Dodds greeted, as he made his way towards the office.

"Lieutenant, any update on the case?" he asked, and Olivia nodded.

Fin and Amanda took the opportunity to slip away from the office. "We'll see what Warner has for us," Amanda hurriedly explained.

Olivia could tell that they were all trying to hide something, but she was not sure what it was.

Dodds closed the door behind the other three, and turned around to face Olivia and Barba. Olivia took a deep breath to calm her nerves, felt Barba squeeze her shoulder in support, before she started filling Dodds in on the events of the past couple of hours. She knew that with the Lewis angle, 1PP were going to be keeping an even closer eye on her, and her relationship with Barba, so she figured frequent meeting with the chief was something she should expect for the duration of the case.

Once the other three were clear from the office, Carisi looked at his partners and asked. "Someone wanna tell me why we're acting like we just committed a crime?" he dead-panned and Fin couldn't help but chuckle.

Amanda was already at the elevator, when she turned around, and nearly growled her explanation. "Melinda's got something for us, but she didn't want Liv to come with us."

"Why?" he asked, as they all stepped into the elevator.

"I guess, we're about to find out," Fin replied, as the doors swiftly slid shut.


	5. Chapter 5

The three detectives walked into the morgue, and found a pensive looking Melinda practically glaring at the file in her hands. She looked so deep in thought that she didn't even look up when the three came to a stop in front of her.

"Dr. Warner?" Carisi called questioningly, but received no response.

"Melinda?" Fin called a bit louder…..still nothing.

Amanda, never being the patient one, put her fingers in her mouth and blew out, releasing a loud whistle, making even both men jump in surprise. Carisi glared at her, while Fin shook his head in amusement at the always impatient blonde, but both bit their tongues when Melinda finally looked up at them.

"You wanted to see us?" Amanda said sweetly, batting her eyelashes at the older woman, who at the moment seemed like someone just killed her cat.

"Before I hand you this file. Yes, I double checked. I ran the DNA almost a dozen times before I called you. NO, there was no cross contamination. Yes, I'm sure of the findings. And no, I have no idea how it can happen," she counted off hastily, her voice not only firm, and leaving no room for arguments, but audibly shaken.

"Melinda, why don't you just cut to the chase?" Fin suggested, and she handed them the file.

"When your vic's DNA went through the system, there was a familial match," she explained, as Amanda took the file from her and popped it open. All three immediately gaped at the printed paper, before Carisi finally raised his eyes to meet the equally baffled ones of Melinda Warner. "That can't be!" he breathed in shock.

Melinda opened her mouth to agree with him, when her eyes snapped to Fin when the last three words she expected left his mouth. "Yes, it can."

Once Melinda looked closely, she noted that the only one who seemed completely shocked by the news was Carisi. Fin and Amanda, despite being initially shocked, were now more concerned.

"This complicates everything!" Amanda pointed out, dropping the hand that's holding the file to her side, and running the other through her hair.

"You two knew about this?" Melinda demanded, almost angrily, though her drop dead look was directed at Fin.

"Not  _this_ ," Fin defended, his hand pointing to the file still in Amanda's hand. "She told me a couple of years ago, after Elliot left. We were out in a bar, and apparently it was her birthday."

"Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on?" a frustrated Carisi almost growled.

"I think that's a story you both should hear from her," Amanda answered softly.

"Does Barba know?" Melinda wondered, and the only two detectives who seemed to know what was going on, shrugged. "She told me after Nick left, and we haven't mentioned it since. But they were close before they started dating, so he may have an idea," she replied, the last sentence seemed to be more wishful thinking than anything. It was going to be hard enough telling Olivia about this, and adding Barba's name to the list was not something she wanted to do.

"How do you wanna handle this?" Carisi pipped up.

"I don't know," Amanda breathed in frustration, before she turned around and made her way to the elevator. Fin motioned with his head to Melinda to follow them, before he joined Carisi and trailed behind a now too-pissed-off-to-reason-with Amanda. It wasn't lost on Fin how close the blonde had gotten to Olivia, and how they both seemed to have a lot in common. So it was only rational for Amanda to be taking this personally. It's not like it wasn't personal for him too. Hell! It just became personal for the entire department. But he had been doing this longer than Amanda had, and he knew that someone had to be the level headed one, and it sure as hell wasn't going to be Olivia. Come hell or high waters, the bitch who did this was going to be caught, and he knew Barba would fry her. This was personal for him too. But if they all let their feelings get to them, they may slip, and the defense can use it to claim vendetta.

Once they were inside the elevator, Amanda seemed to have finally regained her bearings. He saw sanity slowly creeping back into her eyes, as the gears in her head turned desperately in an effort to process the information, and try to come up with a solution. He thought it was a good time to lay down his plan.

"Amanda, how about we talk to Barba first? See where he stands with this, I don't think Liv's been dating him for nearly eight months and never mentioned this, so he might be able to help us break the news to her," he suggested, and when she offered no objections, he continued. "If Dodds is still there, we'll pull him out of the office, and talk to him in the crib, then we can all figure out a way to tell her."

All three nodded, just as the elevator's doors slid open at their floor. "Fin, why don't you pull him out? And Carisi, I want you to actually step in and tell them both what the jurors told Fin and I, as well as the description Eddie gave us. This should keep the conversation between them going long enough for us to talk to Barba," Amanda told him, and the younger detective merely nodded.

But as it turned out, they didn't have to worry about the first part of their plan. For as soon as they entered the squad room, they found none other than Barba leaning against Fin's desk, with his phone pressed to his ear. His eyes narrowed slightly at the four of them, one eyebrow quirking up when he saw Melinda with them, bearing the same face the other three had.

The Spanish words he was saying into the phone suddenly gained speed, and by the time they came to a stop in front of him, he had already hung up.

"Is everything alright?" he cut to the chase, his eyes suspiciously studying all of their faces, and warily looking at Melinda. It was never good news when the ME decided to make the trip to the squad room herself.

Carisi took that as his cue to head for Olivia's office. "We need to talk to you," Amanda said instead, gesturing with her hand towards the crib. This somehow made the knot in his stomach twist tighter.

When Olivia's eyes cut to the interaction going in the bullpen, it didn't go unnoticed by Dodds, but he had assumed that the detectives would come inside anyway, to give him any updates. He was surprised when the only one who came into the office, was Carisi. The confused look on Olivia's face as she watched Fin and Amanda lead Melinda and Barba towards the crib, had him turning around in time to see a very confused Barba following the other three. He sidestepped Carisi, and yanked the door open.

"Detective Tutuola, a word!" He demanded, before stepping back into the office, without waiting for Fin to reply.

Fin glanced over at Amanda, and she nodded reassuringly at him. "I've got this Fin," she assured him.

Fin walked back towards Olivia's office, as the other three continued to the crib.

Once he was inside, and before he even got a chance to close the door behind him, Dodds immediately turned towards him. Not even giving Olivia a chance to ask any of the thousand questions on her mind. It was quite obvious that the Chief did not appreciate being dragged in on a Saturday, especially under the circumstances. If only he knew that it was about to get worse.

"Lieutenant Benson said that you and your partner spoke to some of the jurors on Lewis's trial, seeing as they were the only ones who had access to the records of the injuries," Dodds started, and Fin nodded. "She also said that they may have said something to implicate one of them in this," he added and once again nodded.

"When they delivered the verdict, the forewoman said that they had concerns regarding the Lieutenant's conduct that they were not sure how to address, and that they wanted it on the record," Fin started, quoting the forewoman's word for word.

"Alright." Dodds urged him to continue.

"According to the ones we spoke to, the forewoman was the only one who had an issue! The rest were not only okay with it, but also said that the Lieutenant should've shot him!" Fin dead-panned and Olivia nearly chuckled at the grin plastered on his face as he said the last line. "They said that she was the only one who returned a 'not guilty' verdict on all four charges, and refused to budge. But when they said that they were gonna request a replacement, she caved and gave them the kidnap and assault, but claimed that she wasn't sold on the attempted rape and murder. And said that if she doesn't get to tell the judge about her 'reservations', that she will declare a hung jury, which will likely lead to a miss trial. And since by then they weren't sure if they still had the grounds to replace her, they came back with the verdict they delivered, and let her put her reservations on the record." He finished, and Olivia was shocked. The voice of the forewoman echoed in her head as she declared they found him not guilty of attempted rape and murder. She knew that her conduct was questionable, but like Dr. Lindstrom had told her, no one can really expect her to have any other reaction. She knew she beat Lewis while he was handcuffed, and she knew that when the forewoman testified to the grand jury that she gave him a brutal beating, that she was right. But she had lied, she had told everyone that she had lunged at her. And she can't come out and say it now, she never even openly admitted it to Barba. She knew that he knew she lied, but he never confronted her, and she didn't want to risk his job. She had come out in public and admitted that beating was brutal and uncalled for, but then Murphy stepped in and claimed it was a gambit to lure Lewis out, and she let him save her. But now…all of that may have led to an innocent girl going through hell for four days. The kind of hell she was all too familiar with.

"And that forewoman is the only one you still haven't talked to?" Dodds asked, and Fin shook his head.

"No, there's another one. But she's blonde," Fin told him, as if that explained everything, but Dodds looked confused.

"What does her hair color have to do with anything?"

"Well, as I was trying to say before you stalked off," Olivia nearly snapped. "Savina volunteers at the community center near where she lived, and on Monday, one of the parents offered to walk her home. Detective Carisi spoke with him, and he mentioned letting someone into Savina's building while he waited for her to let him know that she was safe inside her apartment," she continued, her tone still clipped, and slightly agitated.

"He gave you a description?" Dodds directed his question at Carisi.

"He said he didn't get a good look at her face, but she had red hair, pale skin, and was slightly overweight," Carisi listed off.

"And that matches the description of the forewoman," Dodds stated, not really waiting for an answer. "Can the vic ID her?" he wondered and Olivia shook her head.

"No, she said that either she was blindfolded, or the juror wore a mask. She said all she got is the voice."

Just then, the door to the office opened, and the other three walked in. Dodds, decided that this was his que to leave.

"Keep me posted of any developments," he ordered, before he took his leave.

Olivia took one look at the faces of those around her, and her heart dropped. She studied Barba, she knew him best. She saw a wide arrange of emotions flashing in his expressive eyes. His face was schooled properly, tense even. But his eyes, his eyes always betrayed him if you knew where to look.

"Sweetheart, we need to talk," he said softly, and she knew something was  _really_ up if he was calling her that at work.

* * *

_**A few minutes prior….** _

Barba and Melinda followed Amanda into the crib, and waited for her to close the door.

"Will someone tell me what's going on?" Barba now demanded impatiently.

Amanda sighed, finally coming to a decision about how to start. "When we came in earlier, I saw Savina's file open on Liv's desk," she started, and he nodded. "Did you read it?" she wondered, and once again he nodded. "Skimmed through it," he corrected.

"Did you notice the birthday?" she asked, and he nodded, his previously hardened stare softening significantly.

"Yes, I did."

"So you know the story?" Amanda alluded, and he sighed. "Yeah, I do. She told me about it after you told her Johnny D was Noah's biological father," he elaborated, directing his last statement at Melinda. "But what does that have to do with anything?" he asked, and Amanda sighed, handing him the file. He looked quizzically at her, but all she did was put her hands in her back pockets, as he popped open the file.

She saw his eyes land on the line in question, before an array of emotions clouded his eyes. She saw the fleeting moment of happiness, before the gravity of the situation dawned on him once more. Anger, pain, frustration all flashed in his eyes, before he finally looked up at her, and all she saw was sympathy. She just wasn't entirely sure if it was for Olivia, or Savina.

Barba couldn't believe his eyes, he read the line over and over again, his brain refusing to register the words he was actually reading. He simply refused to believe it, it couldn't be right. There must've been some mistake, a cross contamination of sorts.

The day he heard the sobbing story from Olivia was seared into his brain, the way she clung to Noah, the way she clung to him. He remembered the time it took him to get the mascara stains off his tie, the way his suit smelled of her for nearly a week. He felt happy, for a split second he forgot about the horrible situation they were in, he forgot about how  _exactly_  they came to make this connection, and merely thought of what it meant. But then it all dawned on him, and his heart sank. And that's when far too many emotions for him to name flooded him, and he finally raised his eyes to meet the pair that were currently studying him.

He looked at Melinda, his mouth opening to form a question, but she seemingly knew what was going through his mind. "I'm sure of the results," she stated before he got the chance to ask.

He nodded, almost on autopilot at this moment, before his eyes now found Amanda's. She looked like he felt!

"We figured you might know how to tell Liv," Amanda finally breathed, when it seemed like he wouldn't be saying anything.

* * *

_**Back in Olivia's office….** _

"You guys are scaring me," Olivia confessed, that sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach increasing when she saw Carisi reach behind Melinda and close the blinds, just like Fin did. They all stood in the office; Carisi with his back leaned against the door, Melinda and Amanda were both standing in front of the desk, with Amanda's hands in her back pocket, and Melinda's were buried deep in her lab coat. Fin merely stood behind the two women, one hand finding a fidgeting Amanda's shoulder to still her. Barba was the only one who made his way around the desk, and stood next to her. He had a file in his hand, one that he was clutching tightly…too tight! His knuckles were nearly white.

"There's a match on Savina's DNA," he spoke gently, and she gulped.

"Please don't tell me she's Johnny D's daughter too," she all but begged, and he shook his head.

"The hit wasn't criminal, it's law enforcement," he elaborated, and she gaped at him. A distant part of her brain made the connection, probably the part that was under the control of her heart, but the logical part quashed the idea. There was no way, she can't be. And yet….stranger things have happened. Her eyes wandered back to the picture of a smiling Savina on her desk, and she suddenly knew. She knew what Barba was going to say, she knew what was in that file, she knew why she looked familiar…she knew the truth.

But Barba didn't say anything, he merely opened the file in his hand, and gently placed it over Savina's, directly in Olivia's line of sight. He didn't do anything, didn't say anything. He let her find the line that would change her life forever.

Her eyes landed on the line in question instantly, and she stared at it. Her eyes frantically going over it again and again, even though a part of her knew before she actually read it, she was afraid of believing it. She felt Barba's comforting hand on her shoulder, and she finally cut her eyes to meet his.

He saw the tears glistening in her eyes, those beautiful terrified chocolate eyes. He saw the happiness, the confusion, the dread, the pain…..he saw the need in her eyes, the need for him to say it.

"Liv," he said softly, kneeling by her side at the desk, and holding her gaze steady. The hand that was on her shoulder, now moved to cup her cheek gently. "She's yours."

That did it. The tears that had pulled into her eyes, started to spill one by one. He saw the flicker of happiness, before the sadness and pain took over once more.

"But how?" she whimpered. "They gave me a dead baby!" she exclaimed tearfully.

"Olivia," Melinda now spoke, and waited till Olivia's broken gaze met her slightly steadier ones, before she continued. "Who are they?" she asked.

Olivia opened her mouth to answer, but closed it again, to stifle the sob that nearly escaped. She cast her eyes downwards, her gaze landing on the part of the picture that was peeking from under the file Barba placed in front of her. She pushed the file to the side, her fingers now tracing the smiling face before her.

"Liv," Fin called her gently, and she reluctantly raised her eyes to meet his. "Why don't you start at the beginning?" he suggested.

She took the picture into her hand, and she kept her gaze firmly on it. The distant echoes of pain-filled cries, drowning out the sounds of the two older women rang in her ears. She had spent nights recalling those few hours, how painful it was, the sweat that trickled down her face, how it seemingly took forever, the darkness that claimed her, and the silence that greeted her when she finally opened her eyes.

"I was still in patrol," she started, not even bothering to hold back the tears. It only made her voice all the more chocked up. "It was why I applied to SVU, I figured it was slightly less dangerous than the streets, and it was something that I wanted. I was living in Sheepshead bay, and I managed to keep it hidden till about the last week of the second trimester. I started to show, and the usual lie about weight gain was not cutting it anymore. Luckily, the transfer order to SVU came through, and I had enough time before I start to have the baby, and I had enough vacation days, so I took them off." She recounted, finally tearing her eyes away from the picture, and meeting Melinda's eyes. Who was now sitting in the chair in front of her office, and Carisi was perched on the back of Amanda's chair. Fin still stood behind the two women, with his hands shoved in his pockets, while Barba was now sitting on the armrest of her chair.

She took a shuddering breath. "That day I was out running some errands, I still had a couple of more weeks to term. There was a storm that night, and I was rushing home, when I started having contractions. I didn't have a cellphone, and the closest building was the church. I rushed inside and told the nuns to call an ambulance, but they said the phone lines were out because of the storm. I honestly thought they were Braxton Hicks, but my water broke. One of the nuns was a nurse, and when she checked, she said I was ready to start pushing." She chocked-out. "I fainted right after I delivered, I don't even remembering hearing her cry." She whispered tearfully, her voice shaking as she tried to get through the story without sobbing. "When I woke up, the room was awfully quiet, no sounds of a screaming infant, no babbling, no shushing, nothing. And they all looked very, very grim. They said that she wasn't breathing, and that they tried everything in their power, but she just didn't breathe, that she was gone." She finally broke down, turning her body to bury her face in Barba's chest, who silently wrapped his arms around her.

The room fell silent, save for the muffled sounds of Olivia's sobbing. The two people who were hearing the story for the first time were as silent as statues, with Carisi fighting back his tears, while Melinda let them freely cascade down her cheeks. She was a mother, so she knew how hard it was to lose one. How you keep telling yourself through the pain of labor, that at the end of it, you will have a beautiful healthy baby. That it will all be worth it in the end, that you just had to get through those few hours of pain to get to the joy. Just like the rest of the team, child cases always got to her more than they should. She understood how the parents felt, and this one was no different. Except now…..now it was personal.

Fin was the first to break the silence. "Liv, I know it's difficult, but can you think of any reason they would think you didn't want this baby?" he asked, and she shook her head, as she pulled back.

"Well, they had a dead baby, so this was planned." Carisi now interjected, his voice heavy.

"Maybe not, it could all have been a weird string of coincidences," Melinda refuted. "Unless you've been there before, and had told them something they interpreted as not wanting the baby," she added, and once again, Olivia adamantly shook her head.

"The first time I set a foot in that place was that night, and the only thing I said, was that she was early, and that I just wasn't ready, and a little scared. I never said I didn't want her," she growled adamantly.

"That's nothing. I said the same thing about my daughter!" Melinda argued softly. "It's natural, once it's time for the baby, it all becomes too real, and you freak out. It's hormones!"

"Carisi, why don't you go to the church, and try to find out how the hell did any of this happen. But don't let them know what's going on, I don't want them lawyering up!" Amanda ordered. "Can you hold off on putting this into the system until we get a chance to talk to Savina?" she directed her question at Melinda, who nodded. Her eyes cut out to Fin when his phone buzzed. "That's the canvas, they found the canary." He informed them.

"Why don't you take it?" Amanda suggested, and he nodded.

"Liv, I gotta ask. Did you tell anyone about this at the time? I mean, how come this never came up." Amanda asked, and Olivia nodded.

"My mother knew. I called her once the lines came back, and she was there when I buried her. I have the file at home, ultrasound pictures, as well as the birth and death certificates. And it never came up, because a couple of years into the job, I told Alex Cabot about it, and she managed to get those records sealed. There wasn't a hospital paper trail, so it wasn't that hard." She answered. "I didn't want some defense attorney finding out, and using it as leverage whenever they pleased." She explained, and Amanda nodded.

"And what about the father?" Carisi asked, and Olivia scoffed. "When I told him I was pregnant, he said he knew a guy who can take care of this, and no one will ever know. I showed up on his doorstep a week later, and had him sign away his parental rights. I never saw him after that."

"Okay, why don't we go talk to Savina, see what she has to say about any of this. And we'll take it from there." Amanda offered, and Olivia nodded.

"I need the names of the nuns who helped you deliver." Carisi piped up.

"There were only two; Sister Agnes, and Sister Teresa." She replied instantly, and he nodded. 


	6. Chapter 6

Olivia found herself standing in the elevator once more, her head on Barba's shoulder, her hand grasping Amanda's tightly. The elevator seemed to be moving at a slowly torturous pace, stopping at every single floor, to either let people out, or in. Almost as if it was teasing her, taunting her, prolonging a moment that she had dreamed of for so long. Granted she never thought it would be possible, and never under the circumstances, but she couldn't deny that she was happy. Her baby was alive, she didn't die. She wasn't blind to the fight she had ahead of her, she of all people knew it all too well. But at least she wouldn't be alone.

The doors finally opened at their designated floor, and she allowed both Barba and Amanda to basically pull her out. She was terrified, she had no idea what she was going to say to the girl, how she was going to explain any of this. How was she supposed to tell her that she was hers? That she brought this all on her? What if the girl already knew, but wanted nothing to do with her? She can't really blame her. She suddenly felt sick, and not so sure anymore. She felt like her knees might give out any second, and was never more grateful for Barba's hand that was firmly grasping her. Amanda now had a gentle hand on her back as she maneuvered them towards the girl's room. They had barely walked a couple of feet down the hall, when a voice called from behind.

"Lieutenant Benson."

They all turned around, and both women recognized the doctor they had been speaking to that morning. And one they had met on numerous occasions, sadly not all had happy endings.

"Dr. Thompson." Amanda greeted. "You're still here?" she wondered and he nodded.

"You've been here since they brought her in," Olivia remarked, clearly impressed with his dedication.

"Yeah, but she's not entirely out of the woods yet, so I'm keeping a close eye on her," he explained.

Olivia's heart sunk even further at the revelation. "Why isn't she out of the woods yet?" she heard Barba ask.

"She has a concussion, she's hung over, and she was pumped full of drugs. That's a dangerous combination, and we can never predict how the body can react to such a cocktail, so we're monitoring her closely." He told them, and Olivia almost swayed on the spot, if Barba's hand hadn't tightened around hers.

"I was actually on my way to her room for a neuro checkup," he declared, as he gestured with his hand towards her room. They all joined him, as they headed down the seemingly endless hall.

"I assume you have some news if you're here at this hour?" he alluded, and Amanda nodded.

"Yeah, we wanna run a few things by her," she said simply.

"I do hope that whoeve…..Ms. Matthews!" the chastising tone with which he called her name, made them all jump, as they rounded the corner, and came face to face with Savina, standing next to none other than Eddie Garcia.

"Dr. Thompson," Savina greeted.

"Rafi!" Eddie exclaimed happily, and Savina's head snapped to him in shock. She watched as he made his way over to the man in question, and engulf him in a hug.

"Eddie, I might be concussed, hung over and pumped full of drugs, but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to call the ADA that!" she quipped.

"I'll call him anything I want," Eddie protested jokingly. "Los Tres Mosqueteros De Jerome Avenue!" he continued, and Savina's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Excuse me?" the doctor wondered.

"The Three Musketeers of Jerome Avenue!" Savina translated with ease.

"You told her about that?" Barba asked incredulously, and to all their surprise, Savina –momentarily forgetting about her situation – genuinely grinned at Barba. "Yep!"

He couldn't help but mirror her smile, chuckling softly at the mischievous gleam in her eyes. "Don't believe a word he said!" he ordered jokingly.

"Well, that's a good sign," Dr. Thompson pointed out. "If you're alert enough to understand Spanish, that's a good sign."

"You hang around three Cubans for almost two years, you pick up a thing or two. And does that mean you won't be flashing that annoying light in my eye?" Savina said sweetly.

"Not a chance!" Dr. Thompson dead panned. "And what is it that you think you're doing?" he asked, as he fished the 'annoying light' out of his scrub pocket.

"Eh, walking!" Savina stated simply, scrunching her nose at the sight of the flash light.

"Cute!" Dr. Thompson retorted, as he flashed the light into her eyes, one at a time.

"Nurse said she can try walking if she's feeling up to it," Eddie started. "Was she supposed to stay in bed?" he asked.

"Squeeze my fingers," Dr. Thompson instructed gently, placing his index and forefinger inside her palms, and she did as instructed.

"Like I was telling Lieutenant Benson, you're concussed, hung over, and pumped full of drugs. I just don't want you rushing things, and then crumping on us," he elaborated, his eyes holding Savina's steady. "How's your head?" he asked.

"Pounding," she declared.

"Well, that could be the hang over," the doctor stated.

"Yes, someone remind of this if I decide I ever wanna touch alcohol again," she quipped, and Olivia had to admit that her spirit was impressive.

"Will do!" Eddie said matter of factly, and she chuckled, before she hissed in pain, and grabbed her side.

"Why don't we head back to your room since I need to speak to you about a few things, and it is my understanding they want to talk to you as well, and it's not good for you to do too much at the moment," he suggested, placing a gentle hand on her back, and turning her back towards the room.

Olivia, since she set eyes on Savina standing in the middle of the hall next to Eddie, had been unable to keep her eyes off of her, nor was she able to keep her emotions at bay. Savina looked like her, same tanned skin, her hair a slightly lighter shade of brown…but her eyes. Her eyes were the exact replica of Olivia's. She had grown up to hate her eyes, with the amount of times her mother had reminded her that they were her father's, Olivia had found it hard to forget about where they came from. Even though she had often got compliments about her eyes, she still loathed them. Never mind the fact that they actually betrayed her true emotions if you know how to look. But now, she couldn't hate them anymore. They weren't his eyes anymore, they were hers, they were her baby's eyes.

She saw the determination she saw that morning, the protective walls she wall too familiar with, the anger at the pity glances she was surely getting. But when she tore away at those, she saw the little girl. The little girl whose life consisted of one turmoil and heart ache after each other. The one who never got the chance to have a normal childhood, and never wanted to burden anyone. Who still had trouble believing that she had people who care about her, and reluctantly accepted their help. She saw the gratitude in her eyes directed at Eddie, at them.

Her heart lurched when she swayed once the doctor turned her around, and nearly jumped to her aid if Barba hadn't held her back, muttering 'paciencia' under his breath. She saw Eddie rush to her side, one hand grasping the outstretched hand that Savina flung reflexively in an attempt to gain her balance. She couldn't help the stab of jealousy that coursed through her at the sight of Eddie comforting  _her_ little girl. But she had to remind herself that she didn't even know yet. And she was glad that at least in the past couple of years, she had someone in her life who looked out for her.

"Are you okay?" Eddie asked in concern.

"I will be as soon as the room stops spinning," she joked weakly.

"I'll get a wheelchair," Dr. Thompson informed them, but Eddie shook his head. "No need." He said, and in one swift motion, he bent down, and gathered Savina into his arms.

They quickly walked back to the room, and Amanda helped Dr. Thompson and Eddie get her into bed, while Barba rushed to the jar of water sitting on the table, and poured her a cup. Olivia silently made her way around the bed, and softly lowered herself onto the bed.

She knew Barba was right outside in the hall when he told her to have patience, but how was anyone expecting her to hold back any longer? She'd been mourning her for seventeen years now, she didn't run to her and pull her into her arms like she wanted to. She merely sat next to her, taking comfort in the proximity. Which she guessed would have to be enough for quite some time. She was sure Savina was going to need some time to adjust to the news.

Eddie gently lowered her into the bed, and Amanda pulled the covers back up around her, while the doctor connected her once more to the monitors.

"Savina, can you tell me what you're feeling?" Dr. Thompson asked gently, once again pulling his flashlight and flashing it in Savina's eyes.

"Just a little dizzy," she answered, her eyes now once again focusing. She gladly accepted the water Barba offered, smiling thankfully at him.

"We'll let you get some rest," Eddie instructed, but she shook her head.

"No, no. I'm fine, I just moved too fast, and my head was already half spinning," she objected, before she finally looked at Dr. Thompson. "You said you wanted to talk to me about something," she offered, and he nodded.

"Yeah, you sure you're up for it?" he asked, and she nodded. "Well, when we first looked at your x-rays, we were more concerned with the more recent injuries, but looking back at them now," he started, and she smiled softly, already knowing what he was going to say.

"You found old rib fractures," she finished for him, and he nodded. Of course the two cops and the ADA in the room assumed the worst, and all three suddenly took threatening stances.

"Old foster homes," Olivia nearly growled, and Savina's eyes snapped to meet hers.

"No, nothing like that. Diana, my best friend, has two left feet, and out of everything, she decided to take up figure skating," she explained hastily to a seemingly furious Olivia. "She's responsible for both fractures," she added. "She didn't know how to stop and she crashed into an unsuspecting me, and we both fell on the ice, with her on top of me. And the other time, we slammed into the door leading to the viewers benches, once again with me acting as the softening cushion."

Dr. Thompson sighed, "That explains only two of them," he alluded. "We found three," he said after a moment's pause, "and they look like they may have happened a few years back, not to mention old head injuries," he listed, and Savina averted her eyes.

"Savina?" Eddie called questioningly, and she reluctantly raised her gaze to meet his. "What is he talking about?" he asked.

Savina sighed audibly in frustration, "abusive house when I was six," her voice was low, the humor that vibrated in it mere seconds ago was gone.

"Excuse me?!" Eddie almost growled, and she put her hand up to calm him.

"Don't worry, it was one time. A fall down the stairs, and he's been rotting in prison ever since," she explained hastily. "I was never really the quiet type, so I told the cops what happened, and he couldn't weasel his way out of it," she added.

"Which prison?" Eddie asked simply, and she arched an eyebrow at him.

"While I appreciate the gesture, he's already in a wheelchair. Apparently the idiot pissed off someone already spending life in prison, so he shived him in his back, completely cutting his spinal cord, leaving him paralyzed from the waist down." She told him, and he looked quizzically at her.

"How do you know all of this?"

"They sent me a letter when he tried to apply for parole for extenuating circumstances, asking if I want to come testify at the hearing. I didn't go, and his parole was denied, and I think Diana's dad may have had something to do with it."

"Good man!" he exclaimed, and she smiled.

"Well, we need to take a look at your medical records, and inform your social worker of what we find, and if the records match up with our findings it should be fine." Dr. Thompson told her and she nodded.

"Do you need anything else?" he asked.

"Yeah, when am I getting out of here?" she wondered.

"We need to make sure the drugs are safely flushed out of your system, and that the concussion and alcohol didn't do any permanent damage. So a week to say the least," he replied, and she groaned, seemingly back to her usual self, judging by the imperceptible relaxation of Eddie's shoulders.

"I'm so gonna get expelled," she commented, and Eddie glared at her.

"You can't seriously be worried about school now!" he cried incredulously.

"Well, the scholarship rules are pretty strict," she argued.

"They can't expel you because of any of this, legally they'd be opening themselves up to lawsuits, and pressure from the city," Barba interjected. "Don't worry, we'll deal with the school," he soothed. And he wasn't lying, they were going to deal with the school, but not really as the NYPD and DA's office, but rather as her parents. He didn't care what strings he would have to pull to keep her in that school, he was going to do whatever it takes.

Dr. Thompson's pager chose that moment to go off, and he excused himself. Savina then turned to Eddie. "Eddie, you have a long way home," she said softly, and he shook his head. "I'm not leaving you here, not with that woman still out there," he declared adamantly.

"Eddie, you have Danny and your mother to think about, she's not going to attack me in a hospital!" she retorted.

Once again, Barba decided to interfere before the argument got too heated. "Don't worry Eddie, she's gonna stay in the custody of the NYPD until whoever did this is caught. We need to speak to her about a few things anyways, and there's a detective on his way over to spend the night here, until we can get a uniform by the door," he told him. They had decided as they left, that once Carisi was done talking to the nuns; that he should head to the hospital, and spend the night with Savina, to make sure that the forewoman won't use the night shift's lack of staff and tries to finish the job.

"See, armed escort," she pipped up jokingly, and he sighed.

"Eddie, you're not choosing between me and him. He needs you more than I do," she reasoned, and he nodded reluctantly.

"Especially that I won't be telling him about this, until you're out of the hospital. Cause if I say hospital, he's gonna hear morgue!" he realized, and she nodded.

"Exactly," she affirmed.

"On one condition," he held up a finger, and she arched her eyebrow questioningly at him. "I'll bring breakfast in the morning, and you'll eat it." he all but ordered, and she looked like she was about to protest. "Omelets with black olives, parmesan and mozzarella cheese, with cinnamon French toast," he added, his voice softening up significantly. He smiled, as well as Olivia, when he saw the gleam in her eyes.

"You know your audience," she quipped, and he chuckled, as he made his way over to her, bending down to press a kiss to her forehead. "As soon as they're done, try to get some sleep. I'll come by tomorrow as soon as I wake up, and get Danny and my mom settled."

"No rush, evidently I'm not going anywhere," she grumbled as he headed for the door.

Once the door closed behind Eddie, the tension in the room almost seemed palpable. The three adults suddenly realizing that they have no idea how to approach the subject at hand, and it wasn't lost on them that Savina knew that something was up.

"Okay, you three are awfully quiet!" she remarked.

"We just need to talk to you about something, and we're not sure where to start," Amanda said honestly. That was partially the truth, never mind what they actually had to say.

"Well, why don't you just tell me what's going on?" Savina suggested.

"Well, it's about your mother," Olivia whispered, past the now choking lump in her throat, and Savina looked quizzically at her.

"There was a hit on your DNA when it went through the system," Amanda started.

"Ah!" Savina realized.

"You know who your mother is?" Barba almost squeaked.

"No, and I don't wanna know!"

 


	7. Chapter 7

Olivia's heart sank, she could feel it break within her chest, the whole new life she envisioned for Savina now that she will be in her care burned before her very eyes. She saw Savina's eyes harden, her jaws clenching tightly as she held Amanda's gaze steady. She didn't falter, she didn't hesitate, she was adamant about what she wanted, or rather what she didn't want. She did not want to know who her mother was. And in all honesty, Olivia couldn't blame her. It took all of the self-control she possessed to school her features and hide the pain, push back the tears that were pricking her eyes.

"Savina, just hear us out," Amanda pleaded gently. She understood where the girl was coming from, but she also knew what this was doing to Olivia. She didn't need to look at her Lieutenant to know that her heart was breaking. She heard the shuffling of feet behind her, and instinctively knew that Barba moved closer to Olivia to keep her calm. The last thing they needed was Olivia blurting out the truth, and Savina reacting badly to it.

But Savina simply shook her head, before she hissed and brought her hand up to her head. Olivia nearly bolted off the bed to comfort her when she saw the pained expression on her face, but Barba's hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"Sargent, trust me, many people before you have gone down that road with me and failed," she almost gasped through the pain, her eyes still closed, surely in an attempt to stop the room from spinning.

"Savina, it's not what you think. Your mom…." Amanda started to explain, but got cut off, when Savina's eyes snapped open, and her head – that was previously leaned back against the pillow – shot up to so that their eyes met. Amanda was taken aback by the anger in them. She knew the story that was in the file, and she suspected that Savina knew it as well. She was sure the girl would probably be hesitant to finding out her parentage, but she didn't think she would be this adamant. She was sure that every single emotion in the spectrum was showing on Olivia's face, and was surprised that Savina hadn't read into it by now. She blamed it on the concussion, drugs and alcohol in her system. Maybe doing this now was a bad idea, maybe they should have waited till tomorrow, till she was feeling a bit better before they bring it up. But then Savina's words took away any shred of hope Amanda had that they can calm her down, and turned it into dust. She honestly didn't know how Olivia was keeping her calm.

"My  _mom_  died when I was four in a car accident. The woman who gave birth to me," she hissed, and Olivia gulped. "She lost all rights to be called that, along with  _any_  rights to me when she left me on those steps." She growled.

Olivia closed her eyes, begging the tears not to fall. Savina's words cut deeper than the girl probably knew, she couldn't really blame her for believing that, but she also couldn't help the need to scream. Scream that none of it was true, scream for all the lost years, lost memories. Scream for all the pain her baby apparently endured, and then finally beg for a second chance. She was never the religious type, but at the moment, she was silently praying to whoever was listening not to take her baby away a second time.

"Lieutenant, are you alright?" Savina's concerned voice broke through her thoughts, and her eyes slowly fluttered open. She had managed to push the tears back down, and was hoping that her face didn't betray her. But the concern she saw in those big brown eyes told a different story. She slowly nodded her head, not trusting her voice enough to speak, but Savina did not look convinced.

"Look, I know that this case is opening up old wounds for you," Savina started, misinterpreting the pain she saw on Olivia's face. And Olivia didn't know if she should be grateful or pained. "She spent four days telling me what you alleged William had done to you; the four days with him, how obsessed you were with him, and how you managed to get him hung up on you. And finally, that beating you gave him," she continued softly, her tone making it very hard for Olivia to keep it together. "She described it in great detail, because she said that this was the final act." Her voice caught slightly at the end, and Olivia's heart lunged in pain. She just wanted to hold her, and do her best to take all the pain away. "But like I said this morning, she's a sociopath who fell in love with a rapist and a murderer, so I wouldn't put too much weight into her words. I wouldn't blame you if you recused yourself from the case," she offered softly, and that's when Olivia started to shake her head. "I can see the toll it's taking on you," Savina argued softly. "I don't wanna bring back old demons," Savina almost begged her, but Olivia wasn't going to back down. She knew that once they tell Savina the truth, that IAB and Dodds were probably going to yank her off the case. But until then, she would be damned if she let Savina believe that she was backing down from this fight.

"I won't let you face this alone, if anyone can help you through this, it's me," Olivia said adamantly, surprised by how steady her voice seemed. She hadn't realized that she had scooted closer to the girl, till Savina's hand softly slid into hers, and squeezed it reassuringly. They held each other's gaze for a moment, two sets of identical brown eyes boring into the other's soul. Olivia was hoping that she would be able to see the truth in her eyes. That she will know what they desperately wanted to tell her. But when she finally smiled at her warmly, before she turned to face Amanda, no form of recognition in her eyes, Olivia's eyes slid closed once more, as whatever was left of her heart shattered.

"Was there anything else Sargent?" Savina wondered, and Amanda's head snapped up from her phone. She had used the momentary distraction to shoot a text to both Fin and Carisi to let them know that Savina didn't know she was Olivia's, so that Carisi didn't spill the beans when he came.

"Actually, yes. We think we found where you were held, and one of our detectives is over there with CSU as we speak, so we should be getting more answers soon," she hastily replied, hoping that her voice wouldn't betray her either.

"You look like you have something else to say?" Savina pressed, and Amanda gave her a tight smile.

"Yeah, do you think you'd be able to recognize the woman's voice if you heard it again?" she asked, and Savina nodded. "Of course, I spent four days listening to it. I don't think I'll ever forget it," she assured her.

"Alright, that will help us a lot. Thank you," Amanda offered softly, before she finally turned around to face the other two in the room with them. And just like she suspected, Olivia was on the verge of a breakdown, and Barba was practically vibrating with suppressed emotions. She knew he was pissed if his jaws were set that tight, but she also knew that the anger wasn't really directed at Savina, but rather the circumstances that made her believe those things.

There was a sharp knock on the door, before it swung open, revealing Carisi.

"Savina, this is Detective Carisi, he'll be spending the night here until we can get a uniform out by the door," Amanda introduced, although the last part was a partial lie. They could've easily gotten a uni to cover the room, but once they knew who she was, they decided that until they can sort out the custody issue, one of them was going to be on guard. They weren't going to leave anything to chance.

"Did you get my text?" she asked coyly.

"Yeah," he replied, as he moved to shake Savina's offered hand. "Don't worry I got my laptop with me, I won't let you suffer through crappy late night TV," he quipped, winking jokingly at her, and she laughed softly, one hand moving to her side.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to cause you any pain," he quickly apologized, but she smiled reassuringly at him. "Trust me, it's never a bad thing when you make a girl laugh," she assured him.

"Well, I'll hold you to that. But I need to talk to these three for a minute, before the fun can officially begin," he said, before turning towards the three in question, and motioned with his head towards the door.

"We'll let you get some rest," Barba said softly, as he guided a distraught Olivia towards the door, returning Savina's smile.

Once they were all out of the room, Barba basically dragged Olivia into the nearby waiting area, where she basically collapsed onto the chair, burying her head in hands, as the tears finally came.

Thankfully they were the only ones there at that hour, and Carisi quickly closed the door behind them. "What do you mean she doesn't know?" he demanded.

"She believes she was abandoned on the steps of a church, and adamantly refused to let me tell her who her mother is," Amanda replied dejectedly.

"I can't blame her," Olivia murmured brokenly.

"She'll come around," Barba soothed, but she shook her head. "You don't know that," she retorted tearfully.

"But I think I know someone who does," he alluded, as he dug his phone out of his pocket, and quickly pulled up Eddie's number and dialed. Olivia looked at him questioningly, but before she could ask, Eddie answered.

"Hey Eddie, did you get home yet?" Barba asked, and relaxed ever so slightly at the answer he received. "I know that it's getting late, and you need to get home to your mom and son, but we need to talk to you about Savina. So is there a chance you can meet us at my place?" he said in one breathe, nodding his head as if Eddie could see him. "I'll send you the address," he said finally, before hanging up.

He quickly texted Eddie his address before he finally looked at the inquisitive faces around him. "He might be able to talk to her, or at least tell us how we can change her mind," he explained, and they nodded.

"Well, before you go," Carisi brought their attention back to him. "I went to the church, but couldn't speak to the nuns," he told them. "They're on a mission in Guatemala, and should be back in a couple of months. But since all I'm going on is first names, I need you to pick them out of a photo array," he continued, and Olivia furrowed her eyebrows.

"How on earth did you get their pictures?" she wondered.

"I saw that they have a youth program, so I checked their online page, and found pictures of the staff," he answered simply, and Amanda nodded her head.

"Nice work Carisi," she complimented, as he fished out his tablet, and handed it over to Olivia. She quickly looked through the pictures, before finally pointing to one of them. "That's them," she pointed to a picture with two nuns, one on each side of a teenage boy. Carisi stepped closer to her, and leaned in to take a better look at the picture. "Yeah, those two are leading the mission in Guatemala!" he said in frustration.

"What did you tell them at the church?" Amanda asked.

"That it was part of a larger investigation, and that we may need their help with a perp," he replied, and she nodded. "Alright, you go back to her, do not let it slip that she's Liv's. And I'll keep you posted." Amanda said firmly, and he nodded, before he headed back towards Savina's room.

"Why don't we go see what Eddie has to say about this?" Amanda suggested, and Olivia nodded.

* * *

Barba opened the door to his apartment, and the two women followed him in. Olivia knew that it was past Noah's bedtime, but she also knew that Lucia sometimes let him stay up. 'Spoiling him is part of an Abeulita's job description.' She often quipped when Barba protested to how much she spoiled Noah. She couldn't help but wonder if she would do the same with Savina. But despite the need she had to hold her child, she also found herself hoping that he was asleep. She desperately needed a drink, and she need to let it all out. They owed Lucia an explanation, and Eddie was on his way as well. So a toddler was not something she could deal with at the moment.

Thankfully, the apartment was quiet. A sure sign that Noah was sleeping, save for the sound of Lucia's heels as it clicked on the hardwood floor. She rounded the corner, a glass of wine in her hand, and a warm smile on her lips. A smile that vanished once she looked at Olivia – who looked like she was about to collapse right then and there – and her son, who seemed to be barely holding it together.

"Olivia?" she called questioningly, her tone betraying how worried she felt, but somehow still managed to sound soothing. She frowned when the only response she got from Olivia, was the fresh bout of tears that pooled into her eyes. She quickly used her free hand to gently pull Olivia into her, just as the doorbell rang.

Amanda, who was still idling by the door, yanked it open.

"Eddie?!" Lucia explained in surprise.

"Hello, Mrs. Barba," he greeted, as he walked into the apartment, one of his hands patting Barba on the shoulder gently.

"What's going on?" Lucia, now very much worried and on the verge of a panic attack, demanded.

"Why don't we all sit down?" Barba suggested, putting one of his hands on Olivia's back, and the other on his mother's arm, turning both women towards the living room. Olivia pulled back slightly from Lucia's embrace, but was grateful for the woman's comforting arm around her. They solemnly walked towards the designated room, and Olivia plopped into the nearest couch.

"Where's Noah?" she whispered.

"Fast asleep, he was exhausted," Lucia quickly replied. "Now, can someone please tell me what's going on?" she demanded once more.

"You said this was about Savina," Eddie started, his anxiety was getting the better of him. They all looked very grim, and he didn't like the feeling he had in the pit of his stomach.

"Who's Savina?" Lucia asked.

"The case I called in Liv for," Amanda replied, and Lucia turned to look at Eddie. "You know her?"

"Yeah, she lives with a foster family a couple of blocks away from me, and she teaches Danny swimming and archery," he explained hastily.

"That doesn't explain why you three look like this," Lucia, now losing her patience, almost snapped.

"She's mine!" Olivia's voice was barely audible as she whispered the declaration, the tears now making their way down her cheeks.

Lucia and Eddie both gaped at her, not entirely sure that they heard her correctly.

"What are you talking about?" Eddie whispered, but Olivia was too tired of retelling the story once more. She was grateful when Amanda narrated it quickly, not even stopping when the doorbell rang once more. Barba opened the door to reveal Fin, a very exhausted looking one at that too.

"Does she know?" Eddie wondered, once Amanda was done with the story.

"No," Amanda said regretfully. "She wouldn't let us tell her."

"Yeah, I got your message," Fin pipped up from the door. "What happened?" he asked.

"She believes she was abandoned on the steps of a church, and is adamantly refusing to know the woman who did this to her," Olivia exclaimed brokenly, her voice cracking, as fresh tears made their way down her cheeks. "She probably thinks I'm a hooker or something," she chuckled bitterly.

"No, she knows you're not," Eddie interjected, and Olivia's head snapped towards him.

"What you talking about?" Fin asked, bewildered.

"A few months ago, Diana managed to convince her to go digging into her past. She talked to the nuns at the church, and they were the ones who told her the abandonment story. The Matthews never told her the story, neither did her grandmother. They simply told her that the nuns at the church were the ones who gave her to them. So she knew where to start," he started.

"So how come she knows I'm not a hooker?" Olivia demanded angrily. Though Eddie knew that her anger was not directed at him, but rather the unfortunate situation.

"Because one of the nuns told her that she took her to a hospital to get her checked out," he continued. "And they talked to the nurse, who told her she didn't really buy the abandonment story," he recounted, and Olivia's eyes widened.

Lucia, who was perched on the coffee table in front of Olivia, one hand softly rubbing Olivia's to soothe her, turned to gape at Eddie. "Why?" she asked.

"The nurse said that Savina was too healthy; she tipped the scale at eight pounds, she showed no signs of malnourishment, no signs of withdrawal, no fetal alcohol syndrome, nothing. She was a perfectly healthy baby," he listed, and Olivia couldn't help the smile.

"Not to mention that it was pouring rain that night, and the sheet she was wrapped in, despite being drenched in blood, was not wet," he added.

"So she knows she wasn't abandoned?" Fin sought confirmation.

"Well, not in the way the nuns told her," Eddie hesitated slightly, looking over at a distraught Olivia, very much pained by what all of this was doing to her.

Lucia was quickly losing her patience, she could feel Olivia's body shaking, and as a mother, she could only imagine what this was doing to her. "So why on earth wouldn't she want to find out who her mother is?" she inquired.

"Savina has a tendency to catastrophize, so when she heard all of this, she figured that she was just an unwanted baby," he replied, his voice a tad over a whisper, and the apologetic tone was not lost on anyone in the room.

"I can't really blame her," Olivia remarked dejectedly. "And I'm not sure finding out the truth will change her mind all that much," she continued tearfully, and Barba's eyes cut to her. He knelt by her side, and put one of his hands on her shoulder, the other gently cupping her chin, and guiding her face so she would look at him.

"Liv, you can't think like that. She's not abandoned, she's not unwanted. I know you wanted her, you mourned her for years. You were still mourning her until you learned the truth," he retorted softly, but she continued to shake her head.

"I brought this on her!" she exclaimed angrily. "And do you know what my first thought was after the initial shock subsided?" she asked, and he shook his head. "I was relieved that she didn't grow up with me," she cried in pain, and everyone in the room – save Lucia – gaped in shock at her.

"Because you thought if she had grown up with you, she would've been in the apartment when Lewis attacked," Lucia uttered softly, and Olivia merely looked at her, as more tears made their way down her cheek. Lucia now abandoned her seat on the table, and crouched down in front of her. "That doesn't mean you didn't want her, that doesn't mean it hurt you any less when you thought you lost her, and it sure as hell doesn't mean that any of this is your fault," Lucia counted off adamantly. "It simply means that you know firsthand what that bastard is capable of, and you know that if she had fallen in his hands, that she may have not survived," she finished forcefully, but her voice had miraculously stayed both firm, and gentle.

"But she still fell victim to his games," Olivia countered tearfully.

Amanda was the one who jumped in this time, "Liv, Lewis did not do this. It's not your fault that the bitch had a thing for him," she said firmly.

"She told her that this was all on me," Olivia reminded her, her voice a near growl at this point.

"Liv, she fell in love with a rapist, and a murderer, I wouldn't put too much value into what she said," Fin pipped up, as he now made his way behind Lucia.

A humorless chuckle, or more of a pained sound, left Olivia's lips, as she ran her hands through her hair in frustration. "I lied, okay?" she exclaimed angrily. "I perjured myself." She added, springing to her feet and walking away from the dumbstruck crowd.

"What are you talking about?" Lucia wondered, and Olivia whipped around angrily.

"Lewis was handcuffed to the bed when I beat him up," she confessed.

"We know!" Fin deadpanned, and she cut her eyes to him. "I've known you for fifteen years, Liv, you don't think I know when you're lying?" he asked.

"You did what you had to do to save your life," Amanda added.

"And now my daughter is paying the price," she whispered tearfully.

"Olivia, this is not on you," Barba tried to sooth her once more.

"It's not?" she scoffed. "I picked up an iron bar, and beat a man within an inch of his life while he was handcuffed to the bed," she all but yelled.

"And if you hadn't done that, then we would be telling Savina about her late mother!" Eddie now cut in.

"Olivia, none of us will look at you differently because you beat him up. He deserved every single blow, and then some," Lucia cut to the chase. "The one thing I would've done differently, is maybe put a bullet through his skull," she hissed angrily. "He had you for four days, he drugged you, tortured you. He didn't give you any food or water, just vodka," Lucia listed, her stomach twisting with every word she said, and every flinch on Olivia's face, but she kept going. Because despite the pain she saw in her eyes, she also saw conviction. "This doesn't mean you're anything like him, or that forewoman, it just means you're human." She finished softly.

"And if anyone can understand the state of mind you were in at the time, it's her!" Barba added.

"Liv, she told you herself that she doesn't agree with what Freed said, that this was solely on her. She doesn't hold anything against you," Amanda recalled Savina's words to Olivia that morning, and hoped that the distraught mother can find some form of comfort in them.

"And if you think she'll change her mind about that once she finds out that you beat him up, or that you lied about it, you're wrong," Eddie stated.

"How about when she finds out that I'm her mother? That instead of protecting her, I caused her all this pain?" she snapped.

"You didn't cause any of this," Amanda cried in frustration, but Olivia scoffed in disbelief.

"I took the stand and lied about how he got those injuries. She got up in front of the judge, and said that she had concerns regarding my behavior," she barked.

"And Amanda was the one who arrested him, and the five other states messed things up. And the lab techs contaminated the DNA, and the judge in her infinite wisdom declared a mistrial," Fin listed calmly, and Olivia's eyes snapped to him, and she stared at him in shock. He closed the distance between them, and took her hands into his.

"We can do this all day, try to find the one person to put all this blame on, when they are right in front of us.  _Lewis_  was the one who kidnapped and tortured all those women, and Freed was the one who decided to fall for a psychopath and kidnap Savina. None of is falls on you anymore than it falls on any of us," he said calmly, his voice surprisingly leveled and firm.

"The only way you'll let this asshole win, is by letting the guilt eat you up, and have it ruin your second chance with your daughter," Lucia interjected calmly, as she now cupped Olivia's face gently.

They were all standing still around the living room, Barba was still standing next to the couch Olivia occupied minutes ago, with Eddie perched on the table, and Amanda standing between them, and the other three. They all watched Olivia closely, her eyes moving between Fin's and Lucia's, and briefly flickering towards them as well. She was searching for pity, for deception, for any signs that they were merely saying this for her sake. But she found none, all she found was sincerity. Lucia was right, none of them looked at her differently now that they know the truth. Or more like, now that they heard it straight from the horse's mouth, since apparently they all knew it, and just ignored the fact.

She finally nodded, a small gleam of conviction shinning in her eyes, and they decided to count that as a victory. They knew that those emotions won't just go away overnight, that they will take time, but they needed at least a small part of her to believe in it.

Barba, an emotionally spent one, turned to Eddie. "Any ideas how we can tell her about Olivia?" he asked.

"Well, she's stubborn. But I think I'll be able to talk to her. I'll meet you guys at the hospital tomorrow, and I'll see what I can do," he replied, and Barba nodded.

"Thanks Eddie," he said gratefully.

"No need, I couldn't think of better parents for her," he said sincerely, as he gave Barba's shoulder a gentle squeeze, before he said his goodnights and took his leave.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Amanda reverted to her Sargent's mode, and turned to Fin. "What did you find?" she asked.

"CSU are still processing the place, but we did find the pill she spit out," he informed them. "I left them when I got the call that the Solearno's were picked up at the airport," he added. "I had them transferred to the tombs."

"Thank you," Olivia thanked him softly, and he looked square in the eye. "You don't have to thank me for anything, Liv. This is personal for me too," he told her gently, and she nodded.

"How are we gonna explain all the OT people are putting in?" She asked.

"The lab techs don't know she's yours yet, they just know about the Lewis angle, and that's enough for them. Should be for 1PP as well," he said.

"We need to tell Dodds and IAB about this," Amanda pointed out. "Not to mention the DA," she added.

"All of those can wait till we tell Savina," Lucia stated firmly.

"We'll let you guys get some rest, and I'll keep you posted of any developments," Amanda said, smiling reassuringly at Olivia, before she moved her eyes to Lucia. "Mrs. Barba do you need a ride?" she offered, and the older woman nodded gratefully.

"Yeah, if it's not too much of a burden," she said, and Fin cut her off. "Of course not. Shall we?" he said, as he extended his arm for the older woman to take. She smiled gratefully at him, especially when she saw the small smile creeping on to Olivia's tear-streaked face.

"Mom, we need you to watch Noah tomorrow too," Barba said, as Lucia grabbed her coat.

"I have something to do at work, I should be done by 11, so how about I pick him at the hospital?" she suggested, and he nodded. He smiled warmly at her when she leaned in to kiss his cheek, before he bid them all goodnight. He turned back towards Olivia, and knew that, for them, this night was far from over.

 


	8. Chapter 8

The second Olivia heard the door click shut, her shoulders started to shake, the tears once again streaming down her cheeks, one hand pressed to her mouth to stifle the sobs that were wracking her body. Barba crossed the living room and engulfed her in his embrace. She buried her head into his shoulder, her hands fisting around the front of his coat, her entire body shaking. He didn't try to sooth her, didn't try to assure her, didn't even try to think of something to say. He merely wrapped his arms around her, his mouth pressed to the side of her head, his lips buried in her hair, where he murmured kisses as the muffled cries turned into gut wrenching wails.

She didn't know when they had made it to the bed, or how Barba had managed to not only rid her of her coat and shoes, but to also strip down to his undershirt and dress pants, and she didn't care. She had fistfuls of his undershirt in her balled up fists – which had mascara and eyeliner stains from the puddle of tears – as her head rested on his chest. Her sobs had quieted down to the occasional sniffle or whimper, his arms tightening around her with each one, the hand that had found its way into her hair hadn't stopped running through the silky locks. She didn't know how long it had been since she stood huddled up against his chest in the living room, nor how long they lay in bed like that. Her mind couldn't help but wander back to all the other nights she spent alone in the dark, crying her eyes out as sobs wracked her body. She had started to believe that this wasn't in the books for her, that she was never going to find love. The thought made her press her body even closer to his, her fists balling up even tighter around his shirt, as she moved her head to rest in the crook of his neck. He seemed to know what was going through her head, if the 'Shh, I'm here,' that was whispered lovingly into her hair was any indication.

There were a thousand thoughts running through her head, a thousand scenarios, a thousand regrets, and a thousand memories. She went back to that rainy, stormy day. She remembered how she had been complaining about her bulging tummy, saying that she can't wait for that part to be over, so in the very least, she can change positions in bed without having to wake up. She remembered the grocery store cashier clerk as she smirked, saying that it was cute that she actually thought she was going to be getting any sleep once the little one was born. She remembered the pain that shot through her as she left the store, which she thought was her body's way of telling her to take it easy. She remembered how she crooned softly to the baby, placing one hand over where she felt her move. She told her how much she loved her, how she couldn't wait to meet her. That her room was almost ready, but that Olivia doubted she would be using it much, since she wasn't sure she'd be able to stay away from her. She told her about the new job at SVU, how excited she was about it. She remembered the storm as it gained momentum, and how the only building around was the small church. The pain was too much by this point, and she was getting really nervous. She had been having Braxton-Hicks lately, but never like this. She pushed the door open, and scurried inside, barely making it to the last bench, before she collapsed onto it. A nun spotted her, and made her way over to her. Asked her if she needed anything, and that's when Olivia grunted out the need to call an ambulance because something was wrong with her baby. She remembered the panic that laced through her as the nun informed her that the phone lines were down thanks to the storm, and the almost primal scream that escaped her as the next contraction – as she now knows – hit her. Everything after that happened too fast, and not fast enough at the same time. Her water broke, the nun told her the baby was coming, the panic and fear set in, the pain kept getting worse…..and then it was over. She got her wish, that part was over. Except there was no happily gurgling infant in her arms, nothing soothed the emptiness she suddenly felt. There was no toddling toddler ransacking her place, no worrying about where she was going to leave her little girl during all those all-nighters she pulled at SVU. People thought she was dedicated, addicted even, and in a way she was. But it's not like she had anything to go home to, on the contrary, she had every reason to avoid going home. All she had was the darkness, and the eerie silence. Both a cruel reminder of the life she lost. It had taken her weeks to get rid of all the baby stuff she had bought. Her mother told her to return them, but she couldn't bring herself to go to those stores, so she just donated them.

She remembered how the pain came back every year like clockwork, how she would ball up on her bed and cry until she had no more tears to shed. All the small toys she bought so she could place them at the marble gravestone. How the nuns told her that time heals all wounds, and that the pain shall become less with time. They lied. She had merely learned to live with it. Every time she handled an abused child case, it hurt. Every time she stumbled upon an unwanted child, it hurt. All those pedophiles she put away, kiddy porn makers, she did for her. She had spent hours each birthday talking to the grave. But it had all been for nothing.

She snuggled even further into Barba's chest. "She hates me," she mumbled brokenly. His arms tightened around her, as he rolled onto his side, so he can face her. She reluctantly lifted her head off his chest, and met his eyes. The hand that was carded in her hair, was now trapped under her head, while the one the held her cupped her cheek. "No, she doesn't," he assured her. "She's angry, she went through a lot. But the story that she knows is not the right story, and I know that once she finds out the truth, she'll change her mind."

"I held the baby for hours," she sobbed. "Begged her to open her eyes, prayed to anyone who was listening to bring her back," she hiccupped through her tears. "Why would they do this?" she asked, pleading with him to give her an answer, one that he simply did not possess.

"We'll get them, I promise." He vowed, shifting his head slightly so he can press a soft kiss to her forehead. She burrowed into him once more, her head nestling into the crook of his neck, as she finally let the exhaustion of the day send her into a restless sleep.

_She had grocery bags in her arms, as she made her way down the hall towards her apartment. She maneuvered them so she can open the door, and hurriedly entered the apartment. It was dark, save for the light in her kitchen. She dropped the bags onto the counter, normally she wouldn't have so many grocery bags, but she had to pick up a few extra ingredients, so she can make her her favorite dish. She was about to call out to her, when she heard the floor boards creaking. She slowly walked into her living room, and came face to face with Lewis, gun drawn, and aiming straight at her head. He had that sickening smile on his face, his voice sickly sweet as he welcomed her home. She froze, her eyes staring at him, waiting for him to grab her. But to her surprise, he merely started to back away, his hand finding the light switch and flickering it on. Her heart sank when she saw what was behind him, or rather who was behind him. He had an arm around her now, his face pressing close to hers, as he pointed the gun at her head. A bloody, and tied up Savina sat in a chair, looking desperately at her, as Lewis ran a hand down the side of her body, and towards her thighs._

She bolted upright in bed, a thin layer of sweat covering her face and neck, her chest heaving as she tried to get her breathing under control. She felt Barba shift next to her, and heard the sound of the light switch, as the lamp bathed the room in its dim glow. He put a hand on her shoulder, and she turned to look at him with tear-filled eyes. He knew she was going to dream about Lewis, but he did not expect the words that left her lips.

"He had her," she almost gasped, and he shook his head, shifting his body, so that he was partially facing her, as he took her face into his hands. "She was safe from him, she was never in his hands," he reminded her. He saw her hand snake under her shirt, frantically looking for the scar on her side, a scar that at the moment brought comfort rather than pain. It proved to her still fogged brain that Savina truly never endured anything at Lewis's hands, that she was the one who spent four days with him.

She let him gently guide her as she lay once more on her back, before he gently settled against the pillows himself. She curled up against his chest, her face once again buried in his broad shoulders, as he gently lulled her back to sleep. But this time, her dreams had a warmly smiling Savina lying in bed with her all day as she recovered from what Lewis did to her; her arms around her broken body at the hospital; the relief in her eyes when she sent unis to pick her up when Lewis escaped. She dreamt of the life they should've had; bringing her home for the first time, her first steps, the countless nights she was sure to spend with her in the crib at the precinct.

She woke up the next day to a grey sky, and an empty pillow. The clock read nine, and the air smelled faintly of coffee. She knew that Noah rarely slept till now, unless he had stayed up later than usual the night before, which she doubted he did after the day he had, so she was sure that once again, Barba had taken care of him, so he would let her get some rest. She gingerly climbed out of bed, and made her way towards the kitchen, where once more she could hear them both. But unlike yesterday, there was no giggling and laughter. There was Noah's babbling, and Barba's pain filled voice. It surprised her what a difference one day can make.

She found Noah sitting in his highchair, eating whatever breakfast Barba had placed in front of him, happily gurgling to himself, with Barba leaned against the counter, a large coffee mug in his hand, the other holding the phone to his ear. He smiled softly at her, extending the hand that held the coffee towards her, and she gratefully took it. Noah immediately reached for her, and after taking a big sip from her coffee, she obliged his request, and plucked him out of the chair. She needed to feel his embrace, she needed the assurance that at least one baby was not taken away from her. The clueless toddler merely wrapped his arms around her neck, as his head rested in the crook of her neck. She peppered light kisses into his hair, as she whispered lovingly to him.

"Olivia just woke up, so we should be there in an hour. I tried Carisi but I guess he's still asleep," he said into the phone, nodded once, and then said ended the call.

"That was Fin; lab found Savina's blood, saliva, fingerprints…." He trailed off, not entirely sure how to finish his sentence. Olivia seemingly catching on to the logical continuation, swallowed the growing lump in her throat, and saved him. "And body fluids," she whispered, and he nodded sadly.

"They also found another set of fingerprints, but until we can find Ms. Freed, we have nothing to compare them to," he informed her, and she solemnly nodded.

"Your mom is gonna meet us there?" she asked, and he nodded.

"Lucy called this morning, said that she was back, and is up for taking Noah off our hands if we wanted to take the day off, so I told her to come pick him up from the hospital, that way Mom can spend the day with Savina if we manage to tell her who you are," he explained.

"Thanks, Rafi. I don't know what I would've done without you," she said sincerely, and he smiled shyly – but sadly – at her.

"You never have to worry about that again," he assured her, as he pulled both her and Noah into him.

 


	9. Chapter 9

The ride up the elevator was getting to be something of a routine, almost a cliché by then, each time seemingly heavier than the last. She had Noah in her arms, the toddler was clinging to her, seemingly knowing that something was upsetting his mother, and refused to be put down, or taken by Barba. And Olivia was grateful for that, she needed him, she needed the comfort, the unconditional love. Her head rested on top of Noah's, her hand holding Barba's tightly, as she dazedly watched the numbers glow with each floor. Once it finally reached their floor, they all walked off the floors, and made their way down the hall.

"Did you call Eddie?" she asked, her voice hoarse, and haunted, and it broke his heart. She hardly showed vulnerability, except with him, but usually not in public.

"Yeah, he'll be here soon," he said softly, as they turned into the hallway that led to Savina's room. They found Carisi standing outside the room, with his phone pressed to his ear. He looked absolutely exhausted, probably didn't get much sleep, and Olivia felt slightly guilty for dumping this on him. She had every intention of spending the night with Savina, but then she refused to let them tell her the truth. And she was sure that Savina's night was restless, she was sure the nightmares were hard to get rid of. The images that flooded her mind, the reminders of those dreadful four days. She knew that they all came back to her during the night, and it also explained why Carisi looked quite exhausted.

Olivia's eyes darted towards the glass, she was surprised to find the blinds wide open, with a peacefully sleeping Savina inside. They had reached the room, just as Carisi ended his call.

"Hey," he greeted, as he rubbed his eyes, his voice betraying just how exhausted he was.

"Isi!" Noah exclaimed excitedly, leaving the warmth of his mother's embrace for the first time this morning, and reaching for the youngest member of SVU.

Carisi flashed him an exhausted, yet genuine smile, as he complied, and plucked him out of Olivia's arms. "Hey, sport!" he greeted.

"Rough night?" Barba asked sympathetically.

"Yeah," he replied, stepping to the side, as Olivia gently opened the door and stepped inside. The rest of his sentence fell on deaf ears, as her eyes landed on Savina's sleeping form. She surprisingly looked peaceful, her right hand rested on a pillow, no doubt to ease the pain in her ribs. She was still slightly pale, her chest rising and falling softly. She wanted to take her in her arms, take in her smell, run her fingers through her hair. She wanted her baby. She knew all too well what she was going through, the nightmares that were surely plaguing her sleep, the pain she felt, the anger…..she wanted to take it all away.

She heard the soft click of the door from behind her, and felt Barba's hand on her shoulder, squeezing it softly as he pressed a kiss to her temple. "Amanda is sending a uni to sit outside, and Carisi will keep working her case," he whispered into her ear, and she nodded.

She heard Carisi whispering to Noah, as he closed the door behind him. She heard him move, and reluctantly lifted her head to look at him when she heard him call her name. She furrowed her eyes at the way Noah was eyeing Savina, but focused on Carisi's hushed voice. "Lieutenant, you said you had the birth and death certificates," he whispered, and she nodded.

Carisi opened his mouth to fire off another question, when Noah's eyes suddenly lit up, and his delighted squeal cut him off.

"Sassy!" the joy in his voice surprised Olivia, especially when he lunged from Carisi's arms, and tried to wiggle out to get to Savina.

"Noah!" Savina's surprised voice came from behind her. She turned towards her, and saw her wincing in pain, as she tried to sit up. She immediately rushed to her aid, and helped her sit up slightly. Noah, who was now frustrated with Carisi for refusing to let him go, looked at her pleadingly. "Sassy?" he said sadly.

"It's okay," she assured Carisi, who just let him slide out of his arms and onto the bed. To all of their surprise, Noah scurried towards Savina. Knees and hands poking into her already injured body, and Olivia was impressed that she managed to keep the warm smile on her face, and the pain she was surely feeling at bay. Noah flung himself at her, grinning broadly at her as she wrapped her arms around him, maneuvering him in her lap so she was comfortable. She mirrored his grin with a genuine one of her own, as he pressed his forehead against hers, one hand on each side of her face.

"Sassy!" he squealed happily.

"You two know each other?" Barba quipped, being the first to regain the ability to talk, and the amusement in his voice took any edge out of the situation.

"Yeah, we met in the skating rink," Savina answered, momentarily stopping rubbing her nose against Noah's.

"That was you?" Olivia whispered in disbelief. She remembered the story Lucy told her when she came home that day. She told her that Noah was reluctant to get on the ice, even in her arms, but had apparently taken a liking to a teenage girl, and spent the entire day skating with her. Olivia could not believe that it was her own daughter all along. It eased her mind about how Noah was going to feel about Savina suddenly appearing in his life, and she smiled wistfully at the image of Savina playing with Noah on the floor.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Noah's squeal as Savina tickled him mercilessly, laughing softly with him. She suddenly winced in pain, when Noah accidently kneed her in the ribs as he wiggled in her arms. Noah froze, and looked apologetically at her.

"Owy?" he asked, and she smiled reassuringly at him. "Yeah, baby, kinda."

"Sassy," he mumbled apologetically, and she pulled him into her, kissing the top of his head when he snuggled into her good side. "It's okay, sweetie," she whispered reassuringly into his hair, smiling at him when he looked up at her.

"Sassy?!" Carisi finally found his voice, and out of the entire situation,in a typical Carisi way,  _that_  is what had caught his attention.

Savina chuckled, her hand moving to her side, as she explained. "He can't get the 'v' sound in my name, so he kept calling me Ina all day, but then he heard one of my friends calling me Savvy, so it became Sassy!"

"Or the kid knows what he's talking about!" Eddie quipped from behind Olivia and Barba, and they both turned at the sound of his voice.

"Who invited you into the conversation?" Savina grumbled, making him chuckle and shake his head as he closed the door. "Like I said, he knows what he's talking about," he repeated lovingly.

Olivia and Barba moved to make room for him, and he dangled a plastic bag in front of her. "Special request, prepared by Mrs. Garcia herself," he told her, but to his surprise, she scrunched her nose.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea," she said, and he looked questioningly at her. "I threw everything I ate last night right back up," she added.

"You need to eat," Eddie reminded her gently.

"What's the point of eating if I'm gonna hurl it an hour later?" she argued. "And besides, throwing up when you have broken ribs is not exactly fun," she lamented.

Carisi, noticing the rising panic on his Lieutenant's face, jumped in. "I called for a nurse once she was done, and she checked her. She didn't crack the ribs, and everything seemed to be fine."

"Yeah, thank you for that. I'm sure holding my hair back as I threw up is not part of your job description," she said sincerely.

"I have three sisters, so I'm used to this part of the fun," he joked, winking at her, and she smiled genuinely at him.

Olivia was glad that Carisi was the one to spend the night with her, he was closer to her in age, had three sisters, and out of all of them, the only one who seemed to have a normal childhood and came from a stable background. And the fact that he didn't know the details about Lewis, or this case, meant that he treated her normally. He didn't tiptoe around her, he didn't patronize her, and wasn't awkward around her. He managed to keep his spirit, and it seemed to be helping her, and for that, Olivia will be eternally grateful.

Just then, Barba's phone buzzed, and he excused himself to take the call. Carisi took the opportunity to tell Olivia something that he didn't get a chance to when she came in. "Amanda is sending a uni to stay outside for the day, he should be here within the hour."

Before Savina could object, Barba came back in. "Lucy's downstairs," he told Olivia.

"Well, I need to go run down a few leads, so how about I take this little guy and give him to Lucy?" Carisi suggested, as he now made his way to where Noah was still snuggled up against Savina. Olivia nodded thankfully at him, "thanks, Carisi."

"No problem," he said, before turning his attention once more to Noah. "Hey sport, how about you and I go see what Lucy is up to today?" he cooed, and Noah nodded. The toddler turned around, and planted a sloppy kiss on Savina's cheek, and she planted a smacking one on his, before Carisi finally plucked him out of her arms.

"Lieutenant, can I talk to you outside for a minute?" he wondered, and she wordlessly followed him outside.

"Hey, I was thinking. The nuns are probably gonna claim that they were acting based on your wishes," he started, and saw her open her mouth to object. "I'm not saying they did, I'm just saying that it's a possible defense. So I was thinking if you maybe have any old receipts, or something that proves that you bought baby stuff for her," he said, and she shook her head.

"That was seventeen years ago," she whispered dejectedly.

"Did you pay with a credit card?" he asked, and this time, she thankfully nodded. "It's the same company I use now, but I doubt they keep records that far back," she argued.

"It's worth a shot, I'm gonna go work that angle, and see what I can find. I just need the birth and death certificates," he shot back gently, his free hand squeezing her forearm reassuringly. She smiled appreciatively at him. He had only been with them for a year, and here he was putting his heart and soul in this no less than anybody else on the team. She handed him the papers he asked for, and he looked them over, before looking back at her once more.

"Good luck," he said after a moment, and she nodded, before she leaned in to kiss Noah. She watched them walk away, and when they turned the corner, she took a deep breath, and re-entered the room.

She saw Savina scrunching her nose, and placing a hand over her mouth, while Eddie pulled a container away from her. She realized that they must've tried to convince her to eat, but seeing as the mere smell made her nauseous, that idea went out the window. She saw the file that had started all of this on the small table by the bed, and realized that Eddie was about to bring up the maternity issue. She made her way towards Barba, who was standing at the foot of the bed, and stood next to him.

"Cariño, I need to talk to you," Eddie started, once he settled back in his place next to Savina on the bed.

"Sure, what's up?"

"It's about your mom," Eddie hesitated slightly, and Savina's previously cheerful demeanor vanished.

"She's dead, Eddie," she all but hissed.

"Fine, your biological mother," Eddie conceded, and she rolled her eyes.

"They told you, didn't they?" she asked, and when all he did was look at her, she continued. "I  _really_  don't wanna talk about this!" she grumbled.

"Why?" he asked. "You and I both know the story the nuns told you wasn't true," he argued, and she scoffed.

"Great! So I wasn't abandoned on the stairs, but that doesn't make me any less unwanted by her. So why bother?!" she exclaimed in frustration, and almost angrily.

"Why do you always think the sky is falling?" he shot back, and he finally saw emotions in her eyes. The pain and anger were too much to hold back, and he saw the tears prick her eyes, but she was too stubborn to let them fall.

"Because it usually is with me!" she retorted, her voice rising a bit. "I know they found a DNA match, and with my luck she's gonna be a criminal!" she added, and he sighed sadly. He knew that Savina didn't mean to be particularly cruel, that she was angry at the whole situation, but judging by how Olivia was the previous night, he was sure none of this was easy on her.

"A DNA match doesn't necessarily mean criminal, it could also be law enforcement," Eddie alluded.

She snorted. "Oh so instead of a cold hearted criminal, she was a teenager at the time, or simply didn't want the baby, and didn't want to leave a paper trail, so she dumped me at the church," she scoffed. "Although I guess I should give her credit for not throwing me into the nearest dumpster!" she seethed, her voice catching slightly at the end.

That was it, that was Olivia could take. She couldn't hold back any longer, she couldn't let her think that way. It was one thing when she thought she was a hooker or a criminal, but it was another to let her believe that she just threw her away. And before she knew it, before Barba had the presence of mind to stop her, the words escaped her mouth, and she didn't even realize it till Savina's shocked eyes cut to her broken ones.

"That's not what happened!" she whispered brokenly.

They held each other's gazes, shocked molten brown, clashing with a broken identical set. Olivia's tears were now running down her cheeks, as she finally let it all show. Savina was the first to find her voice. "What are you talking about?" she mumbled.

Olivia moved closer to the bed, sitting in the same spot she occupied the night before. For a second she looked like she was going to take her hand into her own, but the disbelief in Savina's eyes made her think better of it.

"I fainted after giving birth, and when I woke up they handed me a dead baby," she whispered tearfully, and Savina continued to look at her, her own tears now spilling out one by one.

"You're saying that I'm….." she trailed off, her voice barely audible by the last word. Her eyes left Olivia's for the first time when Eddie placed the now open file in her lap.

"You're mine," Olivia finished for her, a sudden wave of relief washing over her as the words finally left her mouth.

Savina stared at the paper for a few ridiculously long moments, before she finally looked up at Olivia once more. "You gave me up?" she accused, though her voice had lost its edge. It was no longer angry, just hurt.

Olivia adamantly shook her head, instinctively grasping her hand, pleased when she didn't yank it away. "No, I didn't. I wanted you, I never wanted to give you away. I thought you were dead."

"Then why was I born in a church, and not a hospital?" she asked.

"You were two weeks early, I was out running errands, and a storm hit. The closest building was the church, and that's where my water broke. The phone lines were down, so we couldn't call for an ambulance," she explained hastily.

"And what? You forgot to mention it to the nuns that you no longer wanted to get rid of me?" the anger was coming back.

"I never told them I wanted to get rid of you. I never even set foot in this place until that night," she pleaded with her to believe her, but Savina shook her head.

"Then how come Mom knew about me  _months_  before I was even born?" she argued angrily, and Olivia gaped at her.

"What are you talking about?" Barba now intervened.

She raised her eyes to meet his before she spoke. "My mom told me that she spent years praying for a baby, and then one day after Mass, a nun told her that she will get a little girl, but she will have to be patient for a couple more months before she arrives," she recounted, her eyes finding Olivia once more. And to Olivia's surprise, all she saw was a desperate need to understand, as she choked out the next question.

"So why on earth would they tell her that if you never set a foot there and told them to find a home for the baby?"

"The dead baby!" Eddie cut in, and she looked in confusion at him. "Excuse me?!"

"They must've meant the dead baby they gave Olivia. That was the baby your mom was waiting for; but when she was born dead, they took you instead," Eddie theorized.

"Why?" Olivia wondered, her voice betraying just how much this was hurting her, and for the first time, she finally saw sympathy in Savina's eyes, and felt her squeeze her hand gently.

"That's a question for them!" Barba nearly growled. Eddie's theory was starting to grow on him. It made sense.

Before anyone could say anything else, the door to Savina's room burst open, and a hysterical teenage girl with chestnut hair barreled through.

"Di!" Savina exclaimed in surprise.

"Oh my God!" Diana whispered in shock.

Eddie got up from his place on the bed, making room for Diana, who hesitantly stepped towards Savina.

"What the hell happened to you?" she asked in shock.

"Hell seems an appropriate word to describe it," Savina joked weakly. Diana just kept staring at her, so she gingerly lifted her hand, which Diana immediately took, as she slowly lowered herself on the bed.

"I'm fine," she lied to soothe her friend, but Diana still didn't seem convinced. "Then why the hell is the Solearno's apartment swarming with cops?" she deadpanned.

Savina took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, before she gave Diana the Cliff Note's version of the events. She skipped past the details of those four days, but could see it in Diana's eyes that she knew it was bad.

Just then, Eddie's phone rang, and a woman stood in the door that was left open by Diana.

"Savina, this is my mother, Lucia," Barba introduced, as the older woman made her way into the room.

"Hi," Savina greeted softly, the tear tracks still very much evident, as she once again raised her hand to shake Lucia's, wincing in pain as she did so.

"You broke your ribs again?" Diana asked, and she nodded. "And they found the ones that you made," she teased, hoping to lighten the mood, and Diana gave her half a smile.

"Savina, I have to go home for a little while, but I promise I'll be back soon," he almost ranted urgently, and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"What's wrong Eddie?" she demanded, and he shook his head dismissively, as he bent down to kiss her forehead once more.

"Danny might be coming down with something, so I'll just go check on him, then I'll come back," he promised her.

Diana interjected. "Eddie, you don't have to come back, I got her. Stay with Danny."

Eddie looked like he was about to object, when Savina cut him off. "Eddie, she's right. He needs you more than I do, and I think in light of the new situation, you don't have to worry about me as much anymore," she coyly alluded, and he smiled at her. Maybe this meant she was finally believing what Olivia told her.

Diana, who was very confused by the statement, looked incredulously at her. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't the new situation make us all worry about you even more?" she inquired bluntly, and Savina chuckled.

"Di, this is Lieutenant Olivia Benson, head of Manhattan's SVU," she introduced, her eyes now finding Olivia's once more, and to Olivia's pleasant surprise, they were no longer angry.

Diana looked over at Olivia, her eyebrows furrowing at the clear resemblance between Savina and Olivia, just as Savina's voice came. "She also happens to be my mother!"

Diana's head snapped towards her, and she gaped at her. "She's your what now?"

"Mother!"

"I…..I'm….." she stuttered, her eyes moving between Olivia and Savina, not entirely sure how to finish her sentence.

"Confused!" Savina offered, and Diana robotically nodded.

Savina chuckled. "That makes two of us!"

Just then, the door opened once more, and Dr. Thompson stepped inside. His eyes took in the people standing in the room, before they finally found Savina.

"Full house!" he commented, as he stepped closer to the bed, smiling appreciatively at Diana as she got up to make room for him.

"How are you this morning?" he asked, and she shrugged. "The nurse told me you threw up last night, and apparently still haven't eaten anything else since," he told her, and she nodded.

"Yeah, I tried about half an hour ago to eat, but the mere smell made me nauseous," she informed him, and he nodded at her, his eyes cutting to the monitor when he heard it beep. He frowned at it, and then looked back at Savina. "Are you feeling alright? Your blood pressure is a bit high," he asked.

"The headache is a bit worse, that's all," she replied.

"Well, between the concussion and the hang over, it's only normal," he stated, as he flashed the light once more in her eyes.

"Then why are you using that thing again?" she grumbled.

"Because I don't want you going into a coma!" he deadpanned.

"That sounds wonderful right about now!" she joked, though her voice seemed weaker than it had been mere seconds ago.

"Ignore her!" Diana hissed from behind him, but he was frowning at Savina, whose eyes suddenly seemed out of focus.

"Savina," he called gently, but the only response he got was the uninterrupted sound coming from the monitor. That God awful sound it made when there was no heartbeat.


	10. Chapter 10

It was all happening too quickly, and in slow motion at the same time. That treacherous sound filled the room, mixed in with Dr. Thompson's panicked voice as he barked out orders, and Diana's scream. She felt an arm snake around her waist, and yank her back. She didn't resist, she went willingly with him, and stood in the back of the room, in his arms, and watched in horror as Dr. Thompson and the nurses tried to get that sound to stop. She heard Barba's voice as he basically bit the nurse's head off when she suggested they wait outside.

Dr. Thompson had both hands pressed into Savina's chest, pushing down, as a nurse placed a mask over her mouth and nose.

"Savina, stay with me!" he yelled.

Her vision suddenly became blurry, and for a moment she thought that her heart was about to stop as well. But then she heard someone's voice whimpering 'no' repeatedly. But it wasn't until she felt Barba press his lips to her temple as he tried to soothe her did she realize that it was actually her own voice. A scream tore through the room, and her head snapped to her left, where she saw a frantic Diana struggling against Lucia's iron grip.

"Clear!" Dr. Thompson shouted, and her head snapped back in his direction in time to see the paddles pressed to Savina's chest, her body jerking off the bed as the electricity ran through it. A strangled sob escaped her, her hand now pressed to her mouth, as they did it again…..and again…and…..

The continuous beep suddenly stopped, replaced by a rhythmic beat, one that was quickly gaining speed. She saw Dr. Thompson put the paddles aside and lean over Savina, her chest now moving again.

"Savina, can you hear me?" Dr. Thompson asked urgently.

"Yeah," she answered weakly, her eyes finally fluttering open. They weren't focused at first, blinking a couple of times, before they finally focused on the doctor's worried face.

Olivia was glued to the spot, Barba's restraining arms were no longer holding her to him as tight. They loosened, his hands now moving up and down her arm, as he whispered softly to her. Telling her repeatedly that it was over, that she was alive. She saw Diana rush to her side, her sobs turning into tearful, relieved laughs.

"Di," Savina whispered.

"No sweetie, that's what you nearly did!" the tearful teenager growled darkly. To Olivia's surprise, Savina actually chuckled, though it was so weak, it didn't even bother her broken ribs.

The nurses filled out of the room, closing the door behind them, and that was when Savina's eyes finally found Olivia's. Olivia was sure that every emotion in the spectrum was showing, and it didn't need anyone who knew her well to read them, since they were openly showing on her face. A small smile lifted Savina's lips, and Olivia's legs robotically carried her back to the bed. She saw Savina's hand lifting, and she quickly took it. And that's when she released a breath she didn't even know she was holding, though it sounded more like a strangled cry. She knew that she was supposed to give Savina some time to adjust, some space, not to force anything on her. But she had just seen her baby nearly die before her eyes for the second time, and she needed a little comforting. So before reason could sneak up on her and stop her, she leaned forward and pressed a lingering kiss to the top of her head. She ignored the smell of vodka, as her wavy brown locks muffled the sob that escaped her lips when she felt Savina lean almost imperceptibly into the kiss. She pulled back and found her smiling, albeit a bit shyly and guardedly. But she was smiling nonetheless. Her tired brown eyes holding nothing but comfort, and understanding.

"I'm fine, don't worry," she assured her, though her voice was too shaky.

"Flat-lining and  _fine_  are mutually exclusive!" Diana hissed, as Olivia gently lowered herself on the bed, a lot closer to Savina than before.

"Welcome back," came Barba's also shaky voice from behind her, and Savina smiled genuinely at him.

"What the hell was that?" Lucia demanded, and Savina's eyes cut to her, but she saw her eyes fixating Dr. Thompson with a glare that reflected her intent to commit homicide if the answer he gave her was not satisfactory.

"Her body is dealing with a lot, between the drugs and alcohol, it's not that surprising actually," he explained, his voice betraying just how exhausted her felt. "But you may have just earned yourself another week in our hospitality," he added, and she groaned.

"You have got to be kidding me!" she whined.

"This is your  _third_ time, Savina," he reminded her. "So how about you go 48 hours without coding on us, and then we'll talk?" he suggested, and she gaped at him.

"Third?!"

"You don't remember?" he asked.

"Remember what? Dying?!" she questioned in shock. "I don't remember anything after escaping, until I woke up here with Mrs. Morrison hovering over me," she informed him, and he nodded.

"Good, so let's keep this as the only one you remember!" he said, and she nodded. "Try to get some sleep, and I'll come check on you later," he added, and when she nodded once more, he took his leave.

Savina could barely keep her eyes open by then, her eyelids drifting shut every so often. Olivia's free hand found its way into her hair, and she gently ran her finger over the hair covering Savina's temple. "Get some sleep," she cooed lovingly.

"My ribs hurt," she whispered.

"Do you want to lift the back a little?" Olivia inquired, and she nodded. Olivia quickly located the button in question, and pushed on it, until Savina's barely audible 'stop' came. She put the pillow under her arm once more, and Savina smiled thankfully at her.

Her eyes drifted shut, and they didn't open once more, and soon enough, it was obvious enough that she had fallen asleep.

All four occupants of the room exhaled, just as Barba's phone rang. He quickly pulled it out, smiling apologetically at the identical glares he was getting from the three females in the room, but thankfully, Savina seemed too tired to even stir.

"Barba," he whispered into the phone. "Savina's sleeping," he said, then listened for a moment, before adding. "We're on our way." And hung up.

He looked at Olivia, and saw a tirade of objections were about to be fired at him. "Dodds is at your office, and Tucker is on his way. Amanda needs to take your statement, so they can officially take you off the case," he hastily explained, careful to keep his voice down.

Olivia cut her eyes back to Savina's sleeping form, the turmoil evident on her face.

"Olivia," Lucia called gently, and waited till the Lieutenant's misty gaze found her steadier ones, before she continued. "Go do what you have to do, I know you need to talk to IAB and Dodds, and Rafael needs to talk to the DA. So why don't you both get all that out of the way, that way they don't have to pull you away again?" she suggested. "I won't leave her side, I promise." She promised.

"Neither will I," Diana reassured her.

Olivia's eyes moved between them for a moment, before she finally nodded.

"We should be back in a couple of hours," Barba told them, as he picked up his and Olivia's coats.

Olivia's gaze lingered a bit longer on Savina's sleeping face, before she leaned forward and pressed another kiss to her forehead. Once she pulled away, Barba helped her to her feet with the least disturbance to the bed possible, and they both quietly left the room.

"Diana, you don't have to stay, I've got her," Lucia told the teenager, who adamantly shook her head.

"I'm not leaving her when she's like this," she argued.

"Do your parents know you're here?" Lucia tried again, and the girl shook her head.

"There's nothing you can do for her right now, so how about you head home now, so that they don't get worried, and I'll make sure she calls you once she's up for it," Lucia suggested, but Diana once more shook her head.

"I'll call my parents and let them know where I am, they know her well, and are quite fond of her actually, so they won't mind. I can go home once she's up," she shot back, her voice leaving no room for arguments, as she pulled her phone out of her pocket, and started dialing.

Lucia had to admit that the girl's loyalty was admirable, but she couldn't help but feel frustrated at her stubbornness. She had heard Barba's stories about how jumpy Olivia was, and how much she hated that people were walking on eggshells around her, babying her. And if the girl was anything like her mother, she may not like the fact that her friend waited for her to wake up. But she knew that with teenagers that age, sometimes an argument is nothing more than a waste of energy and breath, so she let it slide. Figured that her parents will probably not let her stay, and demand that she came home in a couple of hours.

Diana left the room to talk to her parents, leaving Lucia alone in the room with a sleeping Savina. She took the time to study the girl, she hadn't seen any pictures of Olivia growing up, but if she had to guess what she looked like as a teenager, she probably looked like that. Savina looked a lot like Olivia; same tanned skin, her silky locks were a lighter shade of brown, but they were wavy just like her mother's. And then of course there were the eyes. Even though Olivia never actually told Lucia that they belonged to her father, she took a guess that it did when she saw an almost identical set on little Olivia. And her son may have mentioned once in passing that Olivia wasn't particularly fond of her eyes, and Olivia had given her a tight smile when she mentioned them once. But she figured Olivia must feel differently about them at the moment, since they were no longer his eyes but rather her daughter's.

A weak whimper from the bed brought her back to reality, and she saw Savina shake her head, her brows furrowing, and her lips trembling. She frowned at her, not entirely sure what to do. Her hesitation, however, was short lived, when Savina jerked in bed, a strangled scream escaping her lips, as she thrashed in bed. Lucia was by her side instantly, taking both of her hands into her own.

"Savina, sweetie, wake up!" she crooned, as she gently shook her, but it only seemed to get worse. A blood curling scream shot through the poor girl's lips, her body now violently shaking and thrashing in Lucia's arms. Lucia took a calming breath, maneuvering Savina's hands so she wasn't holding them so tight, and moved a gentle hand to her face. "Savina, it's only a dream. You're safe, she can't hurt you," she whispered softly. "Come on, honey. Just open your eyes, you're safe."

As another scream tore through the room, her eyes flew open, and looked dazedly at Lucia. She wasn't thrashing like before, so Lucia let go of her hands, and moved her hand into her hair, stroking it soothingly. Her other hand still cupping her face gently, her thumb running repeatedly over her cheek, wiping at the cascading tears. "It's okay, mija. You're safe, I promise," she said softly.

Savina's eyes were darting around the room, a desperate attempt to get her hung over, drugged, and concussed brain to believe that she really was safe. They finally found Lucia's once more, and she slowly nodded. Her breathing was still erratic, her chest heaving, so Lucia did the only thing that made sense, and she moved on the bed, so she can pull the terrified girl into her arms. To her pleasant surprise, Savina not only didn't object, but she actually balled up against the older woman's body. Lucia wrapped her arms tightly around her, one hand still stroking her hair gently, as she whispered assurances into her hair. "It's okay, it's over. She can't get to you anymore," she assured her, and felt Savina's hands fisting around the fabric of her blouse.

Lucia started humming a Spanish Lullaby into Savina's hair, as the girl's breathing slowly returned to normal. It didn't take long, before she drifted back to sleep. Lucia, who barely got any sleep the night before, rested her own head on top of Savina's, and in no time, she too was fast asleep, her vine-like grip on the girl growing even tighter.


	11. Chapter 11

When Diana left Savina's room, she saw Olivia and Barba standing at the end of the hallway talking to a police officer. She had already started dialing her mother's number, when she pocketed her phone and made her way over to the three of them. She could see how distraught Olivia was, and if she thought she saw emotions on her face in the room, they had magnified to mythical proportions now. The poor woman was barely keeping it together as she spoke to her subordinate. Barba's hand was rhythmically moving up and down her back, and the closer she got to them, the more sympathy she felt for the two of them. She still couldn't quite make out the words, but she could clearly hear how shaky Olivia's voice was. And from what she heard about the head of SVU, she was not one to show emotions easily. So the fact that she couldn't keep her emotions and voice in check as she spoke to the young officer spoke volumes to her state of mind.

"She's on edge, so she'll probably jerk at any sudden sound or movement, so try not to barge into the room. You can see them both through the window, so look inside before you make a move," she heard Olivia instructing him, and he nodded wordlessly. Olivia smiled at her, when she saw her approaching, and extended a hand to point her out to the officer. "This is Diana, she's Savina's friend," she introduced, and Diana smiled politely at the police officer.

"Officer Gonzalez," he introduced, with a polite bow of his head.

"Nice to meet you. She's down the hall, last door to your right. Mr. Barba's mother is with her, and she's fast asleep," she more or less briefed him. "I was on my way to the cafeteria to get some coffee, can I get you anything?" she asked, and the officer shook his head.

"Thank you, I'll go wait by the door," he informed them, before taking his leave.

Diana turned back to Olivia, who despite having misty eyes, was studying her intently. Diana gave her a small smile, "we haven't been properly introduced. I'm Diana Castillo." She extended a hand towards Olivia, who shook it, and Diana saw something flash in her eyes, as they widened slightly.

"Castillo?" she repeated, and Diana nodded, already knowing what the next question was going to be. "As in Bradford Castillo?" she sought confirmation, and once again Diana nodded. "Yeah, I'm his daughter. I know you guys met at the Police Benefit last November," Diana said softly.

Olivia's breath hitched in her throat, something Diana's father had said to her during that benefit now ringing in her ears, and her heart lunged. "His daughter's friend that looked like me," she whispered, and Diana smiled sympathetically at her.

"Yeah," she agreed. "He texted me from the benefit to tell me about it. He even teased Savina about it, telling her that you had the same tells as her when you're uncomfortable at those benefits," she told her, the knot in her stomach growing when she saw the pain flash in Olivia's eyes.

"I hope you don't mind me asking," Barba interjected. "But if you two are that close…." He was interrupted by Diana's pained voice. "How did I not notice she was missing for almost a week?" she finished for him, and he nodded.

"The Solearno's are pretty strict," she started. "They don't let her use her phone inside the house, said just in case she was dealing, they want to be able to tell the cops that nothing criminal happened under their roof if she got arrested," she ground out, and Olivia swayed slightly on the spot, if it hadn't been for Barba's steadying hand on her back. "So when our guidance counselor told me to keep track of assignments, papers, and stuff for her cause she was sick, I knew that I can't really call her, unless she does. I tried on Wednesday during lunch to call, since I figured they'd both be at work, but her phone was off. I went over today cause I know they usually spend Sundays out of the house, so I figured I'd be able to check on her without getting her in trouble," she explained. "But the apartment was swarming with cops, and a Detective Tutuola told me that she was in the hospital," she added. "He wouldn't tell me anything else, and she just coded, and evidently it wasn't the first time. So can someone explain to me what's happening?" she almost demanded.

Both Barba and Olivia sighed, they weren't sure they wanted her to hear about it, weren't even sure what Savina wanted her to know. "I don't think it's our place to tell you," Olivia said regretfully. "All I can tell you is, she won't be herself for some time, and she will need you, even if she won't admit it," she told her, clearly speaking from experience, and Diana nodded. Olivia gave her a tearful smile, and Diana smiled tightly at her.

"We should get going," Barba said, and slowly guided Olivia towards the elevator. Diana followed behind, her phone once again in her hands, as she finally finished dialing her mother's number. She spoke to both her parents, told them what she knew, and her father promised her that he will get her answers, before she hung up. She had made it to the cafeteria by then, so she grabbed some brownies – knowing that they were Savina's favorites – along with a few other pastries for herself, Lucia and the cop. She grabbed a few water bottles, some drinks and a coffee for the cop, before she finally made it back to the room. After some initial half-hearted protests from the officer, he accepted the coffee and pastries.

"I think she may have had a nightmare," he told her, and she nodded. She slowly, and ever so quietly pushed the door open, and creeped inside. She set the things down on the countertop, before she made her way over to the couch, and settled herself on it. She watched Lucia and Savina sleep for a while, Savina balled up against Lucia's chest, and the older woman had her arms wrapped tightly around her. She smiled softly to herself, happy that Savina finally had someone in her life, before her smile fell as she realized exactly how she came to find her family.

* * *

Olivia walked into her squad room, and was immediately greeted by Dodds, who did not look amused in the slightest.

"Lieutenant Benson, how nice of you to finally join us!" he hissed sarcastically.

Before she could respond, she heard Tucker's voice from behind her. "Take it easy, Chief. We're all on edge here," he reprimanded.

Olivia may not have liked Tucker at first, and they may have butted heads more times than she could count, but in the past few years, she had found a way to work with him. She was still not his biggest fan, but she was not constantly irritated by him either. And the fact that he seemed more understanding of the situation than the Chief was, was earning him points in her book.

She had barely managed to school her features in the elevator, and her face was blank. It wasn't professional, it wasn't emotional, it wasn't anything, it was just blank. She quickly scanned the room for her team, but didn't find any of them.

"Tutuola hasn't come in yet, neither has Carisi, and Rollins is talking to the foster family," Dodds listed edgily.

Olivia nodded at him, as she made her way over to her office, a silent invitation for them to follow her, which they did. Once they were inside, she closed the door behind them, and made her way around her desk.

"Do you have an update on the case?" Tucker asked, before Dodds basically barked out the question.

"A lot actually," she said hoarsely.

"Last I heard, they found where she was held, and the lab was working all night on what they found. There was a warrant for the foster family's arrest, and apparently they have been. And Mrs. Freed was still in the wind," Dodds counted off.

"That sounds about right," Olivia concurred.

"And the lab techs also said that your detectives are even more unbearable than usual," Dodds added pointedly.

"That's understandable considering the Lewis angle," Tucker pointed out.

"True. But apparently it got worse last night," he argued.

"Well, that's because last night we got a DNA match on her," Olivia now stepped in, seemingly the peacekeeper between the two men, who suddenly seemed to be butting heads.

"Please don't tell me she's Johnny D's too," Tucker almost begged.

If it wasn't for the gravity of the situation, Olivia would've laughed. It seemed that  _this_ was everyone's first thought when they heard about the DNA match. But the echo of the monitor when Savina flat-lined still rang in her ear, the image of how small and vulnerable she looked as she drifted off to sleep flashed before her eyes. And so, after the night she had, and the even more stressful morning, she didn't have the time for pleasantries.

"No, actually, she's mine," she blurted it out. There was really no point in sugar-coating anything at this point, or trying to beat around the bush.

Both men froze, and gaped at her. And once again, if it wasn't for the seriousness of the situation, she would've found the speechless, fish-out-of-the-water expression on their faces, not only priceless but rather hilarious. They both just stood there, frozen in whatever position they had assumed when they walked in, both staring at her, and she could tell they were trying to decide if they heard wrong, or if she had finally lost it.

"I'm sorry. She's what now?" Tucker finally seemed to find his voice, albeit shaky and hoarse.

"My daughter," Olivia repeated, her voice finally betraying her at the last syllable.

"Do you mind explaining that one, Lieutenant?" Dodds stammered, which was quite unusual for him.

Olivia sighed audibly, before she once more recounted the all too familiar story. Tucker's mouth was gaping inch by inch at her, and Dodds just lowered himself into a chair, unable to stand straight any longer. By the time she was done with the story, both men were visibly shocked, and Tucker was even shaken up.

"My God," he whispered in disbelief. "What the hell were those nuns thinking?" he questioned in shock, and she shook her head.

"We have no idea. Carisi went over yesterday to talk to them, but they're on a mission in Guatemala, and won't be back for a few weeks. And Savina said that her mother knew of her arrival months before she was born, so we think they may have promised her the baby they gave me. But when she died, they panicked, and switched," she explained.

"But why would they do that?" Dodds asked, a suspicious undertone making its way to his voice.

"That's a question for them," Olivia replied calmly.

"And it never occurred to you to let 1PP know," he seethed.

"It had no bearings on my work, it's not like I was hiding a child at home. I thought she died at birth, before I even joined SVU. So no, I didn't think it was any of their business," Olivia said bluntly. Her boss's attitude was starting to get on her nerves, and she was in no mood to play politics.

"So all those times a defense attorney asked you if you had any children, and you denied it, you were perjuring yourself!" he fumed, and she gaped incredulously at him.

"No. Because I didn't," she hissed. "I thought my baby died."

Dodds opened his mouth to fire off another angry rant, when Tucker stepped in. "Chief, you need to calm down a bit. I understand it's a shock, but it's not like the Lieutenant was deliberately hiding the existence of the girl. Hell, she didn't even know she  _did_  exist," he said calmly. "What I wanna know is, why you waited till today to tell us?" he wondered.

"I wanted to wait till we tell her," she answered truthfully.

"You trying to tell me you didn't tell her last night?" Dodds inquired icily, and she shook her head.

"She refused to find out who her mother was. Based on the story she heard, she didn't want to know the woman who did that to her. I only told her this morning, I just came from the hospital actually," she replied.

"Well, I can't really blame her. But at least now she knows the truth," Tucker commented off-handedly. "I don't need to tell you that you are now officially off the case," he added and she nodded.

"Rollins was the lead on this from the beginning, so I'll give her my statement and stay out of it."

"Good. The fact that she's yours will complicate everything, and unfortunately gives the defense a whole lot to work with. So this has to be done by the book. Tell your team to follow every archaic rule ever written in any book, understood?" Dodds ordered, and she nodded.

"Anything else we need to know about? Tutuola already said the lab confirmed that Savina was held in that old slaughter house," Dodds said, seemingly in the know of a hell a lot more than Olivia did.

When Olivia shook her head, Tucker asked. "And where is Carisi now? I understand you're keeping him away from the Lewis angle of things."

"I think he might be trying to track down my old credit card records from around the time Savina was born," she replied, and Tucker nodded his head appreciatively. "If he finds a paper trail for all the baby stuff you got, it'll make it harder for the nuns to claim it was all your idea," he finished her trail of thought, and she nodded.

Just when Dodds opened his mouth to fire off another question, the sound of a door banging reached their ears, followed by the angry stomps of Amanda's feet. Both men turned around in time to see Amanda stalking back into the squad room, and throwing a notepad onto her desk. Dodds, being closest to the door, swung it open, and walked out, with the other two trailing behind him.

"Sargent, what can you tell me?" he demanded, crossing his arms over his chest.

When Amanda whipped around at the sound of his voice, they all noticed the phone pressed to her ear for the first time. She held up a finger to them, before her eyes cut out to something behind Tucker, who now stood with his back to the hall that led to the interrogation rooms.

"Put them in holding for now," she instructed, and the other three turned to look behind them. They saw two uniformed officers leading a couple, both of whom looked to be about mid-thirties, out of the hall, and following Amanda's instructions, headed for the in-house holding cell.

"This is police harassment!" the man bellowed. "You have no right to hold us!" the woman protested angrily. Both were fighting against the cuffs, and the officers' grips.

"You two might wanna think about shutting your mouths, or I'll make sure neither of you see the light of day!" Barba barked from the doorway threateningly. He stared them both down as the officers led them away, before making his way over to the small group still standing around Amanda's desk, who was now glaring at her phone.

"The one time I want Carisi to pick up his phone!" she growled in frustration.

"He's still not in yet?" Barba asked, and she shook her head. "He called me, but the line was breaking up, and then I lost him. I tried him back a couple of times, but got nothing."

Both Amanda and Dodds opened their mouths to say something, when Olivia spotted Carisi stalking in through the door. He held his hands up in surrender when he saw five identical sets of glares sent his way. "My battery died, and I forgot the charger at the hospital," he explained hastily.

"Did you get the credit card records?" Dodds wondered, and it was Amanda's turn to look baffled.

"Credit card records?" she repeated in question. Carisi nodded, before he answered. "Yeah, I figured if I found old receipts for the baby stuff the Lieutenant bought for Savina, it'll be harder for the nuns to claim they acted on her wishes."

"And?" Barba urged.

"They digitized their records all the way back to the eighties, but it's only accessible through the main branch where their archives are," he informed them.

"Which is closed because of the weekend, and won't open till tomorrow morning," Tucker finished for him.

"That could've been done over the phone," Dodds almost snapped.

"I  _did_  do it over the phone, that's why my battery died while I was talking to the councilor," he argued, pointing at Barba. "I went to Sheepshead Bay."

"I thought the nuns won't be back for another couple of weeks," Olivia interrupted.

"That's not where I went," he said. "I went to talk to the nurse who checked Savina when she was born," he continued, and they all frowned at him. "Okay, so last night, Savina couldn't sleep, so she and I got talking. I managed to ask about her adoptive parents without setting off any alarms in her head, and she told me that they actually knew of her arrival a few weeks before she was born," he recounted, to which both Olivia and Barba nodded. "She also said that when she spoke to the nurse who checked her out, she said that Savina was too healthy to be an abandoned baby," he added, and once again, Barba and Olivia nodded. "So it got me thinking; if the Lieutenant had no intention of giving her up, then the nuns were probably referring to someone else's baby."

"The baby they gave Benson," Tucker finished his trail of thought.

"Exactly. So I went to the hospital and asked the nurse if maybe she knew of someone else around the same time who  _was_ pregnant, but didn't really seem like the motherly type, and who was also suddenly  _not_  pregnant," he said in one breath.

"Please tell me you got a name," Barba pleaded.

"Not really, she said she couldn't remember her name, and I need a warrant to go digging."

"I'll get you the warrant," Barba interrupted, already fishing his phone out of his pocket.

"Slow down, Councilor. There might be an easier way," Carisi stopped him. "The nurse said she thinks the woman may have been an escort," he told them.

"So chances are, she's in the system," Amanda realized.

"But we don't have her DNA!" Dodds pointed out.

"Yes we do," Olivia caught up to Carisi's trail of thought. "The baby I buried," she added, once she noticed the confused looks she was getting, and Carisi nodded regretfully at her.

"Yeah, I thought it might be easier than going through hundreds of patients' records from that time," he said apologetically.

Olivia nodded. "Get me the exhumation order, and I'll sign it," she told him.

"Is that why you were calling me?" Barba wondered.

Carisi shook his head. "No, I wanted a warrant for Savina's record from that night actually. The nurse said she was healthy, but we need the official record that says so."

"And why were you trying to reach him, Sargent?" Dodds asked.

"Mrs. Solearno works at a center that holds many support group meetings; GA, AA, that kinda stuff," she started. "She says that one of the groups that meet there is for people with weight problems," she continued. "One of the regulars there is a pale, red-headed woman, but she is not sure of her name, and couldn't give me a detailed description, but apparently they sign up with their ID, so I wanted Carisi to go get the records," she finished.

"I thought you were keeping him away from anything related to the Lewis angle," Tucker pipped up.

"I am, but Fin is nowhere near the area, and this really doesn't have any connection to Lewis, he's merely looking at ID pictures," Amanda argued.

"Where is Detective Tutuola?" Dodds now asked.

"He's still canvasing around the Solearno's home, trying to see if anyone had been snooping around, or asking about Savina," she replied. "And he's gonna canvas around her escape route once he's done to see if maybe someone saw our missing juror, or even Savina."

"They know which way she went?" Tucker asked.

"Yeah, the Canines were able to track her smell from the slaughter house all the way to the street she stumbled into," she answered.

"I thought they only got as far as a couple of blocks before they couldn't figure out which blood was hers and which wasn't," Dodds dead panned.

"That's because the unis were tracking blood stains, we hadn't gotten the Canine unit involved yet. But yesterday, Fin had them sniff her bloody dress, which seemed to do the trick. They found where she was held, and were able to track down her escape route," Amanda explained, stumbling over the words, as she saw the pain flash across Olivia's face.

"So you still need me to go get those records?" Carisi wondered.

"No, I'll tell Fin to grab them. You need to go home, and get some sleep, because you have another sleepless night with Savina tonight," Amanda informed him.

Olivia's head snapped towards Amanda as she heard her say that, and practically bit the younger woman's head off. "I'm staying with her tonight!"

"Liv, you can't," Barba argued softly, already knowing why Amanda said Carisi would be the one to stay with her. He held his hand up when Olivia's head snapped towards him, and he saw that she was about to kill him for even suggesting that she leaves Savina again. "You need to speak to a judge first, get a temporary custody order. Even if Rollins takes you off the case now, any time you spend with her before she's released into your custody, the defense will use to taint both of your testimonies," he explained gently, yet firmly.

"Lieutenant, I told you, this has to be done by the books," Dodds now joined in, though his voice was less icy than minutes before.

"Call Lanagan, and try to get before Judge Linden," Barba started. "The second she signs off on the custody order, you can spend all the time you want with her," he finished.

"Lieutenant, I promise you, she's in good hands," Carisi assured her.

"I know that, Carisi," she reassured him.

"Go give Rollins you statement, then call Lanagan. You can go back to the hospital tonight, explain it all to her, but after that, go home, and work with him on getting her back," Barba instructed gently.

Olivia was silent for a few seconds, a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts running through her. On one hand, she knew that they had a point. Any time she may spend with Savina right now can be used against them if the case went to trial. It's true that she doubted the case will. Freed wasn't exactly a mastermind, and Olivia was almost certain that they will get a confession out of her. But like Dodds said, they had to follow every archaic rule ever written in any book known to man. But on the other hand, she couldn't imagine just leaving her little girl again. She had left with them the night before, because Savina didn't really know who she was. But she had promised her that she will help her through this. She knew what she was going through, understood the crippling fear that creeps on you at night. How terrified you become of falling asleep, because that's where the shadows of pain, and the horrifying memories lie. She was torn. Her brain was telling her to do one thing, but her heart was singing a completely different tune.

She shifted her gaze between Barba, Carisi and Amanda. She saw determination on all of their faces, rage in their eyes, and a silent vow to make sure the woman would pay for what she has done. And so, deciding that an argument with all three of them would be a waste of breath, she reluctantly nodded her head.

Amanda picked up the note pad once more, before she led Olivia to the interview room to take her statement, so she can officially take her off the case.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was brought to my attention that there was some sort of a mix up with the chapters, and I am deeply sorry for that.

Diana walked up the stairs instead of taking the elevator, she had no idea where to start….if this was even a good idea. Her father's name had gotten her inside without any problems, but her steps were far less confident than her voice had been mere minutes ago. She finally turned the corner where she could see inside the squad room, the almost empty squad room. She saw the detective she had met earlier that morning, who frowned upon seeing her enter.

Fin was talking with Barba when he saw Diana enter the squad room, he frowned at her, trailing off as he spoke to Barba, which made Barba turn around. He also frowned when he saw Diana, panic rising within him since she was staying with Savina.

"Diana!" he exclaimed in surprise, and slightly in panic.

Diana smiled reassuringly at him. "Don't worry, she's fine," she was quick to assure him.

"You're Savina's friend," Fin commented.

"Yeah. Diana Castillo," she extended her hand, and Fin shook it.

"Castillo? Bradford Castillo?" he wondered, and she nodded. "I was hoping to talk to Lieutenant Benson."

"She's giving Sargent Rollins her statement," Fin stated, just as the door to the interview room opened. Amanda and Olivia both emerged, with Olivia's statement in Amanda's hand. Both women were glad when neither Dodds nor Tucker were present. But Olivia – like Barba – nearly panicked at the sight of Diana; who immediately held a hand up to calm her. "She's fine. She woke up, and had enough wit about her to realize that I probably procrastinated every single assignment till the last minute and kicked me out of there!" she quipped, smiling when she saw a small smile tugging at Olivia's lips.

"You must be Diana!" Amanda realized, and Diana chuckled.

"I take it she told you about her ribs," she laughed, and Amanda smiled as she nodded.

"Her ribs?" Fin repeated questioningly, and Diana smiled sheepishly at him. "I broke her ribs twice this past year."

Fin chuckled at the sheepish smile on her face as she turned her attention back to Olivia. "I was hoping I could talk to you," she hoped.

Olivia nodded. "Of course, why don't you wait for me in my office, and I'll be right with you." Diana nodded, and wordlessly headed into her office. Once they were satisfied that Diana was inside, Amanda turned her attention back to Fin.

"Fin, please tell me you got those files," Amanda nearly begged. They had been hitting brick walls all day, she was desperate for something that will move the case along. And something that won't rely on their hunches, personal believes, or prejudiced thoughts. She wanted – or rather  _needed_  – a solid lead that defense can't argue was vindictive. This whole playing by the books thing was starting to get on their nerves!

"I did. Councilor and I were just looking through them right now," he calmed her. "Guess who we found?" he asked rhetorically, holding up a sign up sheet.

"Freed!" Olivia basically spat her name.

"There's more to it than that, I asked around the center. Apparently it was a known fact that Savina was staying with the Solearno's, and Mrs. Solearno had told a few of her coworkers that she was heading for California, without Savina. Although they claim that she told them that she had arranged for someone to keep her, they didn't know she was staying on her own," he added.

"And the canvas?" Barba asked.

"Barba, the DA didn't take you off this case?" Amanda wondered in surprise. She had been so focused on getting Olivia out of the way, that she didn't realize that Barba should probably be taken off the case as well.

"No, Cutter said he will keep a close eye on the case, and if it gets too hairy, he will take the lead, and I will assist," he replied. Amanda nodded, before she turned her attention back to Fin.

"A few shops around the apartment building said that they saw Freed lurking around the area a couple of weeks before she took Savina. A few security guards around the slaughter house said that they saw her coming in and out of the building, but never saw Savina with her. On a hunch, I canvased nearby tool shops. And that's where I got this," he held up a security picture of Freed. "Cashier wouldn't give me the receipt without a warrant, because it has her credit card info on it, but he more or less confirmed what she bought. It's the same list Lewis bought when he took you," he informed them.

"As much as I hate to admit it, but all of that is still not enough for a warrant," Barba remarked regretfully. He held up his hands in surrender when three identical murderous glares were sent his way. "If I go before any judge with all of that, he  _might_  sign the warrant, but defense can easily argue that this was more prejudicial than probative, and they'll have a strong case."

"What if Savina picked her out of a line up?" Amanda asked, a sudden gleam making its way to her eyes.

The other three frowned at her. "How on earth, or any other realm, will this be possible? Savina said she was blindfolded, or she wore a mask!" Olivia exclaimed in frustration.

"I have an idea," she said vaguely. "But Liv, you can't be a part of this anymore. Go see what Diana wants, I'll talk to Barba," she instructed. For a second, Olivia looked like she was about to protest, before she realized that Amanda was merely doing what was best for Savina.

"I can't thank you guys enough," she whispered sincerely. Fin cocked his head at her. "Stop talking nonsense, girl! This bitch didn't just mess with you, she messed with all of us. And you better hope that I don't get my hands on her first, or else that comment I made in Cragen's office about Lewis won't be wishful thinking!" he admonished gently. The serious tone of the last comment was not lost on any of them – save Olivia, who had no idea what he was referring to – and they knew that it was not an empty threat. And neither of them actually had any problem with it. Amanda for one, thought she might actually look the other way.

Olivia smiled appreciatively at him, before making her way towards her office. She found Diana standing by her desk, holding a framed picture of Noah and herself in her hand. She looked up at the sound of the door closing, and turned the picture around. "We ran into him a couple of weeks ago, he absolutely refused to let Lucy put him down on the ice, or even step into the rink with him. But he took to Savina fairly quickly, and it wasn't long before she had him on his feet on the ice," Diana recounted fondly.

"Yeah, he saw her this morning, and lunged at her," Olivia recalled.

"Well, I guess this video will be all the more meaningful to you then," Diana pointed out, and Olivia frowned at her. "Last year, we were studying physics of motion. Our teacher had each of us pick a sport, and demonstrate the physics of it. The one condition he had, was that it can't be something we already know how to do. We had to pick something that we had no previous knowledge of. My brother, Sam, chose ice skating," she explained. "Savina was, of course, his test subject as he called her," she continued, and saw the longing in Olivia's eyes. "Once we turned our papers in, he decided to do a more advanced form of it for his college applications, so he started recording each and every time Savina set foot on the ice. Another friend of ours, Demetri, also knows figure skating, so they started dancing together. The day Noah graced us with his presence, Sam had the cameras rolling," she finished.

"Why are you telling me all of this?" Olivia wondered, though her voice was more curious than impatient. She loved learning those things about Savina. She felt like she had seventeen years' worth of stuff to catch up on.

"This morning you said that she won't be herself for a while, and that she will need my help to come back from whatever it is that happened to her," Diana answered, and Olivia nodded. "You're right, she's not the same. She's good at hiding it, but there will come a point where it  _will_ be too much to bare, and it will all come crashing down on her. And even though she is terrified of admitting it, even to herself. She will need  _you_ of all people to help her through it. So I figured I'd give you an idea of who we're trying to bring back." She pulled a flash drive from her pocket and handed it to Olivia.

Olivia silently took the drive from her and plugged it into her laptop, a video immediately started playing. Diana silently made her way to the door, and led herself out. She ran into Barba as he made his way over, and told him what she gave Olivia. By the time he made it to the office, and around the desk, Olivia's shoulders were shaking with her silent sobs. He silently wrapped his arms around her, his hands moving up and down her arm in an attempt to sooth her, as he murmured kisses into her hair.

He saw Savina moving gracefully on the ice, her laughter echoing in the closed space, and the emptiness of the rink. She and the other teenage boy were the only ones in the frame. Diana's voice, as well as another boy's voices could be heard, but they did not appear on the video.

" _Guys, I need something with a spinning motion!" Sam almost begged._

Neither Barba nor Olivia understood the terms that Savina and Demetri tossed between them, before they seemingly decided on a certain move. They skated together till they gained enough momentum, before Demetri picked up Savina, and spun her between his hands in the air. Olivia's heart sank when she saw Savina spinning in the air, and a sound that was a mix between a laugh and sob escaped her lips when Savina was safely back on the ice.

" _A Little more complex, if you please," Sam instructed._

" _Ay-ay, Captain!" Savina mock saluted, sticking her tongue out at Sam – or rather at the camera._

Olivia gasped softly when Demetri pulled Savina from between his legs, spun her, and let her drop a few feet away from him.

" _Oh come on you guys!" Sam whined._

_A delighted squeal filled the rink, and Savina whipped around to locate the source, and found Noah happily clapping his hands._

" _Well, at least he liked it!" she quipped, as she made her way over to him._

Olivia's heart melted when she saw Savina cooing at Noah, and how well Noah responded to her. It surprised her how easily he took to her, and even let her pluck him out of Lucy's arms. The video went on to show how Savina skated slowly with Noah in her arms, did a few simple moves with him, before she gently lowered him to his feet on the ice. She saw her holding his hand as they skated. And it wasn't long before she was pushing Noah back and forth between her and Demetri, both crouching down close to each other.

Both Olivia and Barba had tears in their eyes by the time Lucy and Noah had bed them farewell, and Olivia thought that it was the end of the video. But before she could reach over to switch it off, a song came over the sound system in the rink, and both Demetri and Savina started dancing to it. Her laugh was a much welcomed sound; the way she threw her head back as she laughed was a much needed change from the sight she saw this morning; the way her body moved gracefully with the tunes of the song was remarkably different from the way it jerked as the paddles sent wave after wave of electricity.

Olivia's sobs were hard to control by then, and she turned around to bury her head in Barba's body. He let her cry, let her get it all out. She had just watched her daughter die, saw pain in her eyes that she was all too familiar with. He held her close, let his body muffle her cries, as he once again murmured kisses and assurances into her hair. His hand was now stroking her hair soothingly, as the other rubbed up and down her back.

"We'll get her back, I promise," he vowed softly.

* * *

Lucia woke up to a sore shoulder, and a numb arm. She was confused at first, her foggy brain still not quite realizing where she was, but then she felt someone move against her chest. She looked down at the weight on her arm, and that seemed to get her brain to catch up to the events of the past few hours. Savina was still fast asleep, curled up against her chest, though her hands were no longer balled up around her blouse. She took the time to study the teenager; she was truly beautiful, looking much like her mother. She smiled sadly at her, even at her young age, she did not look peaceful in her sleep. Though she wasn't sure if it was merely the events of the previous few days, or if it was the case even before. She pushed some of her hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear, making the teenager stir in her sleep. Lucia stilled, she didn't mean to wake her, and she thought if she just froze that maybe Savina would not awake. But her hopes dashed when she saw those haunted brown eyes flutter open. It took Savina couple of seconds, but she finally saw her eyes focus on her own.

"Morning," she greeted softly.

"I think you mean afternoon," Savina quipped teasingly, and Lucia chuckled. "Yeah, I only closed my eyes for a second."

Savina smiled. "That's all it takes sometimes."

Lucia nodded. "Diana was here when I fell asleep, but I guess her parents told her to come home," she guessed.

"No, they didn't. I woke up about two hours ago and kicked her out," Savina informed her. "I knew she probably had a ton of homework to get to, and I didn't want her flunking because of me. It's bad enough that there's a good chance I'm getting kicked out of school, I don't want her to join me," she explained.

"You don't have to worry about that. I'm sure your mother, and Rafael will figure something out," Lucia assured.

"How long have they been together?" Savina wondered.

"Less than a year."

Savina's eyebrows shot up her forehead. "You can't be serious?" she almost squeaked. Lucia laughed at her disbelief, already knowing what was going through her mind, but nodded nonetheless. "Wow!" she said in surprise. "If you look at them, you'd think they've been together for years."

"Trust me, we were all praying they get together the second they met."

"And how long did that last?" she wondered. "A whopping three years!" Lucia declared, waving her hand in the air dramatically. "Man alive, they're slow!" Savina joked, and Lucia laughed genuinely at her.

"I think I owe you an apology for earlier," Savina said softly. Lucia held her hand up, stopping her before she could finish. "No, you don't. What you went through was awful, and you are entitled to have every reaction in the book," she soothed, instinctively reaching over and pushing an errand strand of hair behind her ear. "You look so much like your mother," she commented softly.

Savina smiled shyly at her, and looked away. "I guess I have to get used to people saying that," she pointed out, and Lucia frowned in confusion at her. "My parents both had bright blue eyes, and different shades of blonde hair," she elaborated, and Lucia nodded in understanding. "She loves you very much, Savina. I know it will take some time for you to adjust. But don't ever doubt her love for you. She's been mourning you for years," Lucia stated confidently.

"Did you know?" Savina alluded questioningly, her voice a tad over a whisper. Lucia knew exactly what she was talking about, and briefly thought of lying to her, but knew that Savina would probably see right through it. After all, if the foster care system taught you one thing, it was how to read people well.

"She told me the full story last night after they got the DNA match," she confessed, and saw something flash in Savina's eyes. "That doesn't mean anything, Savina. She loves you very much, and from what I saw yesterday, she never stopped mourning you," she added. Savina averted her eyes, not entirely sure how to respond to this. Years of experience told her to expect the worst, but her instinct told her that this was different. She was never one to show emotions easily, or let anyone in on what she was thinking, but it seemed that the alcohol and drugs were affecting her inhibitions, and the question was out before she got the chance to stop herself. "Then how come she didn't tell you about me?"

It broke Lucia's heart how small and vulnerable she sounded, the pain and doubt in her voice was not lost on her, and it reminded her that even though she seemed like a tough seventeen year old, underneath it all….she was a terrified little girl.

"I didn't tell Rafael about the baby I lost before him," Lucia dead-panned, and Savina's eyes snapped up to meet hers. Lucia smiled reassuringly at her, before she started her tale. "I miscarried at eight months before I had Rafael, and to this day, he doesn't know. That doesn't mean it hurt me any less, doesn't mean I forgot about that baby, doesn't mean that I don't love her," she listed. "It merely means, that sometimes you keep certain things to yourself. You may find an appropriate time to tell people, and you may take the secret to your grave."

Savina's gaze shifted wildly between Lucia's, trying to find any signs of deception, of lies….but found none. She found love, understanding, a need to protect from future harm…safety. She smiled softly at her, her hand squeezing the older woman's in comfort. Lucia squeezed the hand back, before she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Thanks," Savina said sincerely. "That's what Abeulitas are for!" Lucia joked, smiling when Savina laughed.

A knock on the door interrupted their sweet moment, and since Diana had closed the blinds, they couldn't really see who it was. "Come in," Savina called out, as she slowly turned onto her back, just as the door opened revealing both Olivia and Barba. Lucia was already half way out of the bed by the time the door opened, and she didn't miss the fleeting moment of jealousy that crossed Olivia's face. She knew Olivia was dying to hold her daughter, but was trying not to push the girl.

Savina's entire face lit up when she saw the box in Barba's hand. "Detective Tutuola got you your laptop, and phone," he explained, as he placed the small box on top of the bed.

"He deserves a raise!" she quipped, as she pulled her phone and charger out. She looked around the bed for the outlet, and Olivia quickly took it from her, and plugged it in.

Once all was settled, Lucia took her leave, but not before checking in on the progress of the case. Savina's happiness over having her phone with her was sadly short lived, since Dr. Thompson came in and took her for some x-rays and MRIs. But not without protests of course. By the time she came back, her phone was back up and running, but there was a strange man in her room.

"Savina, this Trevor Lanagan," Olivia introduced. "He's the lawyer who helped me with Noah's adoption," she continued. "He's going to help us with you as well."

Savina smiled politely at the strange man, and shook his offered hand. "She's the spitting image, Olivia," he commented with a smile. Savina's eyes cut to Olivia's at the comment, and she was touched by the pride she saw in them. The sheer happiness that simple comment left.

"Thanks for doing this on a weekend," Savina said appreciatively.

"My pleasure, but I'm afraid it won't be an easy process. I will try to get your mother in front of Judge Linden in the morning before court, get her to sign the temporary custody order," he stated, and Savina's heart sank at the word 'temporary'. The slight change in demeanor was not lost on neither Barba nor Olivia, but it was Barba who quickly explained it to her.

"The temporary custody paperwork is much faster than permanent ones, and in your case, we still need to prove what the nuns did. So at least this way, you'll be with us until we solve this mess," he hastily explained, and she nodded.

"Your mother told me that your adoptive mother told you she knew of your arrival weeks before you were actually born?" Trevor sought confirmation, and she nodded.

"Yeah. She said she had spent years praying for a baby – and later on, my grandmother said that they tried to have one of their own for years, but couldn't – but then a nun told her one day in church that she will soon get a baby girl," she recounted.

"And did any of them ever say if they knew your birth mother, or how you came to be in the church?" he asked, and she shook her head. "My parents died when I was four, and my grandmother passed when I was ten. So any story they told me was dumbed down for a child," she pointed out.

"And Olivia, you've never told the nuns anything that may be misconstrued as not wanting the baby?" he wondered.

Olivia adamantly shook her head. "I never set foot in this place before that day. I wasn't even supposed to be there. I was out running errands when a storm hit, and I started having contractions. I ran into the church and told the nuns to call an ambulance, but they said the phone lines were down because of the storm. My water broke, and one of the nuns said she used to be a nun, and she was the one who delivered her. I fainted, and when I came to, they told me she was gone," she recalled the story once more, her voice catching slightly at the end.

"Alright, I'll get the paperwork going, and I will keep trying Judge Linden, and see if we can get in with her early tomorrow morning," he informed her.

"We know it's last minute, and we appreciate you taking this case on such a short notice. But I can't stay here at the hospital with her, until that order comes through," Olivia pleaded gently with him.

"It'll give defense a chance to claim you two got your stories straight," Trevor finished her trail of thought, and she nodded. "I'll let you know as soon as I know something," he assured her, and she smiled appreciatively at him. "I can't thank you enough."

"No thanks needed. It's my utmost pleasure," he shot back genuinely. "It was very nice meeting you, Savina. And I'm sure I'll be seeing plenty of you, as we try to sort this out completely," he said.

"Looking forward to it," Savina replied.

Just as Trevor left the room, Carisi came in, all freshed-up, with take-out and coffee in his hand.

"Ready to kick off tonight?" he asked, and Savina grinned at him.


	13. Chapter 13

Savina's eye narrowed at the sight of the takeout in Carisi's hand. "You got food?" she asked incredulously. Carisi handed both Olivia and Barba their coffees, the latter was exceptionally grateful for it. "I knew you probably hadn't eaten anything all day, and I figured the hang-over should be better by now, so maybe we can give it another try?" he suggested, as he dangled the takeout bag. "And besides, I had to get the councilor his dose of caffeine before he goes into withdrawal on us!" he quipped, and she laughed, hissing in pain at the end, as she held her side. "Sorry," he apologized. She threw her hand up in exacerbation, "why is everyone apologizing for making me laugh today? Trust me, that's a good thing!" she exclaimed dramatically, and Carisi gave her a look of faux disapproval. "Not if it hurts your ribs," he argued. He knew she was right, it was a good thing for people to make her laugh after what she went through, and it took her mind off of things. But he also knew that his boss was quite enjoying the banter between them, so he was dragging it along. He so didn't want to be standing in the room when the awkward silence descends, it was going to happen sooner or later, and he intended to be miles away.

"Sonny, I broke my ribs twice before. This the only thing about this entire situation that I actually know how to handle!" she stated bluntly, and Olivia's eyebrows shot up her forehead at her use of Carisi's first name. Carisi had already pulled a plastic container from the bag, and popped open the lid. The room was filled with the smell of something delicious, but Olivia was not quite sure what it was.

"I called Eddie to ask him what you liked to eat, and he said that you can never resist Auntie Anne's chicken and cheddar pretzels," he started, and Olivia immediately saw Savina's entire face light up at the mention of her favorite snack. "I was at my sister's who deemed it a crime for me to go buy you something like that, when she can do it a thousand times better!" he continued, and she was now sitting up in bed, trying to see inside the container. "So she made a few with mozzarella, black olives, parmesan, and real chicken, not the 'fake' cold cut you get." He air-quoted the fake part, and Savina was almost drooling by then. Carisi moved it closer to her, and she took a whiff. When she didn't scrunch her nose like she did that morning, both Barba and Olivia breathed in relief. She pulled one out of the box, and took a bite. She slowly chewed, various sounds of pleasure escaping her closed mouth. "Send your sister my deepest gratitude, and tell her she may have gotten me addicted!" she complimented, before she took another large bite from it. Carisi smiled happily at her, before he moved the box towards Olivia and Barba. "She made enough for everyone," he said, and when they looked inside, it was indeed full.

"So I guess you know?" Savina alluded.

"Of course, knew before your mom did," he said flatly. "You should've seen the look on our ME's face," he continued. "She was glaring at the file like it personally insulted her!" he quipped, and she chuckled. "Well, it did resurrect me, so I guess she had every right to glare at it," she mumbled through her mouthful.

* * *

By the time Barba and Olivia stumbled through the door, it was almost Noah's bedtime. They relieved Lucy, and profusely thanked her for her patience. Noah had practically thrown himself at Olivia the second he saw her, and she happily obliged, and hugged him tightly. She had barely seen him in the past couple of days, and she knew that she had to figure out a way to balance between the two. "Hi, baby," she cooed, as she planted a number of soft kisses on his cheek, and inhaled his scent.

"Raf!" Noah squealed happily when Barba made his way into the living room after paying Lucy, and thanking her for the umpteenth time. He let her know that they might need her earlier than usual the next morning, and she promised to be no later than 7:30. Barba put his arms around both Olivia, and Noah, and kissed both of their temples. He knew it was hard for Olivia to leave Savina, he had to practically drag her away from the room. Despite Carisi, and Diana's – who showed up to spend the night, despite Savina's adamant protests – assurances that they won't let her out of their sights, he still had to drag her away.

By the time midnight rolled around, Noah had been put to bed, Trevor had faxed over the custody papers, they filled out the paperwork, faxed them back to Trevor, and were now waiting for Trevor to call with a time for their meeting. Olivia had just exited the bathroom, just as Barba got off the phone. She was towel-drying her hair, noticing for the first time, just how exhausted Barba looked.

"That was Trevor, he got you in with Judge Linden at 7:30 because she has a court appearance at eight," he informed her, his voice finally betraying just how exhausted her felt. She nodded at him, as she threw the towel into the hamper he had by the closet. She made her way over to him, and wrapped her arms around his waist, nestling her head into his neck. She sighed contently – tinged with a hint of sadness – when his arms came up and protectively encircled her. He rubbed his hands up and down her back, as he rested his head against hers.

"I have no idea how to thank you. I never would've been able to do this on my own," she mumbled appreciatively, and he tightened his arms around her. "Liv, I already told you that you never have to worry about that anymore. She's my daughter too," he tried his luck, and when all she did was tighten her arms around his waist, he continued. "I'm where I belong, and I'm not going anywhere," he vowed softly. "And about that, there's something that I need to talk to you about."

She pulled back from his embrace, and worriedly looked at him. He smiled reassuringly at her, one hand finding its way to her face, where he rubbed the back of it across her cheek to sooth her. "I was gonna ask you yesterday over lunch, but never got the chance."

"Ask me what?"

"To move in with me," he whispered, a small smile tugging at his lips.

Olivia gaped at him, not entirely sure if she heard correctly. It's not that she was against the idea, it's just that she didn't think he would ask after less than a year together. She loved falling asleep in his arms, and waking up to him; she loved how normal it felt when she woke up to the smell of breakfast, and the sight of him in sweat pants in the kitchen; she loved watching him play with Noah, how easily Noah took to him. She also couldn't deny how much the relationship had helped Noah; he was talking more, even picked up a few words in Spanish, and she even had people in daycare comment about how his development had improved greatly. But because she was never one to get her hopes up, she wasn't entirely sure if Barba would want anything more than what they already have. So the question was quite the surprise to her, albeit a pleasant one.

She saw the worry start to creep into his eyes, fear that he may have just scared her into running out the door. She always found it endearing that a man who was ruthless when it comes to fighting in a courtroom, and who always gave the impression of arrogance when he walked into a room, was so insecure when it came to his personal life. She saw his mouth open, surely to fire off some frantic rant of reasons why it made sense for them to move together, or to take it back, and swear that he wasn't trying to push her into anything she wasn't comfortable with. She leaned up and caught his lips in a gentle kiss, and also to silence him before his brain carried him too much down the rabbit hole. His mouth was almost desperate against hers, almost as if he thought he was about to lose her.

"Are you sure you want this?" she asked softly once she pulled back from the kiss.

He nodded. "Liv, I've never been this happy before. I never thought I'd like the domestic life, but waking up to you and Noah is the best thing that ever happened to me. I want this, I want it with you."

The sincerity of his words melted her heart, and the love she saw shinning in his eyes was both beautiful and terrifying.

"What about Savina?"

"What about her? It makes even more sense that you move in with me, for her sake. Your apartment barely has enough space for you and Noah, she's gonna need her own space," he reasoned.

"What she's going through….." she trailed off, not entirely sure how to finish. "It won't be easy….on any of us!"

"At the risk of repeating myself, she's my daughter too. I want to help her through it, she's gonna need all the stability she can get. And I think if she moves into a stable environment from the beginning, it'll help her," he pointed out gently.

"You're sure about this?" she pressed, and he nodded.

"I've never been so sure of anything in my life," was the simple, sincere answer he gave her, before kissing her forehead gently. She believed him, he had never given her any reason not to. From the first moment they met, he never lied to her. He was the only person who never treated her any different after Lewis. And he vowed to put the world at her feet when they got intimate, and not once did he break that promise.

The genuine smile that she gave him was the first he'd seen in two days, and it was quite a refreshing change from the sad, haunted look she'd had for the past two days. He mirrored her smile, and pulled her in for another kiss. She moaned into his mouth when his marauding tongue invaded her own, and gently tangled with hers in a passionate battle. His hands pressed her body flush against his, and he shuttered at the feeling.

"Let's get you into bed," he breathed. She was the only one who was able to knock the wind out of him with a simple kiss.

"Can we check on them first?" she asked, her voice sounding so vulnerable it broke his heart. He knew that they were both venturing into unknown territories with Savina, and neither knew how to handle it. He knew Olivia was scared of making a wrong move and spooking Savina, or pushing her away. He wordlessly nodded, and pulled his phone out, as they both climbed under the cover. He put the call on speaker, and waited for Carisi to pick up. The phone kept ringing, and when it went to voicemail, Olivia was about to have a panic attack. He hit the redial button, and smiled reassuringly at a panicking Olivia. Thankfully, Carisi picked up on the second ring. But rather than the usual 'hello', they heard Savina's exacerbated voice.

" _If they had listened to the damned dog, none of this would've happened!"_

" _If they had listened to the damned dog, there wouldn't be a movie for us to watch!" Diana retorted cheekily._

" _And that would've been fine!" Savina shot back childishly._

" _Ladies!" Carisi chastised playfully, before he finally turned his attention back to the phone. "Hey, Barba," he greeted._

"Hey, everything alright?" Olivia wondered.

" _Yeah, it's all fine. Hold on, let me put you on speaker."_

" _We're watching a movie," he clarified, his voice sounding a bit distant._

"What movie?" Barba wondered.

" _The conjuring!" Savina grumbled. "That's the last time I'm letting you pick!" she added._

Both Barba and Olivia chuckled at the protests escaping Diana's mouth at the accusation.

" _I feel like I'm in high school all over again, getting in between my sisters," Carisi whined._

"Why are you watching a horror movie?" Olivia wondered.

" _Thank you!" Savina yelled triumphantly._

" _She's your mom, it's basically her job to take your side!" Diana retorted. "And besides, admit it, it's taking your mind off of things!" she justified._

" _This isn't taking my mind off of things, this is giving me new material for nightmares!" Savina shot back incredulously._

" _You're welcome!"_

" _And as you can both see, I can't decide if I'm back in high school listening to the bickering of my sister, or stuck in an alternate dimension where I'm somehow a preschool teacher!" Carisi quipped._

Olivia's shoulders shook with laughter at Carisi's comment, especially at the identical set of protests the girls gave.

"Just don't stay up for too long," Olivia requested gently, and both girls sounded their approval. And with that, they wished them all a good night, and ended the call.

"She's in good hands," Barba soothed, and she sighed. "I know she is, but I also know what will happen the second she closes her eyes, and drifts to sleep."

Barba pulled her into him, and she offered no resistance. She laid down next to him, her head resting on his chest, as he adjusted the covers around them both. "I know that, but she's not alone. Carisi already managed to handle the first night, and I'm sure Diana will be fine with a few nightmares."

His voice was soft, soothing, and the way his fingers moved in her hair helped calm her. She loved the feeling of his lips against her head, how that way she can  _feel_  not just hear the sincerity. She couldn't help but remember the first time he did it, the first time he had promised her something.

* * *

_They had been seeing each other for a week, discretely of course. He took her to fancy restaurants, and she cooked for him. They mostly went back to her place, because she always had to relieve Lucy. But they hadn't slept together….not once. They had gotten into heated make-out sessions almost every single night, but right when things were about to take a turn, Noah always woke up wanting his Mama. Even that Sunday when he followed her home and kissed her for the first time. He had her pinned against the wall, their tongues tangled in a passionate battle for dominance, his hand desperately grabbing at her ass, and pinning her to him. She could feel his arousal every time her hips rocked forward, and she couldn't wait to feel him buried deep inside her. But Noah chose the moment when Barba was trailing kisses down her neck to let out a loud cry. And that was basically how the past week had gone._

_But this day was a bit different, a lot different actually. They were in his place, and Noah was with Lucy back at Olivia's. They had finished court early, and since it was a Friday, and a slow one at that, they both decided to call it a day. She was beneath him on the couch, her legs wrapped around his waist, aligning his aroused body perfectly to her own. His hands were roaming her body, and she had one hand tangled in his hair, while the other dealt with his tie and dress shirt._

" _Olivia," he shuttered into her mouth when her hand finally found the skin of his chest._

" _That's my name," she teased._

" _I still can't believe that this is happening," he admitted breathlessly. "I've fantasized about this so many times, that I'm still scared that I'll open my eyes, and that's all it's gonna be. Another fantasy!" he continued truthfully._

_Olivia was sure that if she wasn't insanely turned on, that she would've had tears in her eyes! How is it that she waited three years to be with him? But she decided not to ruin the mood. She really wanted this, and she wasn't going to wait around any longer._

" _Can a fantasy do this?" she purred seductively into his ear, as she bucked her hips, rubbing her now very wet pants against the bulge straining against his dress pants. He shuttered violently at the action, and caught her lips in a sensual kiss once more._

_An hour later, he had made her climax twice before he even entered her. His hands and mouth did things to her body, things that she never thought she would even feel again. They were still on his couch, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist, her entire body shivering beneath him as she climaxed for the third time. His name had tumbled out of her lips in the throes of passion, and it was the final straw for him as well. A few Spanish expletives escaped him, as his orgasm ripped through his body._

_He was propped up on his elbows, and the love she saw in his eyes was absolutely terrifying. She had given up on someone ever looking at her like that, didn't even think that this kind of love could exist. But there he was, his face flushed and covered with a thin layer of sweat. His green eyes practically dancing with joy, and sparkling with after-glow. He was still inside her, and she tightened her legs around his waist when he kissed her forehead._

" _I've never felt this way about anyone before," he confessed. "Didn't even look for it. You gave me everything I've ever dreamed of, and things that I didn't even know I wanted," he continued, his lips lightly brushing her forehead as he spoke. He finally pulled back to look at her, and this time she did have tears in her eyes. He bent down and kissed her gently, before he whispered. "You can ask for the world, and I'll gladly lay it at your feet," he vowed._

* * *

And he did, he provided with her safety when she needed it, gladly accepted the role of a father to her son. And now, not only was he accepting her daughter into his life, and heart. He was also putting her best interest before his eyes. After all, like he said…..she was his daughter too


	14. Chapter 14

Barba made his way into the hospital, with a few small brown take-out bags in hand, quickly making his way to Savina's room. He stopped by the Nurse's station on her floor, handing them one of the bags he had in his hand, and asked about an update on Savina. Since they hadn't quite made it a known fact around the hospital that Savina was Olivia's – otherwise, they would have to show proof of custody, which was yet to be obtained – so the nurses knew that he was the ADA assigned to the case, and always gave him the update he needed. Of course he knew that there were hushed talks about their dedication towards this patient, and even a few theories about why that would be. But he was sure none of their imaginations had led them to the truth.

He made his way over to the room, and found Officer Watson – he took over from Gonzalez the night before – sitting in his chair, reading a book. He looked up at the sounds of footsteps, and smiled tiredly at the approaching ADA. Barba shot a quick glance into the room, and saw a passed-out Carisi on the recliner, with Diana moving about the room gathering her things, and Savina sound asleep in bed. The officer stood up when Barba reached him.

"Good morning, officer," Barba greeted, offering him one of the bags.

The uni smiled appreciatively at Barba. "Morning, sir." He took the bag from him, and peeked inside, smiling widely when he saw the bagel and coffee inside. "Thank you, sir."

Barba smiled. "No problem. Everything went alright last night?"

"Yeah. She had a couple of nightmares I think, the doctor and a few nurses checked up on her a couple of times during the night, and I think she fell asleep a couple of hours ago," he briefed him quickly. News of Savina's identity had already spread like wildfire around the department, so when he was assigned to stay guard on the door, he knew that he had to pay attention to a whole lot more than just any unwanted visitors.

Barba smiled thankfully at him, before he slowly turned the knob, and pushed the door open. The room itself wasn't lit, but the light streaming in from the hallway through the window was more than enough to let him see. Diana – who had her phone pressed to her ear as she whispered into it – looked up at the sound of the door opening, as she slipped her boots on. He looked over at the bed, and saw Savina fast asleep on it. He couldn't help but chuckle softly at the resemblance, the position that she apparently assumed in her sleep was one of Olivia's favorites. She was lying on her back, her arm bent at the elbow over her head, so that her hand was tucked under her head.

"Her dad just came, so just let me know when you're downstairs," Diana whispered into the phone, and Barba's heart fluttered slightly when she referred to him as Savina's dad.

He offered her the small brown bag as soon as she got off the phone, and got to her feet. "I didn't know what you liked, but I figured bagel and cream cheese is the safest bet."

"They're perfect, thank you. You're a life saver!" she exclaimed excitedly, though she kept her voice down a bit. "The food in the cafeteria is not good. I don't think Savina throwing up had anything to do with her! It's the food!" she grumbled and he chuckled.

"Why don't we step outside so we can talk?" he suggested, but to his surprise, she shook her head. "She said the silence gets to her, she didn't sleep till there was movement outside the room, and the hospital's pace started to pick up again," she explained hastily.

"How did it go last night?" he asked evasively.

"Like I said, the silence gets to her, so we watched another movie after The Conjuring. We talked till I think about four, and when there was more commotion outside, or maybe her body caved, she fell asleep. Of course she had a few nightmares, but we handled them," she replied softly. "She responded better to Carisi's voice, rather than mine. She woke up faster if he was the one trying to pull her out of it," she added, and Barba nodded in understanding.

"She was taken by a woman, so it makes sense that she wakes up faster if it's a man's voice," he stated. Diana's phone vibrated, and she pulled out, glancing at it quickly. "That's my brother, they're downstairs. They all want to see her, but I'm not entirely sure she's ready for that," she sighed, the exhaustion from the lack of sleep evident in her voice.

"Thank you for staying. I'm sure it won't be easy to keep a clear head at school today," Barba pipped up.

"It's okay, I've pulled all-nighters before for school. She means more to me than some exam," she retorted fondly, her eyes wandering over to the bed. "My Dad is meeting with the board today to figure out a way for her to keep the scholarship," she informed him.

Barba reached inside his coat, and pulled out one of his cards. "Just have him give me a call. I don't want her worrying about school right now," he said, handing her the card.

"She made me promise not to come for the rest of the week to focus on school, so I'll see you on Friday," she declared, as she headed for the door. "Thanks for the bagels," she chirped once the door was open.

"See you then, and no problem."

Once the door closed behind her, Barba turned back to the still sleeping Carisi. He gently placed the bags he still in his hand on the small coffee table in the corner of the room, and shrugged out of his coat. He saw Savina's phone lighting up from the bedside table, and he made his way over to it. He thought it was someone calling, and he was going to silence it before it rang, and woke her up. But when he saw that it was just a text, he relaxed, and just stood by the bed, watching her sleep. She looked peaceful – so far – and he wondered if she even knew the meaning of a good night sleep. He knew all too well the horrors foster kids face, after all, half his arraignments daily are troubled foster kids, ones who used to be in the system. It had been a weapon his father used against him constantly as a kid, he would threaten him that if he went to the police, that they will put him in foster care. He wondered if she knew how to let other people take care of her, it had taken Olivia a while to let him do it because she was so not used to it. It dawned on him, that it was probably the same with Savina. It pained him to realize that she inherited more than just her mother's looks, it appeared that she also inherited her tormented childhood. He couldn't help but wonder how different the situation would have been if she was never taken from Olivia. He knew that what his mother said was true, that she would have been in the apartment when Lewis attacked, and he most probably would've killed her. But maybe she would've been out that day, spending the night at a friend's or something. If she had survived him, would she still have been taken?

The sound of a buzzing phone shook him out of his trail of thoughts, and he looked over in time to see Carisi groaning as he looked at his phone, with his eyes only half open. He abandoned his place by the bed, and walked over to Carisi.

"Good morning, Detective."

"Morning!" Carisi mumbled sleepily, as he sat up, rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed his face.

"Here, I think this might help," Barba stated, handing him a coffee cup. Carisi took the cup from him without so much as a single protest, and took a large swig from it. "Thanks, Barba," he grunted appreciatively.

"Go home, and get some sleep. I got her."

"No can do. That was Rollins, the warrants for Savina's hospital record from the night of her birth, and the Lieutenant's credit card records came in," Carisi retorted. "Where is the Lieutenant?" he asked, his half asleep brain finally realizing that she was nowhere to be found.

"She's meeting Judge Linden about a temporary custody order, then Fin is meeting her with the exhumation order to dig up the baby," he listed. "She didn't want Savina to be on her own."

Carisi nodded in understanding. "Well, Savina's barely been asleep a couple of hours, and she had a couple of nightmares," he recounted, and Barba nodded. "Diana told me, I saw her before she left for school," he interjected softly.

"Lucy got Noah?" Carisi wondered, and Barba sighed. "Yeah, she does. But she said she can only keep him till three, so I guess I'll have to go get him, and see if my mother can take him for the rest of the day. I know Liv will spend the night here, so I can take him at night."

"How about I call Bella?" Carisi suggested. "Noah loves playing with the baby, and she loves Noah. Lucy can drop him off at her place."

Barba shook his head. "No, I can't spring this on your sister like that," he objected half-heartedly. In truth, this made more sense than his mom. Lucia was great with Noah, but realistically speaking, he knew she wouldn't be able to leave work before at least five, and that if he was being optimistic. And Bella's apartment was on their route back from the hospital.

"You're not springing anything on her, like I said; she loves Noah, and Noah loves Matilda," he argued.

Barba smiled appreciatively at him. "Thanks, Carisi."

"Don't mention it. I'll give you a call with any updates." And with that, he left the room. Barba heard mumbling from the other side of the door, and he knew that it was probably Carisi giving Officer Watson an ETA on Gonzalez. Moments later he saw Carisi heading down the hallway towards the elevator. He found himself once more looking over at Savina, he grabbed one of the chairs and moved it closer to the bed, before lowering himself into it. He had barely gotten any sleep the night before, between Olivia's nightmares, and his own, he was drained. He knew that it was going to get worse before it got any better, and he cashed in one of his many backed up vacation days as soon as he woke up. He called his secretary, and told her that he won't be coming in today. He was a bit surprised that the DA didn't take him off the case, and he wasn't going to back down, so he knew he had to keep a level head throughout all of this to make sure he gets Freed. It was true that the rest of the squad didn't think that she will let the case go to trial, but he wasn't taking any chances. What if she was too far off the deep end that she believed she can get away with it, and let it go to trial? He had to be prepared.

A small whimper from the bed shook him out of his thoughts, and he saw Savina's face contorted slightly, as she shook her head. He immediately shot up to his feet, and sat down on the bed next to her.

"Savina, wake up," he instructed gently, his hands finding both of her shoulders. "You're safe, honey. Just open your eyes."

"No, please don't," she begged, her eyes still screwed shut, a thin layer of sweat now covering her face.

He hesitated for a second, before he gently cupped her face, caressing her cheek with his thumb, wiping away at the tears. "Niña, it's over. She can't hurt you anymore, just open your eyes. It's Rafael, you're safe," he chanted soothingly over and over, as he tried to wake her before the quiet whimpering turned into screams. The shaking wasn't getting any worse, but she wasn't waking up either. He kept repeating reassurances to her, till her eyes finally snapped open. They were wild, pupils blown wide in fear, as her eyes frantically darted around the room.

"You're safe, no one is going to hurt you," he soothed.

"Rafael," she breathed in relief when her eyes finally focused on him, and he smiled reassuringly at her. Her voice was still laced with fear, and it tore him to see her so scared.

"I promise you, you're safe."

She nodded robotically, and it was then did he realize that he was still cupping her face. He was about to take his hand back, but her own hand came up, and she grabbed on to his sleeve. He saw the exhaustion in her eyes, and realized that maybe the contact was not only calming her down, but also helping her drift back to sleep.

"I'm not going anywhere," he vowed, his other hand finding hers and grasping it. Her knuckles turned white around his hand, and he moved his thumb repeatedly over the back of her hand, as her eyes fluttered closed once more.


	15. Chapter 15

Olivia sat in Judge Linden's office, her leg shaking nervously as she and Trevor waited for the Judge to arrive. Trevor looked over at her and noticed how pale she looked, how she kept fidgeting with her fingers, and the nervous tapping of her foot against the carpeted floor.

He placed a calming hand onto her knee, drawing her eyes up to his. The pain, trepidation and inexplicable fear he saw in them broke his heart. He's known her for years, worked with her a few times, and even represented her once long knew that she didn't scare easily, so to see her like this spoke volumes. He had gotten a glimpse of the real Olivia Benson when he became Noah's legal representative. She took in the boy, and welcomed him almost immediately into her life and heart. She fought for him, for his mother, and didn't rest until justice was served. But he understood her anxiety. He smiled reassuringly at her. "It's going to be fine, Olivia," he reassured, and she shook her head.

"I don't even know how to explain any of this to her. What if she asks for credit card records? Or Savina's birth records from the hospital? I don't wanna leave Savina any longer than I have to," she listed, her voice becoming a near whisper by the end.

Trevor sighed, he knew that all of those things will be needed, and she had a right to worry. He debated whether to dodge it, or address it. But one look at her, and he knew that she was not going to let any of it go, until Savina is officially her own. "Olivia, this is a temporary custody request, all of that will be required when we're going up against the nuns for taking Savina. Judge Linden handed you Noah on a hunch, and she was right. Just tell her the truth," he said sincerely.

Before Olivia could say another word, the door to the room opened, and Judge Linden walked in, coffee cup in hand. "Sorry, I'm late. Olivia," she greeted, shaking the offered hands. "Mr. Lanagan. It's always a pleasure to see you both."

Olivia smiled at the Judge, who took her seat across from the duo, and looked up at them questioningly. "While it's always nice to see you, Olivia, but I'm afraid I don't know what's going on. All Mr. Lanagan said last night was that it was about a temporary custody order of a minor, who is currently the victim in one of your cases, and you're the custodian, along with ADA Barba," she summarized, and Olivia nodded, flinching slightly when Linden called Savina a victim.

"She also happens to be my daughter, your honor," Olivia added quietly, and Linden's eyebrows hit her hairline. She finally looked at the papers that Trevor had handed her when she first came in, and quickly read through them.

"She's your biological daughter?" she sought confirmation, and Olivia nodded. "But you're only requesting a temporary order?" she inquired in confusion. It made no sense to her.

"When I gave birth, I was told that my baby had died, and was even handed a dead infant by the nuns at the church. I only found out two days ago that she's alive and well, and that I was deceived. She's been in the foster system since she was four, when her adoptive parents died in a car accident. We found out when we ran her DNA through the system, and it came back with a familial match to me," Olivia recounted quickly, pausing when Trevor got up and handed the judge Savina's file.

"We are building a case against the nuns who deceived Lieutenant Benson, but in the meantime, she would like to spend time with her daughter, and help her recover from the horrific experience she endured. But without a custody order, any time she spends with her, defense can use to throw suspicion on their testimonies," Trevor elaborated.

Linden looked between the two of them, and then at the file in her hand. "You didn't approve this adoption?" she pressed, and Olivia shook her head. "I never wanted to give her away," she choked out, her voice catching slightly at the end.

"Detective Carisi is working on proving that Lieutenant Benson never wanted to give the baby away," Trevor interjected.

The judge shook her head in sadness. "And the nuns? Where are they?" she asked.

"They're on a mission in Guatemala!" Olivia almost growled.

Linden nodded. "Very well, I see no reason why she can't be released into your custody temporarily until this entire mess is sorted out," she sighed sadly, as she signed the papers, and handed them to Olivia. "I couldn't think of a better mother for her, Olivia. I simply wish it was under different circumstances," she added, as she got to her feet and shook Olivia's hand.

"Me too. Thank you, your honor."

* * *

Savina's head throbbed slightly as she started to come to, she heard the beeping of the heart monitor she was connected to, felt the catheter in her arm, and it didn't take long before her throbbing ribs made themselves known. They had changed her dressings the night before, so the various burns and cuts on her body were numb for the moment. Small mercies, you can call it. But her fingers felt numb, they were fisted around something, and she could feel something running against the inside of her arm. It was a repetitive motion, up and down, up and down. Rhythmic, slow, calming…Rafael. She had a nightmare, he was there, and he promised to stay with her…..and he kept his word.

She slowly pried her eyes open, thankful that the florescent light over her bed was not lit. The only light streaming into the room, was the one coming from the bustling hallway. Her eyes quickly found Rafael sitting in a chair by her side, her arm resting in his palm. That rhythmic movement she felt was his thumb softly moving over the inside of her arm, as her own fingers tightly clutched the soft wool material of his sweater. He had his phone in his other hand, his eyes glued to the screen, and his entire focus on it, that he didn't realize that she had awoken, until she unclenched her fingers from around his sleeve.

He smiled softly at her, his eyes reassuring, but still slightly haunted. "Hey."

She swallowed, her mouth felt dry, and she was still trying to figure out how long she's been asleep. But to her surprise, she was totally at ease with waking up, and finding him there. It even made her feel safe, protected…..wanted.

"Hey," she greeted. "How long have I been out?" she asked.

"About four hours," he replied. She could tell he was glad that she was able to rest for that long without a nightmare. "You jerked a few times in your sleep, but when I called your name, you settled down again, so I figured it'd be best if I don't wake you and let you get some sleep," he told her, and she nodded.

"Thank you, I don't remember any of that. I only remember the nightmare that you woke me up from," she alluded coyly and he smiled.

"I told you I'm not going anywhere," he repeated his earlier statement, and she nodded. "That's the longest sleep I've had in quite some time," she confessed, and his heart wrenched. He knew that she wasn't just talking about the events of the past week, he knew that this declaration meant so much more.

"Things will be different," he stated. "Your mother met with the judge this morning, and she signed the order. Carisi is working on building a case against the nuns," he listed. "You're not alone anymore, and whoever did this managed to piss off the NYPD and the DA's office with a single blow. And trust me, we take care of our own."

She didn't know what it was, she was not someone to trust easily, to take someone's word to mean anything. But ever since this whole thing started, she found herself believing them, trusting them. She wasn't ready to admit it to herself, but it felt good to have them around her.

She nodded at him, smiling when she saw a little bit of happiness creep into his eyes when he saw that she believed his words. She opened her mouth to talk, when the door swung open, and an exhausted looking, and slightly panicking Olivia barged through the doors. She seemed to calm down a bit at the sight of an awake Savina, but her breathing was still a bit shallow.

"Liv, everything alright?" Barba asked in concern.

"You didn't answer your phone," she breathed, the panic still slightly audible.

Barba looked at the phone he had discarded onto the bedside table when Savina woke up, and saw the missed call notifications. "I'm sorry, I turned off the ringer when she fell asleep, and I forgot it was off," he soothed, abandoning his seat by Savina's bed, and moving closer to her. He softly kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry, sweetheart." He knew that it wasn't really about the phone, that her mind had probably conjured up insane scenarios as to why he wasn't picking up. And taking the last two days into account, he wasn't sure he wouldn't have done the same if the situation was reversed.

She nodded slowly, offering him a small smile when he pulled back and looked at her, his hands moving up and down her arms to calm her, and only then did she realize that she was trembling slightly. She dropped her purse onto the chair by the door, before she made her way over to the bed.

"Hey," she greeted. "Sorry about barging in like that."

Savina smiled reassuringly. "It's alright, you got worried. No one can blame you for that."

Olivia smiled genuinely at her, as she slowly sat down on the bed next to her. Her eyes held Savina's gauging her reaction, but she merely smiled at her.

"Sorry I was late," she apologized. "I was meeting with the judge, and then I….uh….went to the cemetery," she stammered, and Savina frowned. "Why?"

"Well, Carisi spoke to the nurse who checked you out the day you were born, and she said that there was another woman who was pregnant at the same time I was, whom she believed was an escort," she explained hastily, and Savina nodded in understanding, her eyes softening. "You don't have to do all of that," she whispered.

Olivia's heart wrenched at the way she sounded; like she wasn't worth all that. She leaned forward, moving a little closer to her, and softly cupping her cheek. "They took you away," she retorted gently. "They told me you died. You went through a lot of unnecessary hardships because of them. So I know I don't have to do this, but I want to. They don't just get away with this."

"Did you get a match?" Barba asked, and she shook her head.

"Not yet. Melinda did a full autopsy to find cause of death, and then sent her DNA to the lab. They're running it, but we haven't found anything yet."

"Well, the nurse could be wrong," Barba pointed out, and Olivia shook her head.

"Not according to Melinda. She said the baby was malnourished, and had all the signs you usually find in infants born to working girls," Olivia shot back gently.

"Where is the baby now?" Savina asked, and Olivia swallowed down the tears. "I buried her again. She may not be mine, but that doesn't mean, that I will just throw her away."

"She's lucky to have you," Savina whispered softly, and Olivia's breath hitched in her throat.

Olivia opened her mouth to talk, when a knock at the door stopped her. Barba – who was leaning against the door – pulled it open, revealing a zombie-looking Fin. "Hey man," he greeted.

"Savina, this is Detective Tutuola. He's been my partner and friend for nearly sixteen years," Olivia introduced, and Fin smiled fondly. He took Savina's offered hand. "Call me Fin."

"Nice to meet you."

"Likewise. I'm glad you're alive," he deadpanned, and she laughed – genuinely – her hand moving to hold her ribs. Fin grinned broadly when she couldn't seem to stop the laughing. "There's a sentence you never thought you'd say!" she quipped.

"And considering what I do, that's saying something!"

"Sonny was right! You guys are not your usual cops," she stated, and Fin smiled. "I like that," she added.

"Well, unfortunately, I'm here on business. We'll get plenty of times to get to know each other later," he declared, and she nodded in understanding. "I was hoping you'd be up to looking at a few pictures, see if you recognize anyone," he informed her, as he handed her the tablet.

"No problem, but like I told Sargent Rollins, I didn't see her face," she shot back gently, as she looked through the picture.

"We know, but maybe you saw someone lurking around you before you were taken," he suggested, and she shook her head.

"Sorry, none of those look familiar," she apologized, as she handed him the tablet back.

To all of their surprise, the door opened once more, and none other than Diana came in. Savina immediately scowled at her, and opened her mouth to bite her head off, when Diana put her hand up in surrender. "It's lunchtime, Mom was the one who brought me here to give you this," she explained hastily, handing Savina a closed container. Savina's entire face lit up once she popped open the lid, and peeked inside. "Tiramisu!" she squealed in delight.

Diana chuckled. "She knows how much you love her tiramisu, so she made you some."

"She's downstairs?" Savina wondered, and Diana nodded. "She and Sam are waiting for me."

Savina opened her mouth to speak, but Diana beat her to the punch. "I know. You appreciate the gesture, you would love to see them, but you're not ready. They know, and they just want you to know that they are there."

"Thanks, Di."

"Anytime," her voice trailed off slightly at the end, as she craned her neck to get a better look at the picture that was still displayed on the tablet in Fin's hand. "Can I see that?" she asked, pointing to the tablet, and Fin wordlessly gave it to her.

"I know this woman!" she declared.


	16. Chapter 16

Various exclamations sounded around the room, from 'what' to 'excuse me' were chorused by all four occupants of the room. Diana – who was still studying the picture – looked up, and saw them looking at her expectantly.

"Yeah, a couple of weeks ago…." She trailed off. "It was your birthday actually, I was on the phone with Eddie, and saw her talking to Sam."

"Are you sure it's her?" Barba asked eagerly. This could just be the break they need.

"Pretty sure, but Sam was the one talking to her. He's downstairs with my Mom, if you wanna double check."

"Yeah, that would be great," Fin affirmed, and she nodded, turning her attention back to Savina.

"I will see you Friday, and Dr. Thompson said that hopefully by then you'll be good enough to catch up on some school work, so if he does, you'll have about two weeks' worth of crap to go through!" she quipped, and Savina wasn't sure if she should be groaning or laughing!

"What did the board say?" Savina wondered.

"They're still in the meeting," she replied, then noticing the apprehensive look on Savina's face, she added. "Don't worry, I don't think my dad will let them kick you out."

Savina opened her mouth to argue, when Barba cut in. "Savina, I told you not to worry about this. We'll handle it."

"I'm with him on this. Stop worrying about things, and just focus on staying within the land of the living. Accept help for a change!" Diana teased, smiling cheekily at Savina's glare, before she followed Fin out of the room to go talk to Sam.

Savina threw her head back into the pillow, a half-frustrated sigh escaping her. "She's like a dog with a bone!"

"She's looking out for you," Olivia pointed out softly.

Savina sighed. "I know, but she's already done so much, and I don't want her to think I'm just using her for my own personal gain," she retorted in frustration.

"I don't think she looks at it that way at all. She really cares about you," Olivia shot back gently, her hand once more cupping Savina's cheek gently, the pad of her thumb gently caressing it. She was glad when Savina didn't shy away or stiffen at the gesture, she saw the defenses go up slightly in her eyes, her expression suddenly changing from frustrated to guarded, but she didn't pull away. And to Olivia….that was progress.

Just then, Barba's phone buzzed and both women turned their attention back to him. He quickly read over the text, and Olivia saw his eyes light up for the first time since that cheerful Saturday morning. Except maybe the slight glimpse of happiness she saw in his eyes when she agreed to move in with him.

"Fin says Sam identified her, said she came up and asked about scholarships; if they had any, the rules, and stuff like that," he spoke quickly, the relief evident in his voice. "She didn't mention Savina by name, but he said she was close enough to hear Diana's conversation with Eddie, so she must've heard her name a bunch of times."

"Is  _that_ enough for a warrant?" Olivia asked hopefully.

Barba finally looked up from his phone, and saw two identical sets of hopeful looks. Strangely enough, more so in Olivia's than Savina's. He moved closer to the bed, knowing that his next words were not what either of them wanted to hear. And as much as he hated saying them, he had to look at the big picture. He may not like Dodds very much, but he was right. This case had to be done by the book, to the letter.

"The entire Manhattan Judicial System is on our side, if I put a warrant in front of any judge, he  _will_ sign it without blinking an eye," he started, his voice thick with both pain and sincerity alike.

"But it can be easily challenged in court, and all the evidence will be thrown out!" Olivia finished for him, and he nodded regretfully at her.

"So she'll get away with this?" Savina whispered brokenly.

"Over my dead body!" Barba growled darkly, as he bent down to catch Savina's gaze, which had fallen to her lap. "The only reason I don't want to issue a warrant based on circumstantial evidence is to make sure she doesn't get away with this. We need to do this right. I'm not going to give the defense any chance to argue prejudice on our side, and get anything thrown out," he assured her, his voice strong, and his resolve to get Freed evident. "I will get her, I promise."

Savina's eyes moved between his for a few seconds, searching for lies, deceit, a hidden agenda, ulterior motives…..anything to prove that they couldn't possibly be doing this for her sake, anything to justify the voice in the back of her head that kept telling her not to fall for false promises. But to her pleasant surprise, she found none. She saw sincerity, stubbornness, a need to protect, dead-fast conviction to get the woman responsible. She saw warmth, love, compassion, and a silent promise. She saw all the things she had longed dreamed of, but could never bring herself to believe will ever have.

Despite all the small voices inside her that screamed at her, she found hope blossoming in her chest, and she slowly nodded. He nodded, smiling softly when he saw the belief in her eyes. She swallowed heavily, and ran a hand through her hair.

"Then what are we going to do? I didn't see her face, I can't pick her out of a line up!" she pointed out.

"There's still one lead left, Rollins is chasing it down. If it pays off, it'll be all the evidence we need."

"What lead?" Olivia wondered.

He looked at her incredulously. "Nice try!" he shot back disapprovingly.

Olivia opened her mouth to retort, when a soft knock stopped her. Barba turned away from them, and pulled the door open.

"Eddie," he exclaimed happily, smiling genuinely at the sight of his childhood friend.

"Hermano," Eddie greeted fondly, as he stepped into the room. He smiled politely at Olivia. "Lieutenant."

Olivia smiled back at him. "Please, Eddie, Olivia," she corrected gently, and he smiled at her, before bending down to press a kiss to the top of Savina's head. "Hola, Cariño."

"Hey, Eddie. How's Danny?"

"His fever is finally down, but he's home with my mom. I didn't wanna risk sending him to school, he's still a bit groggy on his feet," he said, exhaustion lacing every word. "I went to check on him during my lunch break, and figured I'd swing by and see how you're doing."

She smiled appreciatively at him, narrowing her eyes slightly at him when she saw him studying her. "What?" she asked.

"This looks good on you."

She arched an eyebrow up at him in confusion. "What? The hospital?" she quipped.

He slapped her playfully on the thigh, and laughed. "No, family!" he said, his face going serious once more, but his eyes were still soft.

She smiled shyly at him, a soft shade of pink painted her cheeks, and she averted her gaze.

"I know you're not used to this, and God knows you still doubt our feelings for you! But I know these two, and trust me when I tell you, they're not going anywhere. I know it'll take time, but don't try to resist it. You used to take Rafi's side all the time, and you didn't even know him. Don't stop now!" he quipped, and Barba's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"What do you mean take my side?" he wondered, and Eddie grinned at him.

"She called you Harvard," he teased, smiling cheekily at Savina's glare. "She actually reminded me of you, her quick wit, sharp mouth and sass were a dead ringer for you as a teenager! And when she took your side during the whole Alex fiasco, it sealed the deal. I started calling her Harvard Jr. after that."

Barba couldn't help but smile proudly at Savina, his mind wandering to thoughts of what life would have been like if he had met Olivia at the beginning of his career. What it would've been like for them to raise Savina together. He knew the girl's biological father, and knew that she did not get any of the attributes Eddie just mentioned from him. She was the spitting image of Olivia, and it seemed that she was like her in personality a lot as well. It warmed his heart to know that despite the fact that she was not biologically his, nor did she grow up with him, but that she apparently opted to use the same defense mechanisms he did as a child, and it had turned her into a mini him. He and Eddie have been friends since they were seven, so if Eddie said she was a dead ringer for him, then she was.

"Danny keeps asking about you, and I'm not sure what to tell him," Eddie remarked, and Savina sighed sadly. "Just tell him I'm sick. He knows the Solearnos don't let me have any visitors, and it will explain why I'm not going to the center."

"Except that's the excuse I used last week, so if I use it now, he'll either get suspicious, or worried."

"Why not just tell him the truth?" Olivia interjected.

"He thinks his mother died, so he freaks out every time someone he cares about gets admitted to the hospital," Savina explained.

"You told him his mother died?" Barba asked in surprise.

"Thank you!" Savina cried triumphantly.

"Hey, you two do not get to gang up on me!" Eddie protested, chuckling when identical sets of scowls were sent his way. Ironically enough, Savina reminded him more of his oldest friend, than of Olivia. But he didn't really know her all that well.

"He was three when she left, how do you tell a three year-old something like that?" he inquired, and Savina shook her head sadly.

"What the hell were you thinking with that woman!" she groaned, throwing her head back into the pillow.

"I think we already established that the only person I was right about is Rafi," he deadpanned, and she laughed, craning her neck slightly to look at him. "Except for you!" he added, and she smiled.

"I guess we'll see about that," she commented, and he shook his head adamantly. He moved closer to her, and gently cupped her cheek. "You're going to get through this, you'll finally get the life you deserve. Whoever did this will be caught, and I know for a fact that Rafi will fry her! I know your mother wont rest until she's caught. Trust me, she arrested me once," he reminded her, and she smiled. "You're not on your own anymore, and none of us are going anywhere. She can't take that away, and you were never really a people pleaser, so don't you dare start now!" he stated adamantly, and she nodded.

"I'll do my best," she replied honestly, and he nodded.

Both Barba and Olivia had tears in their eyes by the end of Eddie's speech; they were both happy to see how close Eddie and Savina seemed to be, but the doubt in Savina's eyes caused their hearts to ache. It infuriated them both; they knew that her distrust of others stemmed from growing up in foster care, from the horrors she witnessed as a child, and the scum she surely dealt with up to this point. And it made their blood boil because they knew it was all unnecessary...and easily avoided. If only the nuns had left her where she belonged.

"How about I get us all some lunch?" Barba suggested after a moment of silence.

"I actually have to get back to work," Eddie replied, giving Savina one final reassuring smile before he got to his feet. "But she usually can't resist Italian anything," he added, pointing at Savina.

"Alright, I know a great place a couple of blocks from here. I'll call in the orders, and go pick them up. Any special requests?" Barba asked, and both women shook their heads. He looked at Eddie for help, he knew even if Savina did have something in mind, she won't vocalize it.

"Anything with pasta or chicken," came the simple answer. Barba waited till Eddie kissed Savina's cheek goodbye, and they both made their way out of the room. Savina watched them as they amicably talked to each other, as they walked towards the elevator, before she turned her attention back to Olivia.

"He really loves you," she stated matter of factly, and Olivia smiled at her.

"Took me a while to believe it, but yeah he does."

"Why? A blind man can see that he's head over heels for you!"

Olivia chuckled, remembering all the different comments people had once they disclosed. It varied from 'I knew it', to 'Finally', to people demanding their win in a long-standing bet!

"I don't have the best track record when it comes to dating or relationships, so I guess I was afraid I was merely seeing what I wanted to see," she said honestly.

"Yeah, Lucia said you two worked together for three years before you finally got together."

"We didn't just work together, we grew close quickly. We understood each other, and even though I didn't think he had any feelings for me, I knew I could always depend on him. I knew that he will always have my back. So when I finally admitted to myself that I have feelings for him, I was too afraid to risk it, and end up losing him all together," she confessed, and Savina nodded.

"I'm just glad you finally went for it, you two deserve to be happy."

Olivia's heart lunged in her chest, she couldn't believe that despite everything she faced, Savina still managed to keep a pure heart. It made her ache even more for all the lost years, for all the suffering she went through, for the hell that she had just witnessed. She didn't deserve any of it. She moved closer to her on the bed, put her hand on the other side of Savina's body to support her weight, while the other hand softly stroked her hair, pushing a few strands out of her eyes.

"So do you, sweetheart. And I promise you, I'll do whatever it takes to make it all up to you. We both will."

Savina smiled tearfully at her, her haunted brown eyes held the identical pair that belonged to her mother. It felt weird, she had long given up on ever finding a family. She hadn't thought about tracking down her biological mother once she heard the story of her abandonment. She had stopped herself from ever getting attached to a foster family, stopped herself from getting comfortable anywhere. Refused to accept help, or allow herself to believe that someone would do something for her simply because they wanted to, or simply because they cared about her. It took her almost a year to believe that Diana was not hanging out with her out of pity. And the only reason she trusted Sam and Demetri was because Diana had vouched for them, and even then it still took time for her to trust them fully.

But there she was, propped up in a hospital bed with her mother sitting right next to her, looking at her warmly, and vowing to try and take it all away. She wanted to run away, retreat into the shell she had spent years perfecting to shield her from the real world, from any pain anyone could inflict on her. All the demons she spent years harboring and nurturing were screaming at her that it was a bad idea, that it will end badly, and will cause her more pain than she could bare. She had believed Barba's words earlier, but that was only because she couldn't think of any reason – logical, or otherwise – for him to lie. It was his job to put criminals away, so he was simply promising her to do his job to the fullest. But this was different, she was supposed to believe that things will finally go right in her life. And experience had taught her that it never ends well…hope always ends up crashing and burning.

But something in her voice, in the way she was looking at her, her touch, the way she draped her body protectively over hers, the fact that she kept coming in day after day made the tiny inkling of hope that blossomed earlier grow. She nodded almost reluctantly at Olivia, reaching up and taking Olivia's hand into hers, and squeezing it gently.

"I just need some time," she whispered.

"Take all the time you need. Like Eddie said, we're not going anywhere, and no one is gonna force you to do anything you're not comfortable with. Just know that you're not alone anymore."

* * *

By the time Barba made it back from the restaurant, it was almost two in the afternoon. He had already spoke to his mother, and updated her on how everything went. She promised him that she will swing by after work to check in on Savina, and swatted down any attempts at protesting. He had his phone pressed to his ear, as he made his way down the hall towards Savina's room. He was talking to Lucy to get an update on Noah, as he rounded the corner. He frowned when he saw Olivia standing outside the room, her back leaning against the window that looked into Savina's room, her head bowed, as she seemingly stared at an invisible spot on the floor. The blinds were closed, and the officer seemed to be nowhere. His stomach dropped, and he could feel himself on the verge of a panic attack. His caffeine-fueled brain conjuring up every dark scenario as to what could've happened in the two hours he'd been gone. He hurriedly ended the call with Lucy, and picked up his pace, his worry increasing when she seemed totally oblivious to the sound of his footsteps.

"Liv," he called worriedly, and she finally looked up. "What are you doing out here? Where's Officer Gonzalez? Why are the blinds closed?" he fired off the questions without waiting for a reply.

She held up her hands to calm him. "The nurse is changing the dressings, and Gonzalez is simply taking a short break to get some coffee since I'm out here anyways."

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and dropped the take-out bags onto the vacant seat. He saw the ghost of an all too familiar pain swirling in her eyes, as well as pain from fresh wounds. He stepped closer to her, put both her hands on her arms, and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. Her hands immediately fisted around the front of his coat, and she sighed, leaning heavily into the kiss.

"I didn't know if I should stay or leave, and I didn't want to push her into anything, or patronize her…..I…..I….." she stammered, her voice barely audible, as she now rested her head back onto the glass. His hands were still on her arms, now moving rhythmically up and down to sooth her.

"She knows, Liv. This is unfamiliar territory for both of you….heck, for all of us. There is no rulebook, or guidelines on how to handle something like this. It's all trial and error."

She opened her mouth to point out that Savina already went through too much to allow any room for error, when the door swung open and the nurse popped her head out. "We're all done, if you wanna come back in."

Olivia didn't need to be told twice, she immediately went into the room. Barba grabbed the takeout bag from the chair, and made sure to leave the Officer his meal, before he followed her inside.

Olivia's heart broke when she saw the unshed tears in Savina's eyes, the way her jaws clenched in an effort to stop the tears from falling. She had seen the look in her eyes when the nurse came in to change the dressings. She saw how scared she was, how angry, how much she hated the situation, but was too stubborn to show it. The look in her eyes reminded Olivia that despite all that bravado, she was nothing more than just a terrified little girl. One who found herself in a horrible situation, one that she did not know how to handle. She made her way over to her, and wordlessly lowered herself onto the bed next to Savina, placing a hand over the one that was still clenched tightly around the sheets. She rubbed her finger over the white knuckles until they let go, and she gently took the hand into her own. The look in Savina's eyes broke her heart; she was desperate to understand the situation, silently pleading with her to give her an answer that would comfort her. And as much as Olivia desperately wanted to take it all away, she knew that anything she'll say right now will sound like a cheesy cliché, and won't really do much. She used her free hand to gently cup her cheek, and just smiled reassuringly at her.

"I know." Was all she said, the pad of her thumb softly caressing her cheek.

Barba could only look on sadly at the interaction, his always too-smart-for-his-own-good brain decided to fail him now for the first time. Savina's hair was wet, so he figured that she must've showered. He smiled politely at the nurse once she was done gathering her stuff, and was taking her leave, thanking her softly as she pulled the door closed behind her. The blinds were still closed, so it gave the small family the privacy they needed.

Savina and Olivia held each other's gazes for a few moments, while Savina recovered, before her brain finally caught up to the fact that Barba was there as well. She tore her eyes away from her mother's, and looked over at Barba. He saw a hint of surprise fleetingly appear in her eyes, which he thought was a bit odd. But before he could ask her about it, she spoke first.

"Smells delicious," she commented sincerely, and he conceded to the subject change. He hadn't told Olivia yet, but he placed a call to Dr. Lindstrom asking him for advice about the situation. Lindstrom, of course, insisted that he can't give any professional opinion without meeting Savina herself, but had one advice; he told Barba to not only take Savina at her own pace, but to let her lead. That at this moment in time, if she avoids any serious talk, they should let her. So despite his confusion at the surprise in her eyes, when she steered the conversation away from the grim situation they found themselves thrust into, he let her.

Olivia shifted slightly on the bed to allow room for the pull-out table, and helped Barba open the various containers, and rip open the plastic securing the various lids. Olivia was worried that Savina may have lost her appetite after what just happened, but it seemed that the smell of the food placed in front of her superseded any appetite suppression she may have felt.

Barba smiled softly when he saw her eyes light up ever so slightly at the sight of the chicken and pasta dish he chose for her. He pulled the chair to the bed, and all three dug into their meals.

"Lucy called, she should be at Bella's any minute. I'll get Noah on my way home, and she said she was free for the rest of the week, so we don't have to worry," Barba told Olivia, after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"Yeah, Bella called and asked if spaghetti and meat balls were still Noah's favorite," she stated, and Barba smiled.

"How's the pasta?" he inquired, and Savina smiled.

"Absolutely perfect. Thanks." She said sincerely, and his face broke in the first genuine grin of the day.

"This is where I took her on our first date," he remarked off-handedly. "Basically had to drag her inside!" he teased, and Olivia rolled her eyes at him.

"Only because I was in jeans!" she defended, smiling when she saw Savina chuckling. "And this is one of the most upscale restaurants in town!"

"You wore jeans on your first date?" she tantalized jokingly.

"In my defense, I didn't even know it  _was_  a date! It was a Sunday afternoon, and he suggested, that the three of us go out to dinner. 'Nothing fancy' he said!" Olivia recounted.

"I guess we have to visit your definition of 'fancy!'" Savina quipped.

"Well, I don't have the best track record when it comes to relationships, so I wanted a relaxed evening without any pressure," Barba relented.

"Now, where did I hear that one before?" Savina alluded, looking pointedly at Olivia.

Olivia laughed – genuinely laughed – her eyes dancing slightly at how marvelous it felt hearing Savina tease her like that. "Yes, I admit. We're both social retards when it comes to dating!" she confessed.

"Well, it all worked out for the best," Savina pointed out.

"True. But many people lost money on us!" Olivia shot back, and Barba nearly spit out his food.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Apparently, there were bets on the two of us getting together!" she informed him, guiltlessly enjoying the truly shocked expression he wore.

"Please tell me you're kidding!" he begged. She merely laughed, her shoulders shaking softly, as she shook her head from side to side.

"Great!" he groaned.

"Who won?" Savina asked.

Barba gave her a look of faux disapproval. "You're enjoying this aren't you?"

"Oh, yes. Immensely!" she grinned unrepentantly.

"Fin was the closest guess," Olivia told her.

"You said you two have been partners for sixteen years, did you move together from precinct to precinct?" Savina wondered.

"No, I've been in SVU for seventeen years, and he started a year after I did," Olivia corrected.

"You've been doing this for seventeen years?" Savina asked in both disbelief and amazement. Olivia nodded, trying her best not to let the toll it had taken on her show.

"That's quite impressive," Savina said in awe. Olivia's heart fluttered at the hint of pride and admiration she heard in her voice. After all, she had been the reason why she stayed in SVU for almost two decades. All those pedophiles, child molesters, rapists that she put away, she did for her. She was trying to make the world as safe as possible for a child to grow up in it unharmed. She wasn't delusional, but she wanted to give it her best shot. For her little girl.

She snapped out of her own thoughts when a knock came, and Barba's voice reached her ear as he ushered whoever it was inside. The door opened to reveal a very exhausted looking Amanda, but Olivia was surprised to see the gleam of happiness and hope in her eyes. She knew how to read the blonde well, she came baring good news.

"Hey. Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt," she apologized once she saw the food spread out.

"Not at all. Grab a chair," Barba urged, but she shook her head.

"No, thanks. I'm not hungry."

"You look like you have news," Olivia remarked, and Amanda nodded.

"Yeah, and I think this is just the break we need."


	17. Chapter 17

Barba's eyes immediately lit up at Amanda's words. "Your hunch paid off?"

"Oh, yes."

"What hunch?" Olivia wondered.

"I'll explain in a minute," Amanda replied, before turning to Savina. "You said you can identify her voice?"

Savina stared at her for a couple of seconds, swallowing the food in her mouth audibly, before she put the plate back onto the tray. Barba and Olivia both took her lead, and replaced their foil plates. Barba quickly packed up the food, and moved it over to the small coffee table in the corner. He doubted any of them would have the appetite to eat after this.

"Yeah, I can," Savina almost whispered, her eyes now finding the tablet in Amanda's hands, as well as the blindfold.

"I know it's hard," Amanda started, slowly approaching the bed, while Barba made his way around it, to stand behind Olivia. "But I need you to try and see if you can pick her out, if she's one of these voices at all."

Savina nodded reluctantly, her right hand slowly rising from the bed. "And you need to put me in the same mental state that I was in, blindfolded with no one close," she finished Amanda's unsaid sentence, and the blonde nodded regretfully.

Barba basically pulled Olivia off the bed, and away from the bed. Ironically, they stood in the same spot they were in the day before, when they both watched in horror as the doctors frantically tried to get Savina's heart to beat again. They watched as Amanda handed her the fold, and Savina swiftly tied it around her eyes. They immediately noticed the change in her demeanor; her face tensed, her jaws clenching, and her hands reflexively fisting and unfisting repeatedly. Barba wrapped his arms around Olivia's shoulders, and pulled her flush against him. He could feel her shaking, but didn't want to make any sound to help Savina get in the mindset, so they can get this over with as soon as possible.

Amanda opened the tablet, and one by one, different voices filled the otherwise quiet room. The blinds were still closed, so it isolated any ambient movements, or noises. The only sound was Savina's as she told Amanda to go from one audio to the other.

Barba recognized some of the voices that came on, Amanda hadn't just included voices of women, and she had a couple of men as well. He recognized the doctor's voice, the one who treated Lewis, as she listed his injuries; he heard Amanda's voice listing them, Fin's, even Lewis's as he detailed his own injuries. He tightened his arms around Olivia when she flinched at the sound of his voice, and murmured kisses into her hair. But then Freed's voice filled the room, and he knew Olivia recognized it, because she stopped breathing all together. He watched Savina's reaction closely, and realized that she too recognized the voice.

Her eyebrows furrowed slightly, her head turning towards the sound a little, and her hands fisted angrily around the sheets at her side. She started to heave, her breaths coming out short and shallow, and in less than a second she was gasping, as she shook her head. He let go of Olivia the second she squirmed, and she bolted to her side, just as Savina yanked the blindfold off her face, screaming 'no', in the process. Olivia dove onto the bed, and pulled Savina into her, and to his surprise, Savina actually balled up against Olivia, her head buried in her mother's chest, her hands now fisting around the front of her top.

Amanda had switched off the audio, and the room fell silent. Save for the sound of the agonizing, muffled sobs that were escaping Savina, her entire body shaking in Olivia's tightly wound arms. Diana was right, she acted tough and like she had everything under control, but something tipped her over the edge, and it all suddenly came crashing down on her.

Barba and Amanda both stood by the bed, watching silently as Olivia held Savina, silent tears making their way down her cheeks, and damping the top of Savina's head, where she had her mouth buried. She didn't try to calm her, didn't try to get her to stop crying, or even say anything. She just held her tightly, one hand cradling her head against her chest, as she murmured kisses into her hair.

"It's her," Savina gasped, her voice so broken and vulnerable, that it reminded them that under all the bravado, she was nothing more than a scared little girl. They had already guessed by her reaction that she recognized the voice, but unfortunately, they had to hear her say it, and she did.

That got them to spring into action. Olivia's haunted gaze found Barba, who was afraid to talk, so that his voice doesn't betray him. But he realized that he had to say something, even Amanda was waiting for him.

"I'll get the subpoena," was all he could think of, before he and Amanda left the room, leaving behind a still sobbing Savina, and an agonized Olivia.

* * *

An hour later, Savina had finally calmed down. Well, as calmed down as anyone in her situation could get. Her agonizing sobs had turned into occasional sobs, she'd stopped shaking, but she was still curled up in Olivia's arms. To both their surprise. Olivia was still running her fingers through her hair, with the occasional kiss to the top of her head. She thought she had fallen asleep, wished she had. But when she sighed deeply, and slightly pulled back from their embrace, it became clear that she hadn't. To Olivia's pleasant surprise, she pulled back slightly, but didn't quite break out of her hold. Olivia kept one arm under her head, while she used her free hand to wipe away the tear tracks on her face.

"Did they find her?" her voice was hoarse, and barely audible. Her eyes were red, and almost empty. It killed Olivia seeing her like this, almost as if she had given up the fight all together. She was exhausted, she knew, but she also knew that the battle had truly just begun. She had told victims thousands of times before, even Dr. Lindstrom himself had told her; you survived the assault, you can survive the recovery.

She didn't know what to tell her, they hadn't found her. Fin and Amanda had already searched her apartment, and Carisi had went to her work, but they didn't find her, and found nothing that can point them to where she could be hiding. Barba was hauled-up in his office issuing one subpoena after the other for them; for her financials, for the receipt from that tool shop near the old slaughter house. They checked with TSA, train and bus stations, and found no tickets in her name, or for anyone fitting her description. They were still digging into her life, but so far, were coming up empty. But she knew that lying to her won't help.

"No, not yet. She wasn't at home, and they're still looking for her," she answered softly, her heart breaking when Savina closed her eyes, as more tears escaped past her closed eyelids.

"This is never going to end," she mumbled dejectedly.

"Yes, it will. I know it seems like it won't. Trust me, I know. But it will," Olivia guaranteed.

"She's there every time I close my eyes," she confessed. "A blurry figure with a mask hovering over me, or a distant voice in an endless see of black. If I fall asleep, I'm back on that metal bed, the wires cutting into my wrists," she continued, her eyes finally fluttering open, and meeting the equally haunted ones of her mothers. Olivia immediately saw the guilt swirling in them, and it made her heart ache knowing that Savina was more worried about her than her own wellbeing.

"Sweetheart, I told you before. No one knows what you're going through better than me, don't shut me out," she pleaded gently, the pad of her thumb moving gently over her cheek.

Savina scoffed bitterly. "I told you that I didn't want to re-open old wounds, and then I turn out to be your daughter. It's like the worst scenario of ghosts of Christmas past."

Under any circumstances, that comment might have stung, but the pain in her voice made Olivia realize that she genuinely felt guilty for the toll this was taking on Olivia. She moved closer to her on the bed, and used her hand to gently tilt her head to catch her eyes.

They were identical to hers, a fact that she was still not used to. It pained her that the mirroring was not just abstract, was not just in their shape, but also in their contents. She saw the same ghosts, same pain, same walls, similar wounds and identical pleas…..pleas to whatever higher power that controlled this situation to put an end to it…..pleas for salvation.

"I've spent years dreaming of meeting you, I went to your grave every year on your birthday, and tried to imagine what you would look like. I never thought it could ever be possible, and I wish with all my heart that the circumstances were different. But I would never regret finding out that you're mine."

"Does it ever stop?" she whispered.

"Yes, but it takes time. And at first, you'll think you're fine, but then something will happen, and it will all come back. Just don't fight whatever it is you're feeling, don't try to convince yourself that you should be feeling something else. Whatever it is, it's okay. We all react in different ways, there is no one right way," she replied. "But you can't do this on your own, you need to talk to someone about it."

Savina shook her head. "I'm not really good at talking about how I feel," she told her.

"I know, neither was I."

"You saw someone?" Savina asked, half shocked, half curious.

"Yeah, a therapist, Dr. Lindstrom. He's been working with SVU for years, and he helped me," Olivia alluded.

"I don't think I'm ready for that yet," Savina retorted truthfully.

"I understand, take your time. And whenever you are, he's just a phone call away," Olivia assured her.

"Thank you," Savina whispered gratefully. "For everything," she added.

Olivia merely smiled lovingly at her, it still surprised her how easily she slipped into mother hen mode with Savina, but she guessed it was different when it's the child you've been mourning for nearly two decades.

"Do you wanna try and get some sleep?" Olivia suggested. Noting the slight hesitation on Savina's face, she added. "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

When Barba crept into the room in the evening on his way home, he never expected to be greeted with the sight before his eyes. Both Olivia and Savina were fast asleep on the bed, both on their sides, facing each other, with Savina snuggled up in Olivia's arms. He closed the door behind him, careful not to make a sound, and put his suitcase onto one of the chairs, before he made his way over to the bedside table on Olivia's side. He saw her phone next to her, and checked to see if it was switched off. He wanted to leave her a text, but didn't want to wake her. Seeing as it was off, he started to type the text as he made his way over to the door. He stopped dead in his tracks when he heard a soft whimper from the bed, and turned around in time to see Olivia jerk awake, when the second whimper – slightly louder than the first – woke her. Her eyes immediately landed on him, but only held his gaze for a second, before her attention was once again on the whimpering teenager in her arms.

"Shhhhhh, it's okay baby, you're safe," she cooed into her hair, as she tightened her arms around her. "You got out, she can't hurt you anymore," she continued whispering softly until Savina settled down once more.

She pressed a few kisses to the top of her head, as her fingers ran softly through her chocolate locks, before she raised her gaze to meet Barba's once more. "Hey," she whispered.

"Hey. How is she?" he asked quietly, as he made his way over to her side of the bed, and bent down to press a kiss to her head.

She shrugged, not entirely sure what to say, and he nodded in understanding. "Freed is still nowhere to be found, but we're not giving up, they're turning over every rock in New York until they do bring her in, but we can't seem to find any contacts or relatives whom she might be hiding with. We spoke to her mother and sister, both of whom claimed to not have seen her since after the Lewis trial when they realized that she was seeing him, and had actually developed feelings for him. I was on my way to pick up Noah from Bella's, and swung by to see if either of you needed anything."

She smiled at his thoughtfulness, especially when she noted the hand that was gently placed on Savina's back. "I was kinda hoping that at least one of us will be home before Noah's bedtime," she stated guiltily.

"You're not choosing one over the other, Liv," he shot back firmly. "She needs you more right now. I got Noah, he's my kid too. Don't worry about him," he added gently.

"I just don't ever want him to think that just because she's my blood, that she comes first, or that she has priority; they're both mine," she almost begged him to believe her, though she knew that he never doubted any of that.

"I know, mi amor, and so does he," he assured her. "I'll tell Tommy that he can start packing up your place, and Lucy can pack Noah's stuff. I know you're picky about your personal things, so when everything else is done, I'll take over here, and you can pack your stuff yourself," he suggested.

She mulled the idea over, on one hand, it would be better if she packed her clothes herself, that way when she tells Barba to bring something over from one of the boxes, she'll know which one. But on the other, she wasn't sure she'd have the heart to leave Savina.

Barba, noting her hesitance, amended his words. "How about we cross that bridge when we get to it?"

She nodded, before craning her neck and catching his lips in a chaste, quick kiss…..but a meaningful one nonetheless.

"I'll see you both tomorrow, text me when she's awake. And if you need anything, at any time, just call, okay?" he stressed.

"I will," she promised.

Once the door closed behind him, she turned her attention back to her still sleeping daughter. She looked small, vulnerable, and powerless curled up against her like that. She imagined thousands of nights where a younger version of her would've probably done the same when she fell sick, or because she was scared of the storm, or the monsters in her closet. She imagined sleepless nights with fevers and upset stomach; countless nights in the crib, just the two of them; running around the apartment in a desperate effort to get her into her clothes after a bath, like she does with Noah now; the bath water that always ended up half on her, and half on the floor; the birthdays, the laughs, the tears…everything they could've had, but was never even given the chance. She was sure that if she laid eyes on the nuns in this moment, that she would gladly strangle them both. They took her baby away from her, she had gone through terrible hardships because of what they did, unnecessary hardships. She lost her parents in a car accident, was placed in the foster system at the age of four, bounced around from one house to the other ever since, some of which were even abusive. And last, but most certainly not least, she was taken for four days, raped, and tortured. And no one even noticed.

She tightened her arms around her, pulling her further into her body, almost as if she was trying to shield her from many other cruelties the world still had to offer. She pressed her mouth into her hair once more, taking in the subtle smell of the shampoo from her earlier shower, and grateful that the Vodka smell was gone.

"I promise I won't be like her," she vowed, though she was not sure if that promise was to herself, or Savina.


	18. Chapter 18

It was close to midnight, and Savina was thankfully fast asleep against her. The nurses came in a few times to check on her, but when they found her asleep, they left her as it is, after taking a few notes for the file. Savina had whimpered a few times, but thankfully she was able to calm her before it turned into a full-out nightmare. She hadn't quite gone back to sleep after Barba left, she started getting updates from her team, as well as some whispered conversations with Tucker and Dodds. She had flat-out asked them both why they were asking her when she was off the case, but they reminded her that she was still the commanding officer. The first question they both asked as soon as she picked up, was why they were whispering. And after checking on Savina, they got updated on the progress. She also received a call – which she promptly ignored – from Savina's social worker. She was still beyond pissed at the woman, and didn't trust herself to keep her temper in check while talking to her. It was still too raw for her, too fresh, especially after today. She hated how helpless she felt, how useless. She didn't know what to say, because she remembered being in this situation, and the usual placards people fire off at you only served to piss her off. She gave her the assurance that it will pass, that things will get better, that she can take all the time she needed to recover…but she couldn't take away any of the pain.

Her heart broke with each sob, each shake. She couldn't stop her own tears from falling, and had only registered that she pulled her into her arms, when she felt the tears on her top. And for a split second, she was overjoyed at the feeling of finally having her baby in her arms. But then the sobs and tremors set in, as well as why she had her in her arms. She remembered how she felt every time she heard Lewis's voice, or saw his face this soon after the attack. How it brought back every single moment of those dreadful four days, every thing she felt, every sound, every scar and scream.

She looked down at her, a small smile lifting the corner of her lips when she saw her snuggled up against her. Her head was resting on Olivia's chest, nestled in the crook of her neck; her hands had released Olivia's top and were now tucked between their bodies; her knees were bent and resting against Olivia's thighs; her hair – now fully dry – was much lighter than Olivia's. Olivia still had one hand cradling her head against her chest, her fingers softly running through her hair, while the other one draped over body, occasionally rubbing her back soothingly. She noted – for the first time, she was ashamed to admit – how small she was. She was shorter than Olivia, significantly shorter, and a smaller frame than Olivia did at her age. The one thing she seemed to have passed on – aside from her eyes, and apparently the genetic disposition for a crappy childhood – were her curves. She was by no means thin, or petite.

Her phone buzzed once more, and she saw a text from the social worker. Trevor Lanagan had already told her that a copy of the temporary custody order was sent to social services, and that they were notified of the DNA match. He said the social worker looked quite shocked, and was stumbling over her words to justify her inadequacy. She suspected that Barba would probably dig up a way to make her pay for her part in all of this, and Trevor did confirm that she will probably be demoted or placed under probation for quite some time for this. She sighed in frustration as she quickly read the text, sneering at the screen when she saw the woman's feeble attempts at an apology, and an even worse attempt at a justification. She slammed the phone onto the bed behind Savina, and just rested her head on top of hers. She didn't know what came over her, but she started talking to her, pouring her heart out to her. Maybe it was the fact that she knew Savina couldn't hear her, maybe she was too exhausted to exercise any form of self-control at the moment – and honestly, refraining from killing the social worker and the nuns was exercise enough – but she found every thought that passed through her head since this whole mess started stumbling out of her mouth.

"I know I already told you this, but there was not a second that went by that I didn't think of you; what you look like, sound like, act like. Every year, you'd grow just a little in my imagination. Every time I went home to a dark apartment, I'd imagine the sound of scampering feet as you came running at me. How it would feel to hold you, to feel your weight on my chest as you slept. Even when I'd overhear a parent complaining about the endless arguments with their teenaged daughters..…I would've given up anything just for one. I hated when the Captain would send me home after a tough case, because I always went back to an empty apartment. Even if I was seeing someone, I always pictured you greeting me at the door. I didn't tell anybody about you, because I was afraid they'd take the pictures in my head away….force me to deal with it, and try to move on, and I just was never ready to let you go. I never regretted keeping you, not for a split second. When I saw that plus sign….it was the happiest moment of my life. A lot of women complain about the toll pregnancy takes on their bodies, and so did I. Especially towards the end when I couldn't find a comfortable position to sleep in, but it may have also had to do with my impatience to meet you. You used to kick a lot, usually during at night. And when you went on a kicking spree, the only thing that calmed you was if I sang. I honestly don't know how it calmed you, I could never carry a proper tune, but you seemed to like it. And everybody told me to wait until I have little elbows and knees poking into me…..but that never happened. I would've given up my soul if it meant having you back. I spent hours in the church holding the dead baby, and begging her to open her eyes. I never thought this was possible, and I wish with everything in me that it was under different circumstances. That you didn't have to go through what I did. Maybe if I hadn't lied about beating him up, she never would've gone after you. I wish I could undo all of this, take it all away, I wish she had taken me instead. When they first told me that you were mine…..for a split second….I was glad you didn't grow up with me….that you weren't in the apartment when Lewis attacked me, or he would've gotten you too. Maybe I should've killed him when I had the chance….no trial….no jury….no you."

Olivia's tears were running freely down her cheeks by the time she was done, and her voice had gone from a soft, soothing tone, to choked-up whispers and sobs. The last word was barely a tad over a whisper. It's true she regretted the series of events that led her to Savina, but she didn't regret Savina herself. She only wished the circumstances were different.

"I love you, baby," she whispered lovingly into her hair. "Always have, and always will," she vowed. She knew Savina was nowhere near ready to hear that, so she figured this was a good time.

She felt the bed vibrate slightly, and her hand immediately snacked the phone off, but Savina had already jerked in her arms. She looked down at her once more, and saw her eyes flutter open. Her eyes flicked over to the screen, and she saw Barba's name on it.

"Sorry about that," she apologized sincerely, instantly missing Savina when she rolled out of her arms onto her back.

"It's okay," Savina assured her, her voice slightly hoarse from sleep. She quickly answered before it went to voicemail, and Barba freaked out. She had moved to sit up, to give Savina more room on the bed.

"Hey," she greeted. "Yeah, she just woke up," she said into the phone. "How's Noah? Did he give you a hard time with bedtime?" she asked, smiling slightly at whatever Barba told her.

Savina used the distraction of the phone call to study her mother, she was still sitting on the bed next to her, but she wasn't facing her. Her right hand was holding Savina's left gently, her thumb running absent mindedly over her knuckles. And much to Savina's surprise, it soothed her, it felt good. She smiled when she saw her smile at the mention of Noah, when she noted the change in her tone as she spoke to Barba. And despite her better judgement, she found herself wondering what it would've been like if she had grown up with her.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by the sound of the door opening, and they both looked up in time to see a nurse walking in with a tray. Savina's face immediately fell, and Olivia knew what those were for. The dressings for the wounds were a much smaller size, and she had a small chair with her that OBGYNs use for deliveries.

"Barba, I'm gonna call you back," Olivia said hastily into the phone, and hung up. Her eyes cut to Savina, who looked as white as the sheets she was lying on. She got off the bed, but kept her hold on Savina's hand. To her surprise, Savina tightly clutched her hand, and Olivia stilled. Olivia heard the nurse talking, telling Savina that she needed to change the bandages on the wounds, explaining the process to the slightly trembling teenager, but Olivia wasn't sure that she was even listening to a word that was being said. Her eyes were fixated on the tray, and she saw her face muscles clench as she desperately tried to keep the tears at bay.

"Lieutenant, would you like to wait outside?" the woman offered, and that seemed to catch her attention. Her head whipped around to Olivia, and she could feel her heart break at the pleading look in her eyes. She tightened her hand around the trembling fingers, and used the other to cup her cheek. "I'm not going anywhere," she assured her gently, before turning her attention to the nurse. "I think I'll stay," she said, as she lowered herself onto the bed, facing Savina.

The nurse merely nodded, and then started to adjust the bed's position. Once the back was up all the way, and the foot part was lowered, she placed the small chair at Savina's feet, and gently moved her feet up to rest on the bed.

"Try to relax," she instructed gently, and Savina's knuckled went white as they squeezed Olivia's hand.

Olivia had her body positioned to block Savina's view of the nurse, with her arm supporting her weight on Savina's other side. She gently leaned forward, and rested her forehead against Savina's after the nurse's instruction, knowing what was to come next. "I'm here, baby."

Savina jerked slightly, a soft whimper escaping her, causing Olivia to move even closer to her. Her heart broke with every jerk and whimper, and it took every ounce of resolve she had to keep her own tears at bay. The whole process took less than twenty minutes, but to the two of them, it seemed like hours. Savina had silent tears making their way down her cheek, and her breath was coming out in short, shallow, silent gasps. The nurse put the bed back to how it was, apologized for the inconvenience, and then took her leave. Olivia was still sitting on the bed next to her, one hand gently rubbing her side up and down soothingly, while the other held the her trembling hand to her own chest. Her eyes were now closed, her chest heaving slightly with each ragged breath she took. Her body trembling beneath Olivia's fingers, the occasional sob escaping past her tightly closed lips.

After a few agonizing minutes, her face relaxed a bit, and her eyes fluttered open. Her breathing was a bit more normal as well, and the trembling had thankfully stopped. She still had tears in her eyes, but they were no longer cascading down her cheek.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Olivia shook her head gently. "You don't have to thank me, sweetheart."

The loving nicknames were not something she was used to, especially not from a parent. Her own parents died when she was four, and she barely remembered them. She had a few memories here and there, but they were scattered. She still remembered their voices; her father as he read her a bedtime story, and her mother as she sang her a lullaby. But she didn't remember them ever calling her 'baby' or 'sweetheart'. Her grandmother hadn't either, she either called her 'honey', 'darling' and sometimes, 'ladybug'. It surprised her that Olivia easily gave her the endearment terms so easily; that they didn't sound forced at all. On the contrary, they sounded so natural from her, so loving…..like a mother would sound. She didn't know what had gotten into her, when she held onto her hand. But to her surprise, when Olivia told her she was staying with her, the wave of relief that flooded her both scared her, and made her feel safe, and wanted. She was so tired of acting tough, of acting like she didn't care, and didn't need anyone. She was sick of it….she was exhausted, and it felt good to have someone look out for her for a change. Although she would never admit it….not even to herself yet.

She looked exhausted, and Savina finally noted the time on the clock hanging on the wall behind Olivia. "You should probably head home. It's getting late."

Her voice was still thick with tears, and slightly hesitant. Olivia used her free hand to push some of her hair behind her ear, as she shook her head gently, smiling lovingly at her intent gaze. "I already told you, I'm not going anywhere."

"What about Noah? I'm sure he needs you," she retorted gently.

"Rafi's got him, he can handle him."

"You sure?"

Olivia smiled, touched that despite everything, Savina still worried about Noah's wellbeing before her own. "Positive. I won't leave you alone, I promise."

Savina studied her for a few moments, trying to find a single hint of lying, for a reason not to trust her, for an ulterior motive to why she could be doing all of this. She was well aware that she was yet to find anything, that every time she looked at her, all she saw was a mother, but she couldn't help it. She had been stung far too many times, her heart had been broken, and her hopes crushed more times that she cared to count or even remember. She guessed it would probably take some time for her to adjust, to let go of all those demons she spent years harboring. That it will take some conscious effort on her part to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop, to stop treating them like they're a foster family that's about to send her back, or will kick her out after the first mistake. She remembered what she told her about talking to someone, and even though she was not really ready for that quite yet, she supposed it wasn't such a bad idea.

She finally nodded, giving her mother a small smile in return, as the latter continued to stroke her cheek gently. _Her mother_! That was weird to her….even in her own head. She could feel her eyes getting heavy – even though she just woke up – but she was just so exhausted and drained. She had barely gotten any sleep the night before, and had gotten a few hours when Barba came that morning, but they weren't enough to keep her going.

Olivia noted the sleep in her eyes, and also the hesitation to fall asleep. She knew it all too well. Your body is exhausted, craving sleep like it's a drug, but your brain reminds you of what awaits you in the darkness. The shadowy figures, the haunting sounds, the feel of those hot keys and hangers as they marked your flesh, the pain in your wrists as the wires cut into them.

"If you wanna go back to sleep, go ahead. I'll be here when you wake up, and I'll be here if any nightmares occur," Olivia assured her, and she merely nodded.

They held each other's gazes for a little while, before Savina shifted on the bed, moving onto her side, Olivia's hand still clutched in her own, before she finally closed her eyes.


	19. Chapter 19

The room was quiet, the light filtering through the partially closed blinds as Savina's eyes fluttered open. She wasn't that surprised to find herself alone in the room, she hadn't really expected Olivia to stay. After all, the woman was the commanding officer of a precinct, not to mention a mother to a toddler. She was sure that she was not on her list of priorities, she merely found out about her less than forty eight hours ago. She remembered her waking her up a bunch of times through the night, and lulling her back to sleep after the countless nightmares she had. But to her surprise, she woke up on her accord and not because of a nightmare. A part of her knew that it was thanks to Olivia, but she refused to let herself believe it. She couldn't let herself get her hopes up, couldn't allow herself to depend on her presence. Everybody leaves at some point, whether by choice, or not. She had promised her to stay, and here she was, all alone.

She sighed in frustration, she shouldn't have let herself believe her words. She was probably speaking out of guilt, or even obligation. She knew better. She could blame it on the circumstances, but she knew that she had to get used to the toll this whole process was going to take on her, since she would be facing it on her own. She hissed in pain when she accidentally pulled on her strained ribs, as she made her way to the bathroom, and closed the door behind her.

Olivia, who was right outside the door, walked back inside a few minutes later after she was finally able to get off the phone. She had been getting updates all morning from her team, Trevor, and Barba. She even managed to place a call to Dr. Lindstrom asking him if he would be willing to treat Savina when she's up to it. The latest call in the series, was with Dodds, and it was not a pleasant one. He had more or less told her that instead of giving her another regular detective, that he was handing her a new Sargent because 1PP felt like she had a political agenda of her own, since this was the second time in less than six months that she and Barba went after the Department of Child Services. She guessed that meant that Barba did find something to charge Linda McNamara with, and since she had already taken DCS in the summer, after that nine year old died due to their negligence, 1PP was none too pleased that she was doing it again. She didn't like the new situation one bit, she knew that this new Sargent won't be someone she'll be able to trust, since he's practically a spy who was there to keep an eye on her and her team, not to mention her and Barba, and report to the boys upstairs. She had half a mind to go punch Fin for refusing to take the Sargent's exam with Rollins, for if he had, they wouldn't be in this situation. The one piece of good news, was that the new Sargent – who was conveniently Dodds eldest son Mike – was still finishing his stint with Anti-crime, so she still had some time before he graced them with his presence. So not only would she be stuck showing him the ropes, but she would also be breaking some of the stereotypes cops usually have about crimes in general, and sex crimes in particular. And she _really_ didn't need this at the moment. Dodds had told her to think of it as a gift; with two Sargents in the squad, she can focus on her daughter a bit more, but she saw right through it. She had to be even more careful now than she ever was.

Her heart nearly stopped when she saw the empty bed, her sleep-deprived brain going into overdrive with bad scenarios as to where Savina may have gone, and not giving the rational part any time to realize that she was standing outside the door, and therefore, no one could've gotten in or out without her noticing, least of all with an unconscious Savina.

Luckily for her, before she went too far down the rabbit hole, the click of the bathroom door pulled her out of her dark thoughts, and she looked over in time to see Savina gingerly stepping over the threshold. She saw the slight surprise in her eyes when they landed on her, and Olivia smiled softly at her, as she tried to get her heartbeat back to normal.

"Hey, how long have you been up?" she wondered.

"Um….a….a couple of minutes," Savina stuttered.

Olivia frowned slightly, she didn't hear any screams or thrashing, didn't even hear the heart monitor beeping like it did when her heart rate spiked during a nightmare. "Did you…." She trailed off, when Savina shook her head. "No, I woke up on my own accord, actually."

Olivia nodded, smiling softly, but still confused by the still present surprise in her daughter's eyes. "Do you need help getting back into bed?" she asked gently, as she moved closer.

"No, uh….I was planning on calling a nurse, see if I can go for a walk," she stammered, and it was starting to get unnerving.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Olivia wondered in concern, one hand finding the girl's back, and gently rubbing it between her shoulder blades. Savina's gaze met hers, and moved searchingly between her eyes. "Honey, whatever it is, you can tell me," Olivia pressed gently. The silence was starting to drive her crazy, how speechless she seemingly got, the look in her eyes.

"I….I just….uh….I kinda thought you left."

The simple statement knocked the wind out of Olivia. The way her voice shook slightly at the end, the hesitation in every syllable, the slight trepidation in her eyes. What broke her heart the most was that the statement wasn't a hint, it wasn't suggestive…..it was an admission of fear. She wasn't hoping that she left, she was afraid that she did, and had resigned herself to that fact.

"I told you I won't let you face this alone, that I won't go anywhere," Olivia repeated her earlier promises. She tried to keep the pain out of her voice, knowing that Savina might interpret it as it being her fault, rather than Olivia hurting _for_ her.

Savina laughed softly, though the sound that escaped her lips was too sad to be called such, before she once again averted her gaze. "Yeah, but I'm not really wired to believe people," she admitted truthfully.

Olivia's breath hitched at her words, and she felt the tears prick her eyes, but she blinked them away, before she moved to stand in front of Savina. She used two fingers to lift her chin, as she bent down slightly to catch her eyes. The lump in her throat grew even more when those haunted eyes met her own, and she wanted nothing more than to wrap her in her arms again, and not let go until she took all the pain away. But judging by how she stiffened slightly when she rubbed her back, she was sure that she was not ready for that just yet. She didn't even believe that she would stay, so she was sure physical comfort was still a long road ahead.

"Then I don't care if I spend the rest of my life proving to you that you can believe me," she told her, her voice firm but gentle.

The sincerity in her words could not be denied, not even by all the demons in Savina's head. She tried, God knows she tried to deny it, to not allow herself to fall prey to empty promises once more. She knew how they ended; with people going back on their words, and her heart broken. This wasn't the first time someone had promised to be there for her, to keep her safe, to help her overcome all the hardships she's faced; and none of them kept it. Each and every single one of them broke their promise one way or another.

"I…." she trailed off, not entirely sure how to apologize, or even what to say. She hated the pain she saw in Olivia's eyes, she hated the fact that she was bringing back old demons for her. She hated to admit it, but for a split second when she woke up and didn't find her mother there, she was genuinely happy…..for her mother. At least this way, she won't be reliving one of the worst experiences of her life all over again….at her hands no less.

"Savina, what you went through was not easy. And I'm not just talking about last week, I'm talking about things that you went through since you were four, that no four year old ever has to face," Olivia started, her hand moving from where it was holding her chin, to lovingly cup her cheek, and use the pad of her thumb to wipe away at the tears slowly escaping her little girl's tortured eyes. "You're my _daughter_ ," she stressed. "And trust me, I know better than anyone the true meaning of that word. I know that it takes more than simply giving birth to become a mom," she continued, smiling softly when Savina offered her a small smile. "I know you need some time to adjust, and like I said before, take all the time you need, I'm not going anywhere. And I'm glad you told me what's on your mind," she finished, her free hand now gently pushing some stray strands off her face, and tugging it behind her ear.

Savina nodded, and Olivia's smile grew, and it was all she could do not to lean forward and kiss her forehead. "You still wanna go for a walk?" she asked.

"Um, yeah. But I think we need to get a nurse in here, see which lines I can disconnect and all," Savina commented, and Olivia nodded.

And right on cue, a knock at the door had them both looking at the door in time to see a nurse walking in. "Good morning, Savina. How are you feeling this morning?" she asked cheerfully, and Savina smiled.

"Pretty good, actually," she admitted, sounding a bit surprised herself.

"I can see that. You're out of bed and moving about already," she commented. "I'll call down and tell them to bring you some breakfast."

"Actually, I was wondering if I can go get some at the cafeteria. I've been cooped up here for two days already," Savina objected hopefully, and the nurse nodded, smiling. "Of course, dear. Let me just get some readings for the chart, and then you should be on your way."

* * *

About half an hour later, Olivia and Savina were walking down the long hallway, with Officer Gonzalez trailing closely behind.

"Any news?" she wondered.

"They still haven't the missing juror," Olivia replied regretfully.

Savina nodded in understanding. "She probably wasn't expecting me to escape, so I'm guessing when she came by the next day to get me, and found the place swarming with cops, she had more than enough time to plan a getaway by the time I identified her voice," Savina pointed out.

That made Olivia look at her thoughtfully. "I'll have Fin look over the crime scene photos, maybe she was in the crowd. They're still asking around where she lived, tracking her credit cards, trying to see if there's a certain place she may have gone."

"I know she doesn't come off as a criminal mastermind, but she took her sweet time in planning this. Even waited almost three years to snatch a girl, so I'm sure she had an escape plan ready. She wasn't counting on me escaping this early, but she _did_ want me found," Savina argued.

"I know, baby. Which is why we're not leaving anything up to chance, we're turning over every rock," Olivia assured her.

"I know," she said simply, and Olivia did a double-take at how steady her voice was. The lack of doubt in her voice, or on in her facial expression surprised her. Especially after their little conversation by the bathroom door less than an hour ago.

"What about the baby?" Savina inquired.

"They found a familial match," Olivia answered. "The nurse was right, the mother was an escort."

"That term is loosely applied to her," Savina pointed out, and Olivia sighed sadly. "I just don't understand why you would keep the baby, if you're planning on throwing them in the nearest dumpster you see once they're born."

"Most working girls don't even realize they're pregnant until it's too late, or sometimes they think they can sell the baby. And a lot of the babies born to working girls are either stillborn, or only live for a few hours," Olivia argued sadly.

"That's harsh. I understand ending up pregnant with a child when you're not ready, sitting down, and looking through hundreds of files until you pick a family. But I could never understand how someone can just throw a baby away like that!" Savina ranted angrily.

"I know, neither could I." Olivia agreed sadly, and Savina eyed her closely. "I probably shouldn't be the one to talk about abandoned babied, otherwise I may never have gotten Noah," she reminisced, smiling wistfully at the memory of Judge Linden ordering the small baby into her custody.

Savina furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Wait, Noah's adopted!"

Olivia chuckled at the fish-out-of-the-water expression on her daughter's face, having had that reaction from many people when they find out that the little boy wasn't biologically hers. He did look enough like her to pass as her own, and she quite enjoyed the look on people's faces when she told them he was adopted. Though she didn't often correct their assumption.

"Yeah," was all she said, deciding to keep the gory details of how she found Noah to another time. "I already told you Trevor Lanagan helped me with his adoption," she reminded her.

"Yeah, but I thought you meant Rafael! Not you!" Savina retorted gently, still shocked.

"He was the second beautiful surprise of my life," Olivia whispered fondly.

"What's the first?"

"You."

The love Savina saw in her eyes as she said that simple word was both terrifying and absolutely wonderful.

"You weren't trying to have a baby?" she asked, her voice slightly choked up, as she averted her mother's gaze, so she didn't see the hope blossoming in her heart in them. It was dangerous territories, and as wonderful as it felt, she couldn't let herself get too used to it. She knew it would only end in heartbreak…..that's how her life had always gone. Nothing good ever lasted for her….it always ended. And it always shattered her hopes in the process. She wasn't ready to admit that despite all her bravado with Diana and Eddie about her birth parents, she had what she secretly referred to as 'a little girl's naïve' fantasy about meeting them. It hurt her deeply that they didn't seem to want her, that they hated her existence so much, they didn't even bother with picking a family for her….they just abandoned her. So when she found out that Olivia was actually the mother in question, it shocked her to hear that she was never meant to be given away. It gave her hope. Made her think that maybe she'll finally get the life she's always fantasized about. And the mere thought of that getting taken away…..was absolutely horrifying. And so, she did everything in her power to stop the hope from growing, to stop the small gestures from getting to her, step herself from getting attached, stop the feeling of warmth that shot through to her heart at any touch from getting to her head. There was no way this would end happily for her.

"No, but that doesn't mean I hesitated for even a second about keeping you. I've always wanted to be a mom, and I couldn't have been happier," she recalled the day. She still remembered the day she sat on the floor of her bathroom, her back pressed against the tub, as she stared at the torturously slow movements of the minute hand on her wrist watch. She had hid the stick inside the box – which was promptly discarded at her feet – to keep her from looking at it constantly, and nearly pounced on it when the required two minutes were up. That little plus sign brought inexplicable joy to her. She didn't care that she would be a single mom, she didn't care that Jason would probably tell her that he wanted nothing to do with the baby…..none of that even crossed her mind, as she stared blearily at the stick. Short, tearful laughs escaped her trembling lips, as she pictured what it would be like to have a baby of her own.

"I didn't even realize I was pregnant, until my Sargent pointed out that my sense of smell seemed to suddenly rival that of the canine unit," she recounted, her tone light.

Savina laughed, genuinely laughed, and Olivia grinned back at her. "So that's not an urban myth?" she teased.

"Nop, I even looked at openings in the Canine Unit," she joked, and that made Savina burst out in laughter, her hand moving to her side, holding her ribs, and her steps faltered slightly.

"Sorry, baby." Olivia apologized, though her tone was not that apologetic, since she was very much enjoying the sound of Savina's laugh. She had one hand on her arm, the other on her back to keep her steady.

Savina shook her head at the apology, as she stood straight once more. "No, I think I should be the one apologizing for turning you into a human gas spectrometer," she quipped, and Olivia laughed.

"That wasn't so bad….at least not as bad as the pickle and mustard combo I suddenly seemed so fond of!" she retorted teasingly, grinning broadly at the disgusted face Savina made.

"That's gross!" Savina gagged, scrunching her nose to emphasize her point.

They had already reached the cafeteria by then, just as Olivia's phone vibrated. She pulled it out of her back pocket, and quickly read over the text. It was mainly Barba telling her that Tommy – Bella's now husband, who had started a moving company with a few of his friends – were starting to pack up the place, and that Lucy was gonna use the time Noah was in Day-Care to pack his things. He also told her that Noah was asking about her constantly that morning, and was asking her if it would be okay if Lucy brought him by the hospital for a little bit after she picked him from Day- Care. She frowned at the phone, and that got Savina's attention.

"Everything okay?" she asked worriedly.

"Um, yeah, it's Rafael," Olivia stammered, not sure how to ask Savina if Noah can come by. She knew the girl would agree out of guilt of keeping the toddler away from his mother for so long, but she wasn't sure if she was truly ready for it.

"Noah giving him a hard time?" she offered, and that gave Olivia a way out.

"Yeah, he's in an anti-jacket phase, and Rafael thinks he can use logic on a nearly two-year old toddler!" she chuckled, and Savina laughed. "So now, they're running late for Day-Care."

"I thought Lucy watches him," Savina stated, confused.

"She does, but twice a week we send him to this Day-Care, so he can interact with kids his age," Olivia elaborated. "Lucy picks him, but usually Rafael and I drop him off, or at least one of us."

"Well, tell him that logic doesn't really work on toddlers….actually, it doesn't really work at all!" Savina exclaimed. "And tell Lucy to drop him off here after Day-Care."

Olivia looked up from the text she was writing, and almost gaped at Savina. She was proud of her ability to school her features in the fraction of the second it took to look up to hide most of the surprise, but she was sure some of it was visible in her eyes.

"Look, he's nearly two, he hasn't seen you in two days, so I'm sure part of his tantrum is because of that," Savina reasoned. "So just tell her to drop him off here, and Rafael can pick him up before he heads home. I would suggest he spends the night with us, but I don't wanna scare him," she alluded.

"Savina, this is very sweet, but….." Olivia tried to argue, but couldn't really think of anything to say. Truth was, she really missed Noah too. "Are you sure you're up for this?" she asked instead, and Savina nodded reassuringly. "He's a cute kid, I adore him, and I'm sure he'll love spending some time with you."

Olivia simply nodded, smiling softly at the beautiful brunette standing before her. She was not really the religious type, but she was thanking the grace of God for her. It still amazed her how she managed to keep her compassionate and selfless heart in the face of all the horrors she faced, and she could not be more proud of her, even if she tried.

"Thank you." Was all she could say. She hated that she was choosing between the two of them, and she was overjoyed that she didn't have to….even if it's just for a day.


	20. Chapter 20

Olivia checked her watch for what seemed to be the umpteenth time since she got there, sighing in frustration and rolling her eyes when she noted that only five minutes had passed since she last checked. She rubbed her hands impatiently up and down her thighs, as she tried to keep her focus on the ongoing meeting, but failed miserably. She felt Amanda's calming hand on her persistently tapping leg, and nearly growled when their eyes met. The blonde merely smiled sympathetically at her, and mouthed 'I know' to the impatient brunette.

She had gotten the call early that morning that 1PP wanted both her and Amanda for a meeting there. She tried everything in her power to skip it, but Dodds insisted on her presence.

'I understand the situation, Lieutenant, but don't forget that you're also the commanding officer of one of the most elite and prestigious units in the country,' he justified his insistence on her presence. She had thought about leaving her in Barba's care, but her dismay skyrocketed when he told her that his presence was required as well. Courtesy of the DA himself.

The one saving grace was Carisi. It was his day off, and he told her that he had no problem keeping an eye out on Savina while she's gone. Which left Fin to man the precinct, and thankfully, no surprises turned up. It looked like it was going to be a calm, paperwork day.

Savina was still asleep when she left, and Amanda had to drag her away from the room. She had even texted Lucy and told her to take Noah over to the hospital once he's out of daycare. It had been their routine for the past week; daycare, then spend the day at the hospital with Savina and Olivia, then Barba would pick him up on his way home and put him to bed.

The meeting was actually quite fruitful, and Dodds wasn't lying when he said her presence was needed. They talked about interagency lack of communication, the backlogs, and the lack of information on the interstate databases that allows so many criminals to get away with their crimes for years. It was all things she was passionate about, and had spent years fighting for. She had tried her best to engage in the meeting, and weigh in on the matters. But she saw on their faces that they could tell she was off her game, and they were right. She could only think of the sleeping teenager she left that morning after promising her over and over that she'll always be there when she woke up.

* * *

She was practically jogging through the hospital, even took the stairs up to the fourth floor to get to Savina's room, when the elevator took too long to arrive, with Amanda and Barba silently trailing behind. The meeting had started out well, but Dodds had cornered her, along with Hank Abraham, right before she left, and dropped a bomb on her that left her seething. She nearly even bit his head off, if Barba and Amanda hadn't interfered. The one thing that helped calm her down slightly, was when Amanda and Barba talked her into going to her apartment and packing. She took her frustration out on her clothes and the boxes. And between all three of them, they finished in under an hour. And it had worked, she was still angry, but not as seething as before.

She gave Officer Watson a clipped smile when he stood up to meet her, and nodded her head in acknowledgment, before she opened the door. The blinds were closed, so she knew Savina was awake, since she always kept them open if she was asleep. And she could hear voices inside.

She saw Carisi sitting on the bed, by Savina's feet, the table pulled up between them, with cards spread out on them. To her surprise, Lucia was propped up in the bed next to Savina, partially behind her, with Noah in her lap, completely engrossed by the apparent heated game her daughter and detective were playing.

"Gin!" Savina exclaimed happily, and a bit arrogantly, at a gob smacked Carisi as she laid out her cards for him to see.

"Who taught you how to play?" he grumbled.

"That would be my grandmother," she gloated, before she turned her cheeky smile towards her mother. "Hey, how was it?" she asked.

The only response Olivia could come up with, was a groan. She had been worried about how Savina would react to waking up and not finding her, she was scared that she'll find the mistrust in her eyes once more. She was glad when she saw no hint of blame, no anger, and no mistrust. Just the usual walls she built, that Olivia was still desperately trying to claw her way through, so she can tear them all down. And so, when Savina asked about the meeting, the groan was part frustration, part her not trusting her voice not to betray her thoughts, and part her sleep-deprived brain deciding that it was the only way to describe the meeting.

Savina's eyes softened slightly, and she smiled softly at her. "That bad, huh?"

"Well, it was going fine, until Chief Dodds pulled me aside," Olivia confessed.

"And Abraham!" Amanda offered, and Carisi groaned.

"Oh boy! That can't have been good!" Carisi said.

"Uh…Abraham?" Savina wondered.

"Hank Abraham, Deputy Commissioner," Barba provided the answer.

"What did they want?" Lucia asked.

"Well, the good news is we're finally getting a new detective," Amanda replied.

"That doesn't sound so bad," Savina sounded hopeful. "Does it?" she added in doubt when Olivia plumped down on the bed next to her with a loud groan, that sounded more like a growl than anything.

"Except he's a Sargent," Olivia growled.

"And Dodds's son," Amanda added.

"Dodds, as in Chief Dodds?" Lucia sought confirmation, and Amanda nodded regretfully. "One and the same," she conceded.

"Hey, I thought I get to call dibs on that!" Savina quipped.

That actually made Olivia laugh, genuinely laugh, as her shoulders shook with the first genuine laugh Barba had heard in days. Savina grinned ruefully at her, her eyes shining just a little bit with happiness when she saw the small glimmer of joy in Olivia's eyes. Olivia was on the bed next to her, one hand on her back, their faces so close to each other that Olivia could see the tinniest bit of hope hidden beneath the surface. She desperately wanted to tell her how much she loved her, to lean forward and plant a kiss to her forehead, to pull her into her arms. But she knew very well that Savina was still not ready for any of that. So she merely flashed her a genuine smile. "I really needed the laugh, thanks."

"Anytime. But how come they stuck you with a Sargent? Amanda's already one," she wondered, and that got Olivia to roll her eyes once more.

"He's more of a spy than anything," she deadpanned.

"Excuse me?" Carisi interjected.

"Well, apparently going after DCS twice in less than a year is a big no-no, so they're sticking me with someone who can rat me out when I'm planning something like this under the table, so they can stop me in time," Olivia explained in exasperation.

"Translation please!" Savina looked over to Barba for help.

"There was this case last summer, a nine year-old died because of neglect from her social worker," Barba started.

"Yeah, I remember that. The social worker didn't go see her for months, and therefore had no idea that the mother was back on drugs, and basically torturing the girl."

"Yeah, well, I decided that a mere slap on the wrist wasn't good enough, and helped Rafael build a case against them," Olivia continued.

"That's badass!" Savina exclaimed proudly, and Olivia couldn't help the smug smile from tugging on her lips.

"And then you went after Linda McNamara," Carisi added, and Olivia nodded.

"So you basically pissed the Gods in the marble halls, and now they want someone who knows how to kiss ass, and play politics!" Savina exclaimed incredulously. "Ow!" she suddenly shrieked, when Lucia slapped her arm.

"Language!" Lucia admonished, before turning her attention back to Olivia, as if nothing had happened. "But why a Sargent?" she asked.

"Because a detective is easily molded; they're young, they're eager to learn, wanna prove their worth. So they can easily be trained in our ways, and can grow loyal very quickly to the people around them because they know that those are the people who have their back. But when he's a Sargent, he already has people who have his back, has his own ideas and conceptions about how certain things should go. I'm not dealing with someone green, I'm gonna be breaking a few stereotypical ideas in his head, and starting from scratch with someone who will basically be fighting me all the way. Not to mention, that he could think that if I go, he'll take my place. So he'll have no problem not being loyal," she explained begrudgingly.

"He'll be more of a liability than a helping hand," Savina realized, and Olivia nodded.

"He may not be so bad," Amanda hoped. "I mean, we handled Carisi and his moustache! How bad can he be?" she teased.

Carisi opened his mouth to protest, but Savina beat him to it. "I'm sorry. Carisi and his what?" she inquired, a mischievous smile already tugging on the corner of her lips.

"Moustache," Amanda repeated, as she dug her phone out of her pocket.

"You had a moustache?" Savina sought confirmation, as she tried hard to stifle the laugh bubbling up in her chest.

"It wasn't that bad!" Carisi defended.

"Oh, yes it was," was chorused by all three who had seen him.

"Please tell me there are pictures," Savina practically begged.

"Ask and you shall receive," Amanda said, as she handed her the phone.

Savina burst out laughing when she saw the picture, her hand immediately flying to her side in a futile attempt to splint her ribs, since trying to control her laughter was out of the question.

Noah, who had crawled over Savina to Olivia the minute she sat on the bed, was now looking at the laughing brunette with concern.

"Hey, it's not that bad! You're gonna crack a rib!" Carisi protested.

"It's worth it," she giggled, her laughter now calming down slightly, and mixing in with sounds of pain.

"Sassy?" Noah pouted, as he reached for her.

"I'm fine, kiddo." She maneuvered him away from her injured side, and kissed his cheek. She smiled when he wrapped his arms around her neck, and gently patted her back, both her arms now wrapping around him. "Don't worry, sweetie, I'm fine," she cooed softly into his hair.

Olivia had tears in her eyes at the sight; it appeared that Noah had no trouble at all accepting Savina, and had immediately warmed up to her. And Savina's patience with him was overwhelming, she knew how to handle him, put him ahead of herself, ignored any pain his poking knees and elbows may cause so he wouldn't worry. She had told Olivia that the only reason why she didn't want him spending the night with them, was because of the nightmares. She knew she will scare him, and she didn't want that.

"Well, it's almost somebody's bedtime," Barba's voice pulled her out of her thoughts, and she saw Noah tightening his hold on Savina, who smiled. "You know what's coming, don't you?" she teased gently, as she rubbed his back, and he merely buried his face in her neck even further.

"Come on, buddy. How does a bubble bath sound? You can keep me company too," Barba tried to lure him, but the boy merely looked skeptically at the older man, before his eyes shifted over to Olivia. "Mommy?" he wondered, and Olivia's gaze saddened immediately.

"Not tonight, baby," she cooed regretfully, as she took him from Savina and hugged him.

"Actually, yes, tonight," Savina interrupted, and Olivia's head snapped in her direction, her mouth opening to fire off a million objections, but Savina held her hand up to stop her. "Just hear me out," she started. "You've barely been home in the past two days, this recliner is the most uncomfortable thing on the planet, and he misses you terribly. It's one night. Go home, let him have you for today, and I'm sure you'll be back here before I even wake up. I don't even sleep till it's sun out anyways, so I should be fine," she argued softly, but Olivia shook her head. Savina could clearly see how torn her mother was between both of them, and it made her feel good slightly. "Olivia, he's two. He can't be the patient one any longer. You're not breaking any promises," she stated softly, knowing very well that she was worried about what she might think. "You're just getting some much deserved rest, and letting him have his mommy back for one night."

Olivia's heart fluttered slightly in her chest, and her breath hitched a bit when she heard Savina saying 'mommy'- even if she wasn't really meaning it that way – but it made her wish for it even more. She couldn't help but smile proudly at how thoughtful Savina was, and her heart swelled with so much love and pride for her little girl that it could burst at any minute.

"I can stay the night, Mija," Lucia offered.

"Uh, no. Your back and neck will hate me for the rest of the week if you do. I wasn't kidding when I said this thing was uncomfortable. Not to mention that you actually have work in the morning, and if you stay here, you won't be getting any sleep," Savina pointed out.

"You think it'll be the first night I go to work with practically no sleep?" Lucia countered. "Who do you think raised this one?" she asked, pointing towards Barba.

"Yes, but that was ages ago, when…" she trailed off when she saw Lucia's raised eyebrow as she waited for the end of the sentence. "And unless I want to break any more ribs, I really shouldn't finish that sentence," she back-tracked cheekily.

"Wise, wise decision!" Lucia stated matter-of-factly.

Just then, Fin walked into the room, a stoic expression on his face.

"I take it you heard," Olivia commented, and he nodded stiffly.

"Yeah, Dodds Jr.," he declared. "Wonder how he got that job!" he inquired incredulously, and Olivia groaned once more.

"And this is exactly why you should head home. It's been a long day, you're running on almost no sleep, and now you have to babysit the mini version of your boss. You need all the rest you can get," Savina listed.

"Tomorrow's my day off, Liv. I can stay the night," Fin offered. "I have about sixteen years' worth of stories on your mom that should keep us both entertained," he winked at Savina, and she grinned. "I'm with him!" she declared.

* * *

By the time Olivia and Barba made it home, Noah had already fallen asleep. They had stopped for take-out on the way home, and she was carrying the bags, while Barba had Noah cradled close to his chest. He was humming a lullaby softly in the toddler's ear as he maneuvered his coat off his shoulders to avoid waking him. Tommy had already moved the boxes she packed to the new apartment, and all she had to do was swing by the old apartment, pick up a few last minute things, pay a few bills, and hand over the keys. She had expected to be a bit more attached to the apartment, after all, it was where she had gotten Noah. But when she thought about it, she realized that most of her happy memories with her son, somehow involved Barba. Ironically, Noah had taken his first steps at the ADA's office on a desolate visit once. It had been the first time she had seen the ADA act uncharacteristically, when he practically jumped off his chair, and reached for his phone to record the toddler as he toddled over from where he was sitting on the floor amongst his toys, trying to get to his mother. Olivia had cried in joy, and hugged Noah profusely that day, whispering words of encouragement, and declarations of love in his ears as Barba looked on happily. The first time he called her 'Mama' was in her own office, and Barba had walked in less than a minute after, and yet again witnessed the tears of joy. Although the entire squad had joined in on the celebration that day.

So to her, the memories weren't really tied to a place, but rather the people. So to her surprise, she wasn't all that sad about leaving the apartment behind, since she got to be with the man she loved every night now, her son – and soon, her daughter as well – all under the same roof…..the dream that she had long given up on had finally come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So very sorry for the late update, but between doctor's appointments, and vacation with the family, I didn't get much time to actually sit down and write anything.
> 
> Some of the canon plotlines will be included here, but the timeline might be a bit different to fit the story.
> 
> Now, I have a question for all of you my dear readers; I have two versions of Townhouse Incident in my head, both would work well with the story and the dynamic of the characters. One that follows the episode, where Olivia is the one taken, and one where Barba is the one who's taken hostage. Which one would you prefer? I'm taking votes.


	21. Chapter 21

Olivia woke up surprisingly refreshed the next morning, and chuckled softly when she saw both Noah and Rafael with identical faces on their side facing her. Noah was tucked in-between Rafael's arm, snoring softly as they both slept soundly. He had joined them in bed sometime in the night after a very long and passionate sex session. Olivia had missed Rafael terribly, and she needed to feel good, needed the assurance that at least one thing in her life was not jostled, and Rafael was more than happy to comply. She smiled softly at them both, before she ran her fingers through Noah's hair gently. She looked over at the alarm, and realized that she still had a few minutes before Rafael's alarm went off, and they all had to head out. She had already told Lucy not to come in that morning, that she would be the one taking Noah to the hospital, and had decided to skip daycare all together.

She gently shimmied her way out of the bed, careful not to make it move too much under her weight, and put the pillow in her place, before she made her way out. She walked over to the spare room that Rafael was using as a make-shift office, and stood at the door. It had a bed, a small chest of drawers, and a rather big closet. It was also the only other room in the house with an en-suite bathroom. She rested her head against the doorframe, and let her mind wander off. She pictured what the room would look like with all the things that teenagers usually cram into their room. She walked over to the closet and eyed it critically, the ghost of a teenager getting ready inside dancing before her eyes. She could almost hear the music sounding in the room, as the faint echoes of footsteps rang in her ears as they tapped along with the music. She chuckled to herself when an annoyed 'Mom' sounded, and the over-dramatic eye-roll floated before her eyes. This was almost too good to be true. She had spent years yearning for it, wishing that she could have it, wondering what life would've been like with her baby girl….and she was finally getting the chance.

She hummed contently when she felt his arms wrap around her waist, as he peppered a gentle kiss to her temple. "Morning," she sighed, leaning more into the kisses he was still feathering up and down her neck, and almost moaning in pleasure.

"It appears that great minds think alike," he murmured against her, and she craned her neck to look at him questioningly. "I'm already setting up the printer and laptop in the space by the hallway closet so Savina can use this room."

Olivia turned fully in his arms, resting both her hands on his chest, as she almost gaped at him. "You're okay with having to move your things again? That's a lot of change for you, and I know you're not exactly fond of sudden change," she alluded softly to the fact that he already had to move once to make room for Noah's crib, and now he was moving again for Savina. Not to mention the fact that they just moved in with him, and basically uprooted his entire life.

Barba smiled, a genuine smile, one of his hands coming up to gently cup her face. "I never like change because it never brought me anything good, and it usually caught me off guard, and it was never anything I wanted or hoped for. This; you, Noah, and Savina are things that I never even dared dream about, let alone want. You three are exactly what has been missing this whole time," he refuted gently, and her heart swelled with each word. "And besides, I've hardly gone home with work since we started seeing each other, and I seriously doubt I'll do it now that you'll be here, especially when Savina is released. We'll need to focus on making sure she recovers well, adjusts to the sudden changes in _her_ life, and drill it into her stubborn head that she's loved and wanted," he lectured, smirking slightly at the end, with a pointed arched eyebrow, and she laughed, knowing fully that it was a jab at her as well. "Liv, I'll keep saying this till my last breath; you three are my priority, you come first, and the rest of the world can go to hell for all I care," he vowed.

* * *

Olivia had Noah perched on her hip, as she and Barba made their way to Savina's room. The morning walk from the elevators to the room was more of a routine now, greetings and smiles along the way to the nurses and staff they ran into on daily basis, as their legs carried them – almost on autopilot – to the room down the corridor. Olivia frowned slightly when she saw the chair outside the room to be empty, her hand subconsciously moving to the gun on her belt, as she allowed Barba to pluck Noah out of her arms. She knew he found the situation eerie as well, and they both quickly picked up their pace. Olivia's heart sank when she reached the glass window looking into the room. The bed was empty, the sheets and covers turned, and she stormed into the room, her gun already out of its holster, but not fully drawn yet. She moved towards the bathroom, but the door was already ajar, and it was awfully quiet. She pushed the door open all the way, and nearly fainted when she found it empty. She whirled around, her eyes wide and frantic, her chest already starting to heave in panic, as she desperately tried to school her features to avoid scaring the toddler currently clinging to Barba, and eyeing her warily.

Her brain had completely shut off, her mouth hung open, ragged breath leaving her lips, but no words came out. She couldn't even string along a sentence if her life depended on it. She saw Barba reach into his pocket, and pull out his phone, though she was not sure who exactly was he calling.

"What the….." the voice trailed off, and her eyes cut to the person standing in the doorway gaping at the empty bed. Dr. Thompson, Savina's doctor, and he too had no idea where she was. This was not good.

The logical part of her brain tried to remind her that Fin had spent the night with her, that she needed to call him before she worked herself into a frenzy. But the non-logical part was already in control, her own demons and fears rearing their heads, and conjuring up every single possible scenario….none of them were good. Her eyes found Barba again, his phone pressed to his ear, as he mumbled something into it.

Olivia held on to the sliver of hope, that distant echo of logic that reminded her that Fin would die before he let anything happen to her little girl; that if any of the horrible scenarios in her head were true, she would've walked in and found him lying in a pool of his own blood, probably along with the killer.

But to her horror, Fin wasn't picking up, and the sound of the ringing was somewhere very close.

To her surprise, Dr. Thompson took a step back into the hall, and the sound of laughter finally reached her ear. She bolted from the room, but was pulled back before she could reach the corridor by Barba. He grabbed her arm, and she sent daggers his way. She needed to see her daughter, and he knew it well enough. But a pointed look at her right arm, made her realize that her weapon was still drawn.

"Ms. Matthews, what do you think you're doing?" Dr. Thompson chastised.

She quickly holstered her gun, and ran to the hallway just in time to see Savina leaning against Fin, with both Rollins and Carisi flanking her on both sides, and the officer trailing behind them. She could see how heavily Savina was leaning against Fin, one hand grasping his tightly, as she walked briskly towards the room. They had all stopped when Dr. Thompson came into view, and the squad eyed Olivia warily when she all but stormed out of the room, and stood there almost staring at Savina, eyes gaping, mouth slightly open as her breath came out ragged and shallow, her chest rising and falling erratically. Barba followed her closely behind, with Noah in his arms, the toddler grinning ruefully the second he saw Savina, and immediately reached for her. Barba put his hand on his chest, and pulled him back into his embrace. "No, Mijo, not now."

"Olivia, are you alright?" Savina croaked, her voice slightly wavering, giving way to the exhaustion she actually felt.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Olivia whispered, past the lump in her throat, as she moved closer to the teenager, her eyes briefly flickering over to her team, and they all winced at the daggers they saw flying out of her eyes. They all knew they were gonna get their asses handed over to them as soon as she got the chance.

"I'm still waiting!" Dr. Thompson interrupted, and Savina arched an eyebrow at him questioningly, so he added. "What is it that you think you're doing?"

"You see, when you put one foot ahead, then the other, and then just repeat that action, it's called walking!" Savina quipped cheekily, and he gave her an unamused glare. "You just seemed to have a problem recognizing it, so I figured I'd explain it. I'm sure Noah is even familiar with the concept," she continued, her eyes dancing with so much mischief, Olivia couldn't help but smile softly, as one hand found its way to her back. Savina flinched slightly at first, but when Olivia moved her thumb up and down comfortingly, she immediately relaxed.

"Sassy!" Noah called for her, his arms reaching for her once more, and she nodded at Barba, before she let go of Fin's hand, but continued to lean on him, and he wrapped one hand around her waist to keep her steady. Barba carefully maneuvered the toddler into her arms, and she moved him to her uninjured side, where he immediately burrowed into the crook of her neck.

"I agree with the kid!" the brunette doctor huffed, as he crossed his arms over his chest, and gave her the most disapproving look he could muster.

"You're acting like I ran a marathon, I simply walked to the cafeteria, ate, and headed back," she defended, though she made no sign to show that she was planning on heading into her room any time soon.

"One of those trips should've been in a wheelchair. I said don't over exhaust yourself!" he retorted.

"The nurse got her a wheelchair, and she used it all the way to the elevator on the way down, she merely walked to the cafeteria from the elevator," Fin quickly jumped to her defense.

"And besides, I don't stretch myself too thin. If I can't seem to do something, I don't do it," she shot back, her voice acquiring an edge suddenly, the humor that vibrated in it mere seconds ago slowly slipping away.

"I said take it easy," he reminded her.

"Yeah, well, and the plastic surgeon said that walking would help circulation and wound healing, so you two need to get on the same page," she snapped.

A heavy silence descended upon the hallway, and Noah – seemingly aware that Savina was upset – tightened his arms around her, and snuggled more into her embrace, who in turn leaned her head against his. Dr. Thompson sighed loudly in an attempt to get his frustration under control, before he spoke again, in a much gentler tone this time. "Savina, the extensive blood work we did on you showed a cocktail of drugs that were masked, and didn't show on the initial tox screen," he started, and she flinched slightly, her arms subconsciously tightening around Noah's smaller frame. "I've never seen so many drugs in one page since med school," he continued, and Savina's lips twitched slightly, as the ghost of a smile pulled at her lips. "We're starting to flush them out, and I don't want you coding on me again."

"I have no intention of coding again, nor will I let things get that far. And most importantly, I don't think any of them will let me. It was a walk! They were all walking at my pace, and if it did anything, is actually work up an appetite for me to eat. Which is good for recovery, or so I hear," she spoke gently.

He sighed, a smile tugging at his lips as well, as he fished his flashlight pen out of his pocket, and wiggled it tauntingly in front of Savina, who groaned. "Why?" she whined.

"Payback!" he deadpanned, as he flashed it in her eyes, one at a time. "Follow my finger," he instructed, and once he was done, he took a step back. "You seem to be doing fine on your feet with a toddler in your hands, so your balance is clearly not that bad. But you should try to take it easy a bit," he informed her, and she nodded, along with practically everyone standing in the hall with them.

"Don't worry, Doc, we'll make sure she follows the rules," Fin assured him, and the doctor nodded before taking his leave.

"How about I take Noah, so we can get you back into bed?" Olivia suggested, her voice still a bit hoarse from the scare she got earlier, and when Savina looked over at her to negate, she finally saw the look in her eyes, and the pieces finally fell into place.

"You didn't know where we were, did you?" she asked softly, and Olivia merely swallowed visibly in response.

"I'm sorry, Liv. I knew you wouldn't switch your phone off, and if I had sent a text, you would've panicked before you even read it. I didn't think you'd be in till much later," Fin apologized quickly.

"No, it's alright. I overreacted," she reassured them, and Savina smiled sympathetically at her. "No, you didn't," she shook her head. "I probably would've done the same thing, if the situation had been reversed."

Savina knew that Olivia asking for Noah wasn't because she didn't trust her, but rather because she needed the comfort. She knew that, and knew that she needed to have _her_ in her arms, but Savina wasn't ready for that just yet. And so, she allowed Olivia to take Noah, who didn't really seem to mind, before they started to head back to the room.

"Rollins, can I talk to you a minute?" Barba, who had been silent through it all, asked, and Amanda nodded. They both hung back, while the rest of the group made it back to the room. Fin's phone pinged just as they got inside, he fished it out and opened the text. "Damn, Vina!" he exclaimed, and Savina turned around to look at him. He had given her the nickname the night before, and she was starting to like it. It made her feel special, Carisi had already told her that Fin had been nicer to him when he first started, and that he sometimes called Olivia 'baby girl', because he thought of her as his younger sister, and it showed how much he cared for her. So she knew that dubbing her 'Vina' was his way of showing her she mattered too.

He turned the phone towards her, as he spoke. "Hospital sent over your updated bloodwork, that's more drugs than I've seen in the past sixteen years….combined!" he commented.

"Makes me feel so special," she drawled out sarcastically, as she settled into the bed, and happily settled Noah into her lap with her phone.

"Well, at least there weren't any mushrooms," Fin hinted pointedly, and she grinned cheekily at him, while Olivia looked slightly confused for a few seconds, before it finally dawned on her, and she groaned. "You told her about that," she was more amused than shocked.

"Yep!" Savina replied, and she looked over at her in time to see the laughter dancing slightly in her eyes. But she easily spotted the ghost of pain as well. "He wasn't kidding when he said he had sixteen worth of dirt on you, though I think we barely covered a year's worth!" she teased.

"Great! Now I have to make sure I never leave the two of you alone again!" Olivia groaned, happy that the pained expression was off her little girl's face – even if it was a temporary fix – and that the earlier gloom had dissipated, and they were all back to chatting happily.

"What mushrooms?" Carisi wondered, and Olivia groaned once more when she saw the identical cheeky grins of Fin and Savina's lips. But she didn't care if Fin told every embarrassing story about her that he knew, if it meant Savina would be laughing, if it meant it would help her deal with what happened to her, help her get back on her feet...then she'll never tell him to stop. Hell, she'll tell her some herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terribly sorry for the long wait, but I was trying to update my other two fics, but that didn't go very well either. And the past three eps of SVU have left me reeling! They seriously put her with Tucker! That guy is an asshole! I have nothing against Bobby - if anything, my hatred for Tucker shows his abilities as an actor - and I really don't think they're good for each other. She can't trust him with half the crap that she's pulled...and yet Barba knows it all. So as you can all probably guess, I will be ignoring all things Tuckson related, and if you're a fan, I will warn you that this is not a Tucker-friendly story, since like I said, I can't stand the guy. 
> 
> Anyways, let me know what you all think of this chapter.
> 
> Thank you to all the new follows and favorites, and of course the DMs and reviews, they are much appreciated.


	22. Chapter 22

Saturday found Olivia sitting on the bed, with a few prescription bottles, bandages, and various ointments, as she signed the discharge papers, while Barba moved about the room packing the few items that have managed to find their way from their apartment over the week-long stay. Dr. Thompson was going through the instructions with Olivia - even though she already knew it all by heart - but as he sadly pointed out, Savina's injuries were a bit more extensive than her own. They all looked up from the respective tasks when they heard a knock at the door, and Barba called for whoever was on the other side to come inside. Diana poked her head in, and smiled warmly at the occupants of the room. 

"Hey," she greeted, frowning slightly when she saw Barba packing things up, and the pill containers by Olivia's hand, which was holding the discharge papers steady as she signed them. "You're releasing her?" she questioned, her deep blue eyes fixing the doctor with an accusatory glare. "I thought you said she had at least two weeks here," she reminded him, without giving him a chance to answer. "Why are you releasing her now?" she demanded, her worry now seeping through her previously calm voice. 

Dr. Thompson put a hand up to stop a mainarde of questions that were about to come out of the teenager's mouth. "That's when I thought she was gonna go to a group home, and not go home with her parents. She wasn't that critical actually, but I would've prefered to monitor her closely, rather than release her and pray to God that she gets supervised thoroughly enough," he hastily explained. 

"Oh," was the only thing that came out of Diana's mouth. "That makes sense."

"DIana?" Savina's questioning voice sounded from the bathroom. 

"Yeah," Diana called back. 

"Can you come in here for a sec?" Savina wondered, almost pleadingly, and Diana wordlessly made her way over to the door. But not before she threw a worried and exhausted looking Olivia a reassuring smile. She knocked on the door, after she tried the knob and finding it locked. "Hey, Sav, open up." 

The door clicked open at that, and she pushed it back enough to slip inside, before it clicked closed again. Olivia had her ears tuned in to the sounds on the other side, searching for any sounds of distress. But after a few seconds, she realized that Diana was helping Savina with her clothes. 

Half an hour later, all the papers were signed, the required prescriptions were filled, and Olivia had the instructions memorized by heart. Savina was grudgingly sitting in the wheelchair, with Olivia pushing it, and both Finn and Barba carrying the bags. Diana was walking next to Savina, keeping her updated on all the gossip she was missing out on, and Officer Gonzalez was trailing behind them. Both Olivia and Finn's eyes were darting around the floors in search of a certain redhead, or anyone who seemed out of place. Both of their weapons were on their hips, and Fin even maneuvered all the bags into his left hand, to keep his right one free, and ready to reach for his weapon. 

Barba pulled the car around to the front, and Diana helped Savina out of the wheelchair, and into the backseat with the least disturbance to her ribs as possible. Olivia's heart twisted when Savina hissed in pain when she sat down, no doubt agitating the wounds. Diana wordlessly moved around the car, and slid in next to her. Finn put the bags inside the trunk, before he made his way over to his own car, as Olivia slid into the passenger seat. 

"Sav, why don't you try lying down? Put your head in my lap, you don't have any cuts on your back, and it should help your ribs," Diana suggested, wittily avoiding any mention to the real reason Savina was fidgeting in her seat, and uncomfortable. 

Barba waited patiently for Savina to maneuver her body into lying down like Diana suggested, and for Finn to pull up behind him, before he finally pulled out into traffic. 

The ride to Barba's apartment was mainly spent in Diana and Savina bickering in the backseat, with Savina's smart mouth and sass making both adults laugh, especially when Olivia would give a knowing look to a proud and smug Barba. Olivia was very much enjoying the noise coming from the backseat, even though she hadn't slept properly for a week, and was beyond exhausted. And even though she could feel the beginnings of a headache forming at the back of the skull, and even though she knew that if she simply closed her eyes and asked them to keep it down, she'll be able to keep it at bay....she didn't have the heart to ask for the quiet. She had spent years with that quiet, spent endless nights wishing for the noise, cried away in the darkness of her apartment at how empty and silent it was. And so, she simply rested her head against the window, closed her eyes, and listened to the constant, friendly bickering coming from the backseat, with Barba occasionally weighing in, a small, content smile pulling at her lips. 

* * *

 

Carisi was on the floor, a washcloth draped over one shoulder, the sleeves of his sweater pulled up to his elbows, as he played with Noah. He looked up at the sound of clicking heels, and saw Amanda coming back from the back of the apartment, where all the bedrooms were. 

"Carisi, you're gonna burn the lasagna," she exclaimed when she saw him engrossed in the blocks and cars with Noah. Carisi merely scoffed in response, as he leaned into Noah, and conspirationally whispered to Noah, but kept his voice loud enough for Amanda to hear. "Never take cooking advice from your Aunt Amanda. She barely knows how to defrost a pre-cooked frozen meal, and she burns even that!" 

"What was that Carisi?" Amanda inquired with a raised eyebrow. 

"I think you should leave the cooking to those of us who knows their way around a kitchen!" he deadpanned. 

She opened her mouth to fire off another retort, when the noises coming from the direction of the front door stopped her. Noah's head snapped up immediately at the noise, and he quickly rose to his feet, scrambling over in the direction of the door, with both Amanda and Carisi hot on his heels, just as Finn's voice sounded. 

"Kids!" he called, earning himself two identical sets of eyerolls from Amanda and Carisi, just as Noah squealed his name, as he wrapped an arm around his leg. 

Finn smiled down at the excited almost-two-year old, as he sat down the bags in his hands. "Hey slugger," he greeted, as he unwrapped Noah from around his leg, picking him up and perched him on his hip. Olivia and Barba were not that far behind them, with Diana and Savina walking at a more leisurely pace behind them, their arm interlocked. 

"Sassy!" Noah squealed once he spotted the young brunette, before he abandoned Finn's arms, and reached out for Savina to take him, since he saw Olivia and Barba taking care of coats, jackets and bags. 

"God, I love this kid!" Diana teased, as she took Noah from Finn, planted a kiss to his cheek, and perched him on her own hip. Savina leaned over and planted a kiss to his cheek, before she bumped noses with him a couple of times. "I can't carry you right now, baby. As soon as I sit down though, okay?" she spoke softly, and Noah nodded eagerly. 

"Looks like you and I have been benched!" Barba quipped, and Olivia laughed. 

"Come on in, I'm making lasagna for dinner, and there are grilled chicken and cheese toast for snacks if anyone's hungry," Carisi listed, and Savina's eyebrows rose in surprise. 

"You cook?!" she said in surprise. 

Carisi smirked proudly at her. "If I didn't, they would've starved by now," he joked, and Savina giggled as loud protests sounded from everyone around, as they made their way into the living room. 

"Savina, I got you your backpack from the Salerno's apartment. Doc said you can ease back into schoolwork," Finn told her. 

She nodded, smiling appreciatively at him. "Thanks. Did you happen to get my clothes while you're at it?" she wondered, and he looked at her in confusion, before his eyes locked with Barba's, who simply shook his head at him. 

"You can go get your stuff at anytime, Savina, there's no rush," Barba started, and she turned her head to give him a questioning look. "Come with me," was the simple answer he gave her. She looked over at Olivia, who simply shrugged at her. 

They all followed Barba down the hall to the room that would be Savina's room, and out of them all, Amanda seemed to be the only one not confused. Barba walked inside, and flicked a switch on. "This is gonna be your room," he said, pointing to the now fully furnished room, before he walked into the closet, and flicked a light on in there as well. 

"I told Amanda a few days ago to buy you anything you might need, figured you'll need them," he told her, almost shyly, as he watched her face closely to gauge her reaction.

"You called me yesterday, and asked me what kind of toiletries she used, make up, shoe size," Diana listed, realization now dawning on her.

"Yeah, she and I are basically the same size with jeans and shirts, but I needed help with other things," Amanda explained, as they all now waited for Savina to say something. She walked slowly further into the room, went into the closet, before she went to the bathroom, and finally over to the dresser and looked at the items placed on top of it.

"I really don't know what to say, you didn't have to do any of that," she finally spoke, her voice shaky and slightly choked up.

"Savina, if there's one thing you need to be sure of, is that I never do anything because I have to," Barba interjected softly. "You're our daughter," he stated gently. "And this is what parents do."

Savina nodded tearfully. "Thank you," she whispered, and to both their surprise, she didn't flinch when he leaned forward and kissed her forehead gently. "Don't mention it, just let me know if you need anything."

* * *

They were all sitting around the table, all leaning back in their chairs, their empty plates evident of how delicious the meal Carisi has cooked was. Even Savina had wiped her plate clean, and was leaning her head against Diana's shoulder.

"Damn, that's delicious!" Finn complimented.

"Language," Olivia chastised half-heartedly.

"Can you move in with us?" Diana wondered, and Savina chuckled, her hand flying to her ribs to splint them.

"We should get going," Carisi pointed out, though he made no move to actually get up.

"Actually, before we all go. I know that Mini Dodds will start on Monday, so I figured today was a good day to share something with you all that I don't want the bosses to know just yet," she started, and when they all turned their attention to her, she took a deep breath and released it slowly. "I'm pregnant."

They were all silent, and very still for a few agonizingly long seconds, as they all stared at her. Savina - seemingly the first one to find her voice - sat up straight, and cleared her throat. "Are we happy about this?" she asked cautiously, and Amanda finally realized why they were all silent. She had been terrified about how they'll react, and they all thought the fear on her face was her wariness about the pregnancy. Her face broke into a smile, as her hand went down to lay over her stomach. 

That seemed to kick everybody into overdrive, as they all got up from the table and took turns congratulating her. Noah, who had gone to his blocks a few minutes prior, toddled over to them, and reached for Amanda, seeing as everyone was hugging her, he didn't want to be left out. She happily obliged, and he wrapped his arms around her neck tightly. "Manda," he squealed happily, and she laughed. 

"You won't be the only baby around here anymore," she cooed, and he frowned at her. 

"You're gonna have to tell 1PP at some point, Amanda. I know they're slow, but they'e bound to notice a baby bump at some point," Olivia told her, and she nodded. 

"I know, I know. I promise I'll be careful, but I don't want them putting me on desk duty as soon as the new Sergeant is assigned! I'll be butting heads with him as it is," she remarked, and Olivia had to admit that she did have a point. 

"Don't worry, Liv. We've got her back," Finn assured her. 

"That's one lucky kid," Savina stated. 

"She's not the only one," Amanda reminded her gently. 

"I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terribly sorry for the late update you guys, but I've got some other stories floating about in my head, and the updates depends on which one my brain decides to obsess over, as well as time. I do hope that you enjoy this chapter. Things should start to pick up soon by next chapter, I'll be introducing Dodds a bit sooner than the show did, and some of the storylines from the show will be featured but the timeline may not fit canon. 
> 
> Also, I have a bit of a favor to ask. As some of you many have noticed, I published another story on here called Bir Ask Hikayesi. Details about that story are in the summary, and I was hoping you guys can pop over there and let me know what you think. It's based on a Turkish series, so it might seem like an original story to you guys. So let me know what you all think.


	23. Chapter 23

Sunday morning was the first quiet morning Olivia had had for a while, as she lazily opened her eyes, the glowing numbers on the digital clock swimming into her view blearily. She closed her eyes again, and snuggled once more into her pillow. She could feel Barba's arm resting heavily on her waist, as he snored softly behind her. She blinked open her eyes once more, and squinted a little to focus her vision as she looked at the bright red numbers. She was surprised when she saw it read 8 am. Noah usually woke up by 7 tops, and he usually woke up a couple of times during the night. Not to mention Savina. She wasn't sure if she should be glad or absolutely horrified that Savina didn't wake up screaming in the middle of the night. She had left the door to her room open, and Olivia had put the baby monitor on the dresser by Noah's door facing Savina's room so she could hear Savina in case of a nightmare. She didn't know if that meant Savina closed the door, the monitor, or just somehow endured the nightmares on her own. Or worse, had some sort of relapse, and was either unconscious, hurt, or even worse....dead. 

In her hurry to get out of bed and check on Savina, she wasn't as gentle as she normally was when slipping from under Barba's arm, and his eyes flew open when his arm hit the bed. 

"Liv, what's wrong?" he asked worriedly, when he saw her jerky movements as she pulled her yoga pants on, and headed for the door.

"It's 8 am, and Savina didn't wake up a single time during the night," she stated almost frantically, the door already swinging open. 

The sleep fog was gone in a second, as he too swung his legs over the side of the bed, pulled a shirt over his head, and followed her out. His brain had jumped to the same conclusions her did, and he didn't like either scenario. He had barely made it out of their room, when her panicked voice reached him. "Rafi!" 

The master bedroom was located in a hallway by its own, along with the in-suite bathroom, and the linen closet. While another hallway housed the other two rooms, a small bathroom, another closet, and the make-shift office Barba had set up for himself. And in less than a second, Barba had closed the distance from their room, to where Olivia was standing, glued to the spot between Savina and Noah's rooms, which were facing each other. Both doors were open, and both beds were empty.  

Olivia's head ran wild with scenarios, each more terrifying than the other. She wanted to move, to go check the rest of the apartment, but her feet refused to work. Her eyes were frantic as she pleadingly looked at Barba, as if he somehow held the answer to where both her children seem to have suddenly disappeared. 

Luckily for her, Barba didn't have the habit of jumping to conclusions like she did. After all, he hadn't been working SVU nearly as long as she was, so his first response wasn't to always assume the worst. He perfectly understood why she would react like this, but he also knew that if her brain wasn't too busy panicking, she would've noticed the same things he did; the baby monitor was switched off, and no longer on the dresser by the bed where they left it; Savina's bed - while showing signs of being used - was missing one of the pillows; and most importantly, the faint sound coming from the living room. She would've also remembered that she was the one who locked the door, windows, triple checked them, that they lived on the twelfth floor, and the fire-escape ladder didn't lead to any of the windows. His heart broke when he saw the panic and fear in her eyes, as she silently begged him to give her an answer. He put his hands on her arms, and held her gaze firmly and reassuringly, before he spoke. "Why don't we check the living room?" he kept his voice low and leveled. Since there were no sounds of scampering feet as a certain toddler made his way towards them, he assumed that they didn't hear Olivia's panicked cry moments ago, and he didn't want to startle them. She wordlessly nodded, and he maneuvered her towards the living room, one arm wrapped around her shoulders, while the other held onto her hand firmly. 

The noises coming from the living room grew louder as they approached the room, and Barba immediately recognized the monotonous voice of the morning stock market news report. He frowned, Noah would never allow Savina to watch something like this - especially this early in the morning, and not when morning cartoons were on - and he seriously doubted that Savina had any interest in the stock market. He knew Olivia heard the sound from the TV when he felt her body relax slightly, but one look at her face told him that the same thoughts were going through her head. 

Once they reached the room, Olivia released the breath she was holding, and her face broke into a smile at the sight that greeted her. Just like Barba suspected, the TV was showing the morning stock market report from around the world. And the reason why Noah was actually letting it play, was because he was fast asleep on the couch, snuggled up to a soundly sleeping Savina. The missing pillow was propped up against the armrest of the couch, with a throw blanket covering them both. Savina was on her left, both her arms encircling Noah. 

Barba silently walked over to the remote, and picked it up from the coffee table, intending to switch it off, but Olivia stopped him. "No, leave it. It's probably what helped her sleep," she whispered, as she fell to her knees by the couch. She brushed some of Savina's hair away from her face, her other hand rubbing Noah's side gently, before she leaned down and feathered a kiss to each of their temples. The kiss made Noah stir, but didn't affect Savina at all, much to her surprise. She kept rubbing his side, but his eyes fluttered open nonetheless, and she quickly - but gently - turned him within Savina's arms to face her, and pressed her finger to her lips, when he grinned at the sight of her in the morning for the first time that week, and she was worried he would squeal or make some loud noise, and wake his sister up. Luckily for her, he seemed to get the message, and pressed his own finger to his lips, and even shushed her himself. "Sina sleeping," he whispered, and she smiled softly at him, before she looked over at Savina, who was still seemingly oblivious to the whole interaction. She pulled herself to her feet, and helped Noah slip from Savina's arms carefully without waking her, before they all made their way once more to the back of the apartment. 

"Rafi, can you start getting him ready for the day? And your mom is coming over at 10 to have breakfast with us, so can you text her and tell her not to knock or buzz, and to just use the spare key we gave her?" she wondered, and he nodded. "You think she'll be asleep till then?" he asked, and she shrugged. "Don't wanna take any chances," she replied, as she went into Savina's room, and pulled the comforter off the bed, and made her way back to the living room. She put the comforter over Savina, and made sure she was fully covered, before she pressed another kiss to her temple. "Sweet dreams, baby," she whispered softly, before she headed to her room to get ready for the day. 

* * *

By the time 10 am rolled around, both Barba and Olivia were standing in the kitchen - which was thankfully closed off from the living room - preparing a Sunday breakfast feast, with Noah munching on some bananas in his high chair, while Savina continued to sleep soundly on the couch in the living room. Barba left Olivia to stir the eggs, and went to set the table, just as Lucia walked through the door. He put the plates on the table, and made his way over to the door, just as she was taking her coat off. 

"Hola, Mijo," he greeted. 

"Good morning, Mami," he said, as he kissed her cheek, before he took her coat from her, and hung it in the closet by the door. 

"Savina still sleeping I take it since you're practically whispering," she stated, and he nodded. "We woke up this morning, and found both her and Noah fast asleep on the couch," he informed her, as they walked together into the apartment. 

"Olivia nearly had a heart attack when she found their beds empty, didn't she?" It was more of a statement, rather than a question, but he nodded nonetheless. By then, they had both made it into the living room, and Lucia smiled softly at the sight of Savina curled up on the couch. "She looks so much like Olivia," she commented, and he chuckled. 

"Yeah, something about her seemed familiar when I first saw her picture but I couldn't place it. When I read her birthdate, some distant part of my mind made the crazy leap, but I simply scoffed at the idea, and simply attributed it to the exhaustion, and the stress the day put us all under. But then....." he trailed off. 

"But then it came true," she finished for him, and he nodded. 

"I couldn't believe what I was reading when Melinda showed me the results, but her face kept floating in front of me, and......and I didn't know what to think. I was thrilled that her baby was alive, but then I realized what that bitch had put her through.....and I suddenly wished Liv had shot him when she had the chance. I didn't care if it would've cost her her job, if it meant that girl didn't go through the same hell Liv went through," he confessed. 

Lucia rubbed his back gently, and rested her head against his temple. "She has you two now, and a whole squad who are willing to track that woman through the dark depths of hell. You will get through this," she assured him, and he nodded. 

Just then, Olivia came out of the kitchen looking for Barba, who seemingly disappeared when he went to set the table. "Oh," she exclaimed when she saw Lucia, and ushered her over. "So that's where you disappeared off to," she said, once they were close enough to hear her. "I thought Savina had a nightmare," she told him, and he shook his head. "No, she's fine. Sleeping like a baby."

"Why don't I set the table, and you can help Liv bring out the plates?" Lucia suggested, and Barba nodded. 

"Do you think we should wake her to have breakfast with us, or let her sleep?" Barba wondered, and Olivia sighed audibly. "I've been debating that for the past hour or so, I don't know. She might take it the wrong way if we don't wake her, or she might not eat at all. You saw how well she ate last night when we were all sitting together. But I don't know when she fell asleep," she rambled. 

"How about we wake her, and she can go back to bed after we eat? She needs to take her meds anyways," Barba offered, and she just hung her head helplessly. 

"I feel so helpless," she whispered, and he moved closer to her, and pulled her into him. "I know," was all he could say. 

Once the table was ready, Barba went to get Noah from his high chair, while Olivia slowly made her way over to the couch, and knelt next to it again. "Savina," she called gently, one hand on her shoulder, rubbing it, but she didn't so much as stir. "Savina, sweetheart, time to wake up," she tried again, as she shook her gently, careful not to aggravate any injuries. She ran her other hand through her hair, as she continued to call her name. After a few seconds, Savina groaned slightly, before she cracked her eyes open. Olivia smiled softly at her, her heart aching when she saw the exhaustion in them. She remembered the first couple of weeks after the attack, the dark circles, the bloodshot eyes, the slow movements. And if the week they spent in the hospital was any indication, Savina didn't sleep till the sun was up. 

"Good morning," she greeted lovingly, her hand still running through her hair, smiling sadly when Savina groaned. "What time is it?" she croaked out.

"A little after ten. Breakfast is ready, and Lucia is here," she told her. "Do you want to have breakfast, or go back to sleep and eat later?" she asked, as she watched Savina struggle to keep her eyes open, so she decided for her. "It's okay, go back to sleep. You can eat when you wake up," she stated, but wasn't sure if Savina even heard her, since her eyes had fluttered closed and didn't open once more. She pressed a kiss to her forehead, made sure she was tucked in, and headed for the table. 

"I take it she chose sleep," Lucia stated when Olivia came in on her own, and Olivia nodded. "She could barely keep her eyes open, and I don't even know if she was fully aware of what was going on," she told them, as she took her seat by Noah's high chair. "Come on, dig in, I'll make her some when she wakes up," she said, pointing to the beautiful spread on the table. 

"Olivia, I don't know who you think we are, but I don't think the three of us can finish all that!" Lucia scoffed, smiling gently at the brunette. 

* * *

About an hour later, they were all done with breakfast, but were still sitting around the table, chatting amicably with each other, each with their own cup of coffee. 

"Any news on the nuns, or the baby's birth mother?" Lucia asked, and Olivia shook her head. "She's not on any escort website, or with any of the escort services. She was arrested a few times for soliciting, but none of the addresses we managed to find have panned out," Olivia responded. "And the nuns are still in Guatemala, the Church won't give us an exact return date, and we don't really want to let on that they're under arrest," she added. 

"You think they might keep them there if you guys serve them a warrant or something?" Lucia was surprised, and a little reluctant to believe that the entire church was in on it. 

Olivia shrugged. "We don't really know who was in on it. I only saw the two nuns, but we don't know how far it goes. That's why we want to talk to the other mother first. See what she has to say, and take it from there."

"Did you try talking to the Matthews? Maybe they know something," Lucia suggested, and turned around when Barba snorted. "Fin and Rollins went to talk to Charles, Michael Matthews eldest brother," he started, his voice strained with anger, and his face clenching slightly to keep himself from growling, or using some of the colorful language he had in mind. "He said that the family didn't approve of the whole thing. That adopting a twenty-first century Quasimodo," he air-quoted the last part, and Olivia's eyebrows shot up in surprise, her face showing the sadness she felt, before it all morphed into anger. And judging by the look on her face, if Charles Matthews was within her reach, she would've rung his neck where he stood. He took a shuddering breath to calm his nerves before he continued. "That it brought disgrace to the whole family. That apparently they told Michael to choose between Savina, and his share in the company, and he chose Savina. So the only thing they know is that the baby was unwanted by the birth mother, and that the church arranged the whole thing, and that the mother didn't even stick around to see her kid. She simply abandoned her on the steps of the church," he finished his tale. 

"Jesus Christ," Lucia breathed in shock. 

"That's why she didn't inherit any of her father's money when he died," Barba added. 

"I'm gonna kill them," Olivia breathed, and Barba had no doubt that she meant every word. 

"I'm gonna get another cup. Anybody up for refills?" he asked, as he abandoned his seat, but both women shook their heads, as he headed for the kitchen, snagging Noah's water cup on his way to refill it. As soon as he went into the kitchen, Savina appeared in the doorway, sleepily dragging her feet over to the table. 

"Morning, Niña," Lucia greeted, as she rose from her chair, and kissed her softly on the cheek. She smiled back. "I think it's almost noon by now," she corrected, as she took Olivia's hand and squeezed it in greeting. "Morning," she said, as she squated down slightly to kiss Noah's cheek. "And morning to you, kiddo," she cooed, chuckling lightly when Noah turned around and gave her a sloppy, sticky kiss with his syrup covered lips and chin. 

"I take it we have pancakes for breakfast," she quipped, as she grabbed a tissue and wiped the syrup off her face. 

"It's a full Sunday spread; pancakes, bacon, eggs, French toast, and waffles," Olivia listed, as Savina went around the table and plopped down onto the chair that Barba just vacated. "Was I dreaming, or did you try waking me up a while ago?" she wondered, as she put some toast, and eggs onto her plate. 

Olivia smiled. "No, you weren't. You could barely keep your eyes open."

"Yeah, I don't remember anything, just you....vaguely," Savina stated. "I wasn't rude or mean, or something, was I?" she added as an afterthought, and Olivia shook her head. "No, sweetheart, you weren't," she assured her. 

Just then, Barba returned from the kitchen and smiled when he saw Savina in his chair, eating. "Morning, sleeping beauty," he teased, and she chuckled. "Yeah, sorry about the couch," she said between bites, but he shook his head, as he put Noah's cup back in front of him, and moved around the table. 

"Don't worry about it. I just don't know how comfortable it is," he declared. 

She looked up at him, and chuckled. "I've slept on worse," she said nonchalantly, and Olivia nearly spit out her coffee. Barba was thankful that he was already moving around her chair to get to the one next to her to sit down when she said that, otherwise she would've seen the anger and pain flashing in his eyes, and she might've misinterpreted them.

"I'm in your seat, aren't I?" she realized when she saw him pull the chair next to her, and made a move to get up, but he placed a hand on her shoulder to keep her in place. "It's fine, I'm just glad you're actually eating."

 Savina smiled gratefully at him, before she eyed the coffee mug in his hand critically. "I don't think I've ever seen you without a coffee cup in your hand," she teased, and he laughed genuinely at her.

"That's because he's seldom without one," Olivia stated with a smirk, as his mother groaned. Luckily for him, the doorbell rang, and saved him from any further torture. They all looked surprised, no one was supposed to come that day. Olivia slid out from her chair, and headed for the door, just as Lucia asked Savina what time she finally fell asleep that night. 

"I think it was close to five. Noah woke up around three, and wanted me to snuggle up to him on the bed, but I couldn't quite fit into the toddler bed just yet. So I took him out with me, and he fell asleep before I even made it to the couch, but I couldn't put him back in bed, so I gave up and let him sleep with me on the couch," she recounted, before she turned to Barba. "I don't what routine you guys have him on, so I hope I didn't mess anything up," she said, and he smiled reassuringly at her. "Don't worry, he ends up in bed with me and Olivia sometimes too. I just hope he wasn't too much trouble for you," he alluded, and she shook her head. "He hardly moved, or I was just that exhausted," she told him, just as Olivia, and Diana - much to their surprise - appeared.

"Are you trying to give me a stroke?" Diana practically screeched at Savina, who frowned at her. "What? No, why?"

"I called you like a billion times, and you weren't picking up," Diana exclaimed as if it explained everything.

"My phone's in my room, with the ringer off, and I was asleep," Savina shot back gently. "Why did you freak out?" she wondered.

"Because the last time you did that, you ended up disappearing for a week!" Diana hissed, and Savina sighed.

"I know. But I'm not living with Salerno's anymore," Savina refuted, as she abandoned her seat, and moved around the table to hug her friend, who still didn't seem convinced, and simply raised an eyebrow at her, as she defiantly spoke. "So?!"

"So, I think if I go missing, they're gonna notice," Savina stated simply, and Diana sighed audibly, as she dropped her head on Savina's shoulder.

"Don't do that to me again," she mumbled into her shoulder.

"Don't call before noon, and I promise I won't," Savina quipped, earning herself a jab in the ribs, the uninjured ones.

"Sit down, and help yourself," Olivia offered, as she gestured to the chair she just vacated.

"No, thanks, I already ate," Diana smiled. "I wanted to give her this week's stuff to work on them when she can," she added, before she turned back towards Savina. "I know Dr. Thompson said to take it easy, so deadlines don't really apply to you. I will swing by once a week to pick up Calculus, Physics and Chemistry stuff, since those are a pain to do on a computer, and the rest you can submit online," she informed Savina.

"And how many more days are they letting me take off?" Savina wondered.

"Until Dr. Thompson signs off on you," Barba was the one who answered her, and Diana -to Savina's surprise - nodded. "Yeah, take as much time as you need," she concurred.

"Uuuuuh, Mr. Bernstein hates me, and I highly doubt that he agreed to this!" Savina interjected, but Diana simply smirked. "True, but when your parents happen to be an NYPD lieutenant, and an ADA, he pretty much doesn't have a say in the matter. Take all the time you need, school won't go anywhere until then. Despite our many prayers that it goes up in flames," Diana grunted at the end, and Savina chuckled. 

"Trust me, bedrest is not all that's cranked up to be. I was bored out of my mind at the hospital," she told her. 

"That's because hospitals are boring, I don't think you'll be bored now," Diana shot back. "Speaking of boredom, I, unlike you, actually have to abide by the deadlines, so I have to go. If you need anything, just give me a call, I'm literally two blocks away," Diana added, and Savina nodded. 

* * *

 

By the time noon had actually rolled around, Savina was done with her food, and was putting the leftovers in containers, while Olivia loaded the dishwasher. Barba and Lucia were both in the living room, playing with Noah, and chatting amicably, after Barba had put the comforter and pillow back into Savina's room.  

"What time did you fall asleep last night?" Olivia asked, not having heard Lucia and Barba ask her before. 

"Around five I think, late night TV is magnificent for insomnia," she joked, and Olivia laughed. "Yeah, infomercials have a way of hypnotizing you."

"Yeah, so does Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I didn't even make it through an entire episode!" 

"You want me to get you the DVDs?" Olivia quipped, and Savina laughed. 

"I think I'd rather stay up!" Savina confessed jokingly. 

"Thank you for taking Noah, I don't know why I didn't hear him," Olivia apologized. 

"He didn't cry, he was barely even fussing, so I went to get him before he woke you guys up. This is the first decent sleep you've had all week," Savina told her. 

"If you want me to, I can stay up with you," Olivia offered, but Savina shook her head. 

"No, no, that won't be necessary. You can't go to work on next to no sleep, and I actually did doze off yesterday when I first went to bed, but I woke up later," she explained, and Olivia paled. "I didn't hear you...." she trailed off, not entirely sure how to finish that sentence, but she knew Savina understood what she meant. 

"I didn't wake up from a nightmare, I moved in bed, and turned over to my right side. My ribs screamed in protest, which woke me up," Savina quickly assured her, and Olivia nodded stiffly. "That's why I took the couch, if I don't have enough room, I usually don't move in my sleep," she stated, and Olivia's heart broke. She knew that it was a skill she had developed from years of sleeping on bunk beds, sofas and God knows what. "But I can't really keep doing this, or else I might ruin the couch," Savina added, as she placed the last container in the fridge. 

"Don't worry about the couch, whatever helps you sleep," Olivia refuted sincerely, and Savina turned around and smiled shyly at her. 

"Can I ask you something?" she hesitated, and Olivia turned around from the sink, grabbing the washcloth as she went, and drying her hands. 

"Anything, baby," she said simply. 

"Is your offer to go see someone still up?" she wondered, and Olivia wordlessly nodded. Savina took a deep breath and released it slowly, and Olivia simply waited patiently for her to say the words. Dr. Lindstrom had told her not to assume anything, and to let her decide what pace she wanted to set. She knew it wasn't easy for her asking for help, but she hoped that if she was asking to see Lindstrom, that it was a step in the right direction. 

"Can I take you up on it?" she asked hesitantly, as she started to fidget with her fingers. 

"Of course, you can. I'll call his office tomorrow, and see when he can fit you in," Olivia told her, and Savina nodded. 

"Thank you," she whispered, and Oliva moved a bit closer to her. She took her chin between her index and her thumb, and raised her head to catch her gaze. She desperately wanted to hold her, but Savina didn't seem like she was ready for that yet. So she had to settle for making sure she understood that she meant every word, and made sure that she could see the sincerity in her eyes. "You never have to thank me for anything. You're my daughter, and I already told you that I will do whatever it takes to help you get through this," she promised, and Savina nodded, as she tried to blink away the tears. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, was I the only one who noticed Barba patting Tucker on the back during the last ep? I so wanted to see him and Liv make up, and him and Tucker bromancing :D


	24. Chapter 24

The day went by fairly uneventfully, Lucia and Noah made quite the commotion all day, with Savina sometimes joining in, as Olivia and Barba watched on happily, occasionally participating as well. So by the time Noah's bedtime rolled around, he was so exhausted, that he actually fell asleep without fussing, and Lucia had taken that as her cue to head home as well. 

It was almost 10, and Olivia was wrapping up the kitchen clean-up, while Barba took care of the living room mess, when Savina appeared in the doorway. 

"Hey, sweetheart," Olivia greeted, as she dried her hands. "You want me to help you get the couch ready?" she offered, but Savina chuckled, though the humor didn't quite reach her eyes. "No, that's okay. I'm not sleepy, so I think I'll just watch TV, and give the room another try tonight," she said softly, her fingers fumbling nervously with the hem of her shirt, as she looked anywhere but Olivia. 

"Sweetheart, what is it?" Olivia encouraged gently, as she closed the distance.

Savina kept staring at her fidgeting fingers for a few more seconds, before she took a calming breath, plastered a smile on her face, and finally met her mother's gaze. "Nevermind, I'm just gonna ask Lucy in the morning," Savina brushed it off, and turned around to leave, but Olivia caught her arm, and noticed that she winced slightly as she moved back to face her. That, coupled with the feel of the bandage wrapped around her wrist in her hand, lit the bulb in Olivia's head. 

"You need help with the dressings?" Olivia barely managed to keep her voice leveled enough to mask the pain. The pain wasn't just from the entire messed up situation, but because of what she realized Savina just did. She had come to ask for her help, but decided - for some reason - to just ask Lucy, and not her own mother. 

"Um, yeah. But it's okay, it can wait till tomorrow. I got them all, just the one on my thigh, and my wrists. I'm sure Lucy can help me with them in the morning," she offered, but didn't take her hand back, that was still resting limply in Olivia's hand, with her thumb moving over the bandage absent-mindedly. 

"Savina, you don't have to do this. I was gonna check up on you once I was done anyway. I didn't forget, I know they need to be changed," Olivia alluded softly, but Savina shook her head. 

"Olivia, really, it's no big deal. I......" she trailed off, not entirely sure how to finish the sentence, as her other hand found the hem of her shirt once more, and twisted around. 

"You what?" Olivia wondered, and Savina sighed sadly before she mumbled. "I think we'll drive Rafael crazy if both of us start getting nightmares," she alluded, her attempt at humor masking the true message behind her words, and Olivia nearly lost it. 

"Yo.....you....," she cleared her throat. "You wanted to ask Lucy so you wouldn't trigger me?" she stammered, and Savina smiled gently at her. "I know a thing or two about PTSD, and I know that certain things can act as triggers for nightmares even years after the incident. And I  _really_ don't wanna trigger you, or remind you of the worst four days of your life," Savina almost pleaded. 

At that, Olivia couldn't hold herself back any longer, and she pulled Savina into her arms, as she buried her mouth and nose into her hair. To her surprise, Savina didn't push her back, she merely stiffened for a second, before she relaxed slightly, and just allowed Olivia to hold her, and get the comfort she needed. 

After a few seconds, Olivia finally let Savina go, with a bit of a plan in mind about how to try and ease her fears, and to hopefully stop the tiptoeing around her. She silently took her hand, and led her back to her room. Savina, albeit her confusion, silently followed her mother. Dread filling her that she may have driven the only family who seemed to want her away, or that she did something to upset them somehow. Once they reached the room, Olivia walked over to the pharmacy bags open on the desk, and took out the supplies she needed, as Savina made herself comfortable -well, as comfortable as one can get in these situations- before she sat on the edge of the bed, and sorted out the supplies in her lap. 

She saw Savina bury her face into a pillow, and her hands fisting around it, as she tried to keep her emotions under control. "You know," she started, her voice gentle, as she carefully removed the old bandage from the wound, and started to clean it. "Ever since I was ten, I had dreamed of becoming a mother. I never really fantasized about the fairytale wedding, or the princess wedding dress. I always wanted to get to the part with the baby," she continued, her eyes frequently flickering over to Savina, whose fists had loosened slightly from around the fabric, and her eyes were now open, but staring at an invisible spot on the wall. "When my desk sergeant pointed out my heightened sense of smell, and my seemingly sudden and weird cravings, I immediately put two and two together. I bought about ten different types of pregnancy tests that day, and took them all. I wasn't in a relationship, I knew I would be doing it on my own, I had absolutely no idea how I was going to handle work with a baby....I wasn't sure about anything. But those two minutes while I waited for the results, I spent them praying that they come back positive. I was crying throughout the entire doctor's visit, to the point that he actually suggested that I terminate the pregnancy. I hadn't figured out anything, but I was sure of one thing. I wanted the baby. I wanted  _you_.....and the rest of it.....well, it can all go to hell for all I care," her voice had gone down to a mere whisper by then, and she looked up after she was done with the burn mark on her thigh, to find Savina's beautiful molten-brown eyes staring back at her, both in wonder, and fear alike. She saw the tears glistening in them, and she gently pried her hands away from the pillow, taking them into her own. 

"I spent the longest four days of my life with Lewis, but they weren't the worse. They definitely rank high up, but I knew that it was only a matter of time before my squad finds me. I knew that all I had to do was keep fighting, and survive. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction, and I knew they would come to my rescue. The worst day of my life was walking back into my apartment that was filled with baby stuff without a baby; was standing over the small casket that held the one thing I wished for the most, was all those years I spent dreaming of what my daughter would look like. You're not a trigger, you don't bring back memories of Lewis. You only remind me of all the fantasies I had in my head about what having a daughter would be like, and it reminds me to make the most of every moment," she finished, her tears now sliding down her cheeks one by one, as her hand found Savina's face, and cupped it gently, her thumb moving gently over her cheek, and wiping the tears as the slid down one by one as well. She felt Savina squeeze her hand, and she smiled. It was a small gesture, but it was huge to Savina, and to Olivia. It meant that Savina believed her, that she managed to take a fraction of the fear embedded in her baby's head away. That coupled with the look in Savina's eyes....that faint glimmer of trust, were enough for the time being. 

* * *

Six o'clock in the morning came too soon for Olivia, she felt like she just fell asleep mere minutes ago, and her body needed more rest. She had quite a day ahead of her, and her brain was not ready to wake up yet. She groaned slightly when she heard the bathroom door open, and the light streaming from it hit her face. 

Barba chuckled at her groan, and smiled sympathetically at her. "Morning to you too, sweetheart," he teased, and she merely groaned again, as she pulled the covers over her head. "How can you be possibly be perky so early in the morning?" she whined, as he pulled the covers off of her, and helped her get her messy hair out of her face. 

"Easy. I didn't go to sleep after the last nightmare," he answered truthfully, and she smiled -almost sadly- at his thoughtfulness.

"That was two hours ago, Rafi. You could've stolen some sleep," she said gently, as she took his hand into hers.

"Actually, after you fell asleep, Noah whined a bit, so I settled him. But it was just in time for another nightmare," he informed her, and she shook her head helplessly. "It didn't take me long to wake her, but  by the time she fell back asleep, I barely had an hour before I had to get back up, so I just decided to get some work done instead," he continued. 

"You won't be able to last the day like that," she shot back gently, and he simply shrugged. "I can always crash on the couch during lunch if the need arise, but I've had far less sleep before, and managed to survive," he dismissed her. She smiled lovingly at him, as she pulled herself up on her elbows, and caught his lips with hers.

"You don't have to do all this," she whispered against his mouth, once she pulled back, and he sighed in aggravation. "Liv, how many times do I have to tell you this? I don't do anything because I _have_ to. And at the risk of repeating myself for the third time, she's my daughter too. I want to be here for her too," he shot back gently, and she could feel her heart melt at his words. 

* * *

An hour later, they were both showered and dressed, and Noah was already fed and ready for his day with Lucy. Luckily for Olivia, Savina hadn't woken up again screaming, and in the few times she checked on her, she seemed to be peacefully asleep. 

Lucy had just let herself in, just as Olivia was clipping her badge and gun to her belt. 

"Morning," Lucy greeted cheerfully, as she bent down to welcome a squealing Noah into her arms. "Hi, baby boy," she kissed his cheek gently, and he gave her a smacking kiss. 

"Morning, Lucy," Olivia greeted, as she walked over to the brunette, with her purse and coat in her hand. "He's already been fed, so he just needs to finish his milk, and should be ready for his play date with you," Olivia told her, her eyes narrowing at a cheeky Noah. "And I left the door to Savina's room open, the noise from the living room should help her sleep, but I just need you to keep Noah out of the room, she barely got any sleep last night," Olivia said, and Lucy nodded sympathetically at her. "And can you listen for any noises coming from her room, just in case she's having a nightmare? And just check in on her from time to time?" she hoped, and Lucy nodded eagerly. "Of course, Liv. I'll keep an eye on her. Don't worry," she tried to assure the worrying mama bear, but she knew that no amount of assurances can give keep the worry and fear at bay. 

Barba basically had to drag Olivia away from Savina's room, and out of the apartment ten minutes later, so she won't be late for work. He knew that Chief Dodds was showing up with the mini version of himself, and Olivia had to be there to greet them, otherwise Dodds Senior was not going to let that go.

And he was right, less than a minute after she had dropped her things in her office, she saw them both walking into the squad room, and heading straight for her office. She plastered a smile on her face, and hoped that the three large coffees she drank before she came in, as well as the makeup she used the night before would hide how tired she really felt. She knew the worry was another thing, but Dodds was a father, he could at least understand that she can't really switch her heart off. 

By the time lunch hour rolled around, she was all but ready to throw in the towel and call it a day. She had been showing Mike Dodds the ropes all day, and despite what she feared, he was a quick study, and he didn't seem to have as many assumptions as she would've thought. Though she didn't know if this was his true nature, or if he was merely dialing it down on his first day, or for the sake of the circumstances. She was sure that Fin and Rollins had filled him in on the specifics of Savina's case, without all the horrific details of what he did to her. Amanda had prefered that he stay away from that angle as well, and pursue the Church, and the nuns like Carisi. 

Carisi was the biggest surprise in this case, his insights were not only good, but had panned out quite beautifully. He not only managed to track down her purchases of baby care stuff, but also the various types of pregnancy tests she took, the prenatal vitamins, and her insurance reimbursements for her OB GYN visits. He had even managed to secure a subpoena for her records, and had taken the doctor's statement, which confirmed what they all already knew; Olivia never thought about getting rid of the baby, and was very eager to meet her. And for the first time in nearly fifteen years, Olivia wished her mother was alive. She was the only other person who knew about the pregnancy, and she was sure that Serena would've been all too happy to testify to what a ridiculous, and stupid decision it was for Olivia to keep the baby. Since she never really truly hid her disdain for the child, nor did she hide happiness that she never lived.

* * *

Lucy was standing in the kitchen, washing out the dishes they used for lunch, when she felt her phone vibrate in her back pocket. She quickly dried up her hands, and reached for it, smiling when she saw Olivia's name flashing on the screen. She had been calling every hour on the dot. She quickly hit the answer button and pressed the phone to her ear. 

"Hey, Liv," she greeted. "Yeah, no, everything's fine. She woke up about an hour ago, asked me and Noah to help her wash her hair, and Noah had a blast splashing the shampoo bubbles onto her face and mine. I was just washing our lunch plates," she listed, before she nodded into the phone. "Yeah, she ate some grilled cheese toast, and drank some juice. Noah managed to coax her into eating a cookie, but that's about it. I made sure she took all of her meds, and she's now watching a movie with him," she replied to whatever Olivia had asked on the other end. "They were still picking out a movie when I left them to it, so I don't know yet," she said, before nodding once more. "Of course, I'll tell her. Okay, bye." And with that she hung up the phone, grabbed the plate of grapes, and headed out to the living room. She found Savina lying on her side on the couch, with Noah wedged between her thighs and stomach, as he watched Thomas O'Malley try to entice Duchess on The Aristocats. 

"Sav, your mom called. She said she'll pick you up around 3 to take you to Dr. Lindstrom," Lucy told her, and Savina craned her neck slightly to look at her. 

"Wow, I didn't think she'll be able to get me in that fast. I thought these things usually take weeks," she said.

"They usually do because of the insurance, but if you're paying out of your own pocket, they can usually fit you in sooner. And your mom has known the man for years, which also helped," Lucy stated simply, completely unaware of how Savina's face paled. 

"She's paying for the sessions herself?" Savina mumbled in disbelief, and the tone of her voice made Lucy realize her slip. "These things cost a fortune! I thought that they'd be covered by the city, or social services or something since Dr. Thompson had suggested it," she ranted, and Lucy's brain was going a thousand miles a minute in an attempt to think of something to say to back track. 

"Well, your mom wants the best of the best, and that's Dr. Lindstrom. I'm sure it'll only be temporary until she can get you covered by her insurance as her daughter," Lucy tried, but Savina started to shake her head, as she made a move to get up, her hand already reaching for the phone. "I can wait until the insurance kicks in then," she shot back, but Lucy jumped to her feet, and stopped her. 

"Savina, stop. You don't have to do this. Your mom did the same for Noah when he came into her care; she made sure he got the best care she could afford until she sorted out the legalities and the paperwork of the insurance. She loves being a mom, and this is her way of playing catch up for the lost time. She's been in your shoes, and wants to help you any way she can. Let her," she suggested, but Savina still didn't seem convinced. So she tried a different approach. "I know it's hard for you to accept help, to believe that there are people around you who want to help you, and would do anything for you. I know it'll take time, but you just have to open yourself up to the possibility. I promise you, you won't be disappointed."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooooooooo sorry for the eternally long wait you guys, but things went kinda crazy in my life with the start of summer. And I know I promised someone that I would post a chapter about a week ago, but I had thought I would have internet access on my vacation getaway, but I didn't.  
> So anyways, here's the next chapter, and I promise no more long waits.  
> And for those of you who are following my other SVU fic, the new chapter should be up soon as well.


	25. Chapter 25

The day had gone from bad to worse; even though Dodds Jr wasn't as bad as they all thought, Dodds Sr wasn't subtle about his involvement, or about how his son managed to land such a position in the unit, a unit that already had a Sargent, and without even meeting with the unit's lieutenant. None of them had missed how Olivia disappeared every hour on the dot for a few minutes, but no one commented on it. It was her first day back since Savina's incident, and they all knew it won't be easy. They tried to make her day run as smooth as possible, but sadly, the universe didn't seem to agree with their plan.

Not only was Dodds Sr hovering like a hawk over their heads, making even his own son groan, and smile apologetically, but the straight forward arraignment Olivia and Barba had in court for the Lewis Hodda case didn't go quite as planned either.

Hoda had confessed to kidnapping Hector years ago, and had told them where to find Wyatt. His attorney had worked out a deal with Barba, and they were going to court that day for Hoda to enter a plea of guilty, and for him to allocute to what he did. But instead, he had fired his attorney, entered a plea of not guilty, and claimed that Olivia had bullied him into confessing to a crime he did not commit. And since Wyatt was not testifying, they were only going to court with his confession about Hector Rodriguez, so the fact that he knew where Wyatt was didn't play into account.

Olivia and Barba had met with both Delores Rodriguez, and Laurie Colfax – Wyatt's mother – in an attempt to convince Laurie to let Wyatt testify, but she had adamantly refused. She had claimed that it had taken Wyatt a while to move past the incident, and that she was not going to re-traumatize him.

"Neither of you have any kids," she had stated. "You want to protect your child, not subject them to more harm. You do everything in your power to protect them," she had continued, and Olivia had gotten tongue-tied. She had wanted to tell her that they do indeed have children, two to be exact, one of which will have to face the woman who kidnapped and tortured her for four days straight. But when they had arrested Hodda, she hadn't gotten Noah, and Savina's return wasn't a known fact yet. At the time of Hector's disappearance, she had confided in Dolores that she once lost a child herself, and that she was terribly sorry for the pain she was enduring. She couldn't very well just blurt it out now that her child was alive and well.

It had tore through Olivia when Dolores begged them both to get the man responsible for killing her child, and Olivia knew exactly how she felt. She guessed that she would probably strangle Freed with her own bare hands as soon as they find her, and due process be damned.

They had set a date for the trial, and she had left Barba to the case files, and rushed out to get Savina. She was lost inside her own head, running through every aspect of both cases, in a futile attempt to find something that they had missed before that would make their case stronger. She had already called Savina and told her she was waiting downstairs. She felt like a fraud for not telling Laurie that she was putting her child through the same thing she was asking her to put Wyatt through; for not telling Dolores that her child was alive; for still thinking that she can relate to what Dolores was going through. Her mind was going a thousand miles an hour, and she desperately needed Hodda to pay for what he had done. She had a thousand reasons why, some of them were even personal. Maybe if she saw him getting convicted for what he had done, it will give her some hope that Freed won't be able to crawl out of what she had done through some loophole in the legalities.

The sound of the passenger side door opening pulled her out of her thoughts, and she saw Savina gingerly maneuvering herself into the seat.

"Hi," she said, a bit out of breath, once she was inside the car.

Olivia smiled warmly at her, although it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Hey, sweetheart."

Savina frowned at the forlorn tone in her voice. "Everything okay?" She inquired worriedly, and Olivia couldn't help but smile at how thoughtful she was, before she nodded. "Yeah, long day," she said, as an explanation.

"We don't have to do this today, we can reschedule," Savina offered, but Olivia shook her head. "No, no, that's not what I meant," Olivia back-tracked hastily. She knew that Savina's emotional state was fragile, and Lindstrom had warned her that a seemingly innocent comment might be misinterpreted, so she needed to make her intentions clear, without making Savina feel like she's under attack or being blamed for anything.

"No, I know you didn't. But I'm saying it's okay, it can wait. You had a long day," she suggested, but Olivia shook her head.

"No, baby. The only thing that matters right now is that you're ready to see him," Olivia refuted gently, but when Savina sighed, and rubbed her face with her hands a couple of times, Olivia sensed that there was something else. "Unless you're not ready, and you wanna wait a little. I told you, we're doing this at your pace," she said softly, her hand supporting her weight on the passenger seat, as she turned in her own seat to face Savina.

Savina opened her mouth to tell her that she wasn't ready, that she wanted to wait, but she couldn't. She knew that talking to Lindstrom would help her, and even though she wasn't used to opening up to people, and talking about how she felt, she was doing it more for Olivia and Rafael's sakes rather than hers. She wasn't blind, she knew they were worried sick about her, and she hadn't missed the relief that crept into Olivia's eyes when she told her she was ready to talk to someone, or the worry that increased a thousand fold in an instant when she thought that Savina was no longer ready. She wanted to see him in the hopes that he would be able to help her get her nightmares under control, so that in the very least, she doesn't have to keep waking them up in the middle of the night. They both had jobs, and there was only a limited amount of days where they can survive on next to zero sleep.

Olivia saw the struggle in Savina's chocolate eyes, and she also saw her hesitance to speak her mind. "What is it, sweetheart? Tell me what's on your mind," she urged gently. Her mind was going crazy with scenarios, and she was about a hair away from a full blown panic attack.

"I researched him," Savina stated quietly, her hands now fidgeting with the belt around her waist, and her eyes studying some invisible pattern on her jeans.

"He's one of the best in his field, sweetheart. And he's dealt with this specific situation before. But if you want to talk to someone else, I'll look into it," Olivia assured her.

Savina chuckled nervously. "I know. He's at the top of his field, dealt with thousands of victims, and he's uniquely qualified to deal with this situation specifically," she ranted, and Olivia was confused.

"So why do you want to find someone else?" Olivia wondered in confusion.

"Because I know that my insurance doesn't cover his visits," Savina finally blurted out, as she raised her eyes to meet Olivia's. Olivia frowned in confusion, and shrugged her shoulders questioningly at her. "I'm sure his sessions cost a fortune," she started, and saw Olivia open her mouth to say something, so she held up a hand to stop her. "And I know that you're already working on getting my covered by your insurance, but I don't think it kicked in yet," she finished, and it finally dawned on Olivia.

"Savina, I don't care if he's covered by either of our insurances, or how much his sessions cost. The only thing that matters to me is you. You went through hell for four days, and you fought to survive. But as much as I wish it was, the fight isn't over yet. And I promised you before that I will do everything in my power to get you through this. So if you're ready to talk to him, then we're going. Paperwork, and bureaucracy be damned!" Olivia said, her voice gentle, but firm. Her soft brown eyes holding Savina's hesitant ones the entire time.

Savina nodded slowly, her eyes softening up a bit, as the corners of her mouth twitched slightly. "Thank you," she whispered softly.

Olivia smiled softly at her, the hand that was supporting her weight on the back rest cupping her face gently, and stroking her thumb over her cheek lovingly. "Ready to go?" She asked, her voice slightly choked up by tears, that mirrored the ones in Savina's eyes, who merely nodded.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. I'm a terrible person for making you all wait this long, but between getting my job, traveling, and daily life, this chapter sort of fell through the cracks. I know it's short, but I didn't want to make you wait any longer. I will try to get in another one in the weekend, but I will try to update my other stories first. 
> 
> Thank you all for your patience. Reviews are very much appreciated. 


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the horrendously long wait, but I had some problems in my personal life, but gladly they are now all resolved. Hopefully updates will be more regular now.   
> Let me know what you think of this.

Traffic was slower than Olivia expected, they had barely gotten a couple of blocks away from their apartment building, before traffic came to a complete halt. Olivia looked over at Savina, and found her aimlessly staring out the window.

"What did you guys do today?" she asked. She hated the quiet, it made her mind wander; to Lewis, to the nightmares Savina had, to the week they spent at the hospital, to the night she was taken from her. And she was sure it was far worse for Savina, she remembered what the quiet did to her back then.

Savina slowly turned her head towards her, and smiled, chuckling weakly as she responded. "Watched The Aristocats about half a dozen times."

Olivia smiled, and shook her head. "Forgot to warn you about that. He's a bit obsessed with it," she said, her smiled spreading against her will as she recalled Noah dancing to the songs.

"Obsessed is an understatement! I nearly cracked a rib at his dancing!" she stated, and Olivia laughed. "But I guess I actually prefer old Disney to new Disney, so I guess I should be grateful he's not into any of the new ones," she added.

"Fin and Rafael made sure of that. Neither are fans of the new ones either, so they made sure Noah won't watch any of them during the obsessive stage. Even before I dated Rafael, I wanted to take Noah to one of the new ones, and he threw a hissy fit, bought the DVD for one of the old ones, and invited us over to his place so we can watch it on his larger screen," she recounted, her eyes sparkling slightly as she remembered Noah getting engrossed in Bambi.

"And you didn't realize that he had feelings for you!" Savina's incredulous comment made her laugh even further. "Sweetheart, I think we already established that we were both blind when it came to our feelings for each other," she stated.

"I think he became well aware of his long before you caught on, he just buried them," Savina retorted, and Olivia looked at her questioningly. "What makes you say that?" she wondered, and Savina shrugged.

"Stories that I heard from you guys. The things he used to do for you, the trust he put in you, the vulnerable side only you saw. I think he realized his feelings for you long before you did, but didn't act on them out of fear of losing you if you didn't feel the same," she explained, and Olivia was stunned. It had never occurred to her that all the little things he used to do for her were his way of showing her what she meant for him. But now that she thought about it, it made sense. For the love of God, he pulled every string he got, and called in most of his favors when Johnny D sued her for custody of Noah! That was well beyond the call of friendship! She wanted to bang her head against a wall, but since they were currently inside a car; all she could do was groan loudly.

"I can't believe I was so blind!" she groaned loudly, her heart fluttering a little when she heard Savina laugh next to her. "According to Lucia, that was the one thing they all thought about for three years!"

* * *

Dr. Lindstrom was leading a man out of his office after the end of his session, when he spotted Olivia and Savina entering. He smiled in greeting at Olivia, and gave Savina a warm smile as he reached to shake Olivia's hand.

"Lieutenant, nice to see you," he greeted warmly.

"Thank you, and thank you for seeing us on such a short notice," she apologized, but he put up a hand to stop her. "Don't, I'm happy to do my part." He said, before he looked at Savina. "You're the spitting image of your mother," he commented, as he shook Savina's hand, who looked lost for a second, before she gave him a tight smile. It didn't go unnoticed by him how she immediately looked over at Olivia.

"Dr. Lindstrom, Mr. Delgado just called in to cancel his session, so Ms. Matthews is the last one for the day," his assistant, Laura, stated from her place behind her desk.

"Excellent, we'll have more time to talk then," he told Savina, as he pointed towards the therapy room. "Shall we?" he invited.

She looked at Olivia, who simply pushed a few strands of hair out of her face, before saying, "I'll wait right here. Take all the time you need."

Once they were both inside, Savina looked around uncertainly, as Lindstrom closed the door behind them.

"Take whatever seat you want, this is your session and we will go about it however it makes you feel comfortable," he assured her, as he came to a stop beside her, and she smiled thankfully at him. "And I would also like to apologize about my earlier comment, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," he said sincerely, but also attempting to get her to start talking, since she seemed apprehensive. She gave him a baffled look, so he elaborated, "when I said you looked like your mother."

"What makes you think it made me uncomfortable?" she asked, as she finally settled on a couch that she thought would make her comfortable enough.

"Your reaction, your face blanked for a split second, your smile was a bit forced, and you looked over at Olivia," he listed, and she smiled. "You're good," she commented, and he chuckled.

She broke the eye contact, and looked down at her now fidgeting hands. "It didn't make me uncomfortable. I'm just not used to it," she corrected. "I guess it'll take some time," she added.

"You didn't hear it when you were with your adoptive parents?" he questioned.

"They were both blondes, fair skinned, with blue eyes," she said. "They died when I was four, I don't remember much about them, bits and pieces here and there. But my maternal grandmother, Constance, died when I was 10, but she looked like my mom too," she continued. "I'm not used to belonging anywhere, to being a part of something, to have people around me who genuinely care about me. But now, everybody comments about the resemblance between us. You'd have to be blind not to see it," she stated in frustration.

"And that bothers you?" he inquired.

"No, it's not that. I saw the resemblance the first time she came to the hospital, but didn't think much of it. And her entire face lights up when people mention it," she started. "And I know people mean well when they say it, especially when they comment on a little trait that she and I share, but it…..I…." she stammered, and he leaned forward. "How does it make you feel Savina?" he asked gently. Her eyes welled up with tears, and clenched her fists slightly. "Scared."

It was a bit of an unexpected answer, it's true that people usually react to things differently, but as seasoned as he was as a therapist, and even with all his PTSD expertise, he wasn't ashamed to admit that he didn't expect her to say 'scared'.

"Why does it scare you?"

"Because…She…..I…."she stammered, before she rubbed her face in frustration, and huffed in an attempt to get her emotions under her control. "They've been great with me; her and Rafael. They took me in, they're working around the clock to find Freed, the squad is turning over every stone. And at home," she paused, and Lindstrom suppressed a smile at her use of the word 'home', before she continued. "They do everything in their power to make me comfortable, Rafael hasn't slept since I got out of the hospital because of the nightmare, and she hasn't slept since they found out about me. They're bending over backwards for me, and…." she trailed off, and he stepped in. "And you're scared because you're waiting for something to happen to take it all away. You're scared you'll end up alone once more," he stated and she nodded.

"Nothing good ever lasts for me, and they….." she hiccupped, and he interjected. "They're your parents, they're not going anywhere. They're not some foster family who may or may not adopt you, they're not some temporary living condition that the state has placed you in….they're your parents, they won't abandon you." He told her firmly, but kept his voice calm.

"This is an unusual situation, they can't keep running on next to no sleep because of me. You and I both know that I'm a massive trigger to Olivia's PTSD, and they have Noah to think about. That's why I came, to try to get my nightmares under control. I'm not delusional, I know that this won't be over anytime soon!" she retorted, but he shook his head.

"Savina, I was one of the few people who knew about the baby she lost. Olivia never got over losing you, she mourned you every year. A blind man can see the love she has for you because she never stopped loving you from the moment you were inside her. Yes, this situation is unusual, but they're not usual either. She's been at SVU for seventeen years, and Barba is a lawyer. The entire squad went through harrier situations than this, so they know how to stick together. I won't lie to you, I did worry that the current situation will bring about nightmares for her, and I asked her about it, and she said no. I know you think she'll try to hide it, and you're right, but she won't lie to me. She knows that trying to fight them on her own will have devastating effects on you more than her. Right now, her only concern is you. Believe that, allow yourself to feel the good that comes from finally being with a family. Enjoy the feeling when someone points out similarities between you two, don't try to fight it. Don't try to fight any feeling you have, don't think that you should feel one way, or the other. I won't push you to talk about what happened during those four days until you're ready. Like I said, we'll talk about whatever you want to talk about. But can I make one suggestion?" he inquired, and she nodded.

"I think we need to work on your feelings regarding your new situation, as well as those four days, because the two will go hand in hand, and one will greatly affect how you move past the other," he stated, and she nodded. "So, do you want to talk about that today?" he asked, and she nodded once more.

* * *

After about an hour and a half, and about a hundred magazines later, the door to his office finally opened, and they both emerged. Savina's eyes were puffy and red from crying, but Lindstrom was smiling warmly.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked worriedly, but Savina smiled reassuringly at her. "Yeah, this really helped. Thanks."

"Are we scheduling another session for this week?" Laura asked, and both Lindstrom and Olivia looked over at Savina. "Um, yeah. I guess your schedule will be the deciding factor here," she answered, but Olivia shook her head. "No, baby, I'll work my schedule around you."


	27. Chapter 27

“They have this case,” Savina started, and Lindstrom adjusted his position on the couch. She had been quiet, unusual for her since she had seemed keen on starting the process, if not for her sake, then for Olivia and Rafael’s. He took her at her own pace, never forcing a subject on her. Sometimes, he would lead at first, just to get the flow going, and sometimes she would. But today, she had been quiet. He asked her if she was alright, and she said she didn’t know where to start, so he just told her to take her time. It had been about three mintues, when she finally uttered those words. “It was one of Olivia’s first cases right after she started with SVU, but it wasn’t until three years ago did they finally close it,” she continued. “A young boy had gone missing, and they found his body three years ago. The trial took a turn right around the same time I started coming here,” she added.

“You’re worried that this might be the case with you?” he wondered, not entirely sure how Olivia’s case had any bearing on Savina. Savina shook her head. “No, no. That’s not what I mean. They’ve been pulling late nights at home since the case started,” she elaborated. “And I usually stay up to get some school work done, since I sleep most of the day, or at least try to,” she corrected.

“Nightmares are normal, they’re gonna take a while to shake,” Lindstrom interrupted, and she nodded. “I know, I know. I’m just grateful I don’t freak Noah out, but that’s not the point,” she stopped, and released a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “She seems different, they both do. Suddenly, I can see them looking at me differently, sneaking glances at me as I work, tiptoeing around me. They weren’t like that….it’s…..it’s like they’re waiting for me to fall apart or something.”

Lindstrom smiled, realizing that the subtle looks weren’t of pity or wariness, but something else entirely. “You said the case remained cold for ten years,” he started, and she nodded. “And a little boy had gone missing, and only three years ago did they find his body and capture his killer,” he continued, and she nodded yet again. “Doesn’t the circumstances strike you as slightly similar?” he asked, and she frowned. “Look at it from their perspective, a little boy goes missing, his mother hopes for his return for ten years, only for his body to be found…..” he trailed off when he saw understanding in her eyes. “Kinda like how it was with me, but I was found alive!” she concluded.

“And it’s gonna take more than two weeks for that to be a subconscious thought. Many people when dealing with cases that involve children feel a need to go home and hug their own,” he elaborated, and she nodded. “Those looks are simply reassurances that I really _am_ there!”

* * *

 

Olivia couldn’t believe what had transpired that day, the case was going from bad to worse. And now Huang was testifying for the defense that Hoda made up the confession just because she was aggressive with him. _Bullying_ is what he called it, and now the jury had been deliberating for days…stalling is what Rafael had called it, and he was going to take a deal. Eight years for the murder of Hector Rodriguez! It wasn’t enough…it wasn’t fair……but it was better than nothing. Because she knew as well as he did, that juries that take this long to come to a decision hardly come to a good one. After all, they had done it with her. If only Laurie Colfax would allow Wyatt to testify…this case might have been stronger, and they wouldn’t be in this place right now.

Her heart broke for Deloris, that man killed her baby in cold blood, and now he was barely getting punished for it. All because Huang decided to testify for the highest bidder, and threw his morale and their friendship to the wind. She had spent ten years hoping that one day Hector would return, and they took that hope away the second they showed up at her doorstep in the dead of the night. Olivia knew what was in store for her, she knew how she felt, how she spent the last three years. The birthdays at the grave, the little knick-knacks that you hold on to and keep hidden from prying eyes, the fake smile you wear for people, the tears you cry alone in the dead of the night. She had done it all…she knew _exactly_ what Deloris felt…she had been feeling it for seventeen years. And no matter how hard she tried to hide her pain and agony, cases like these always brought it to the surface. She rested her head on Rafael’s shoulder, glad that she didn’t have to go through it alone anymore. She had him now, she had Noah. Her little boy, her pride and joy, her light in the seemingly unending darkness. She knew that she was probably going to stalk right past Lucy, straight to his room, and cuddle with him on his tiny toddler bed. She was grateful the brunette knew not to take it offensively when she did that anymore, especially that she knew the toll this case took on them both.

She sighed as she entered the apartment, immediately discarding her purse and coat, before she hastily slipped out of her shoes. She heard the rustling of papers, and footsteps in the living room, and she figured she at least owed Lucy a brief greeting, before she beelined for her son’s room. She gingerly walked into the room, trying to get her emotions under control, before she met the young girl. She had a toddler to cuddle to, and a baby to mourn.

“Hey,” she heard the soft voice, and her head snapped up from whatever it was she was studying on the floor to buy herself some time, and her heart sank. How could she think like that? How could she forget? A baby to mourn…her baby wasn’t dead…not anymore. She was alive, standing behind the couch with a few of Noah’s finger paintings in her hand, her hair pulled up, in sweats and a t-shirt, and her wrists in a bandage. She kept staring at her, her eyes brimming with tears of guilt, tears of longing. How could she forget that she got her baby back?

Savina simply smiled softly at her, her pained eyes showing nothing but understanding in them, as she placed the papers on the back of the couch, and allowed them to slide down. “It’s okay,” was all she said, as if she read her mind. And that was all Olivia needed to throw caution to the wind, and purposely cross the living room, before she engulfed her in a hug. She hadn’t hugged her since they got back from the hospital, except once, and it was for a few short seconds. She knew Savina needed her space, and she happily gave it to her. But this case had taken a huge toll on her, she had wanted to hug her every day after court. And as it appeared, it had gotten so bad, that she forgot her baby was alive.

She had expected Savina to tense up a little, but to her delight, she didn’t. She simply raised her arms and put them on Olivia’s back, one hand rubbing it comfortingly. She wasn’t really hugging her, but it was a start. “It’s okay, I’m here,” she whispered into Olivia’s shoulder, and Olivia tightened her arms around her, the tears finally slipping past her closed eyelids. Though she wasn’t sure why exactly she was crying at the moment. Was it the situation? Or was it because she was finally holding her daughter?

Savina smiled at Barba over Olivia’s shoulder, who looked devastated as well, and he too looked like he needed the assurance of her presence. So she offered him one hand, which he took without hesitation and she squeezed it reassuringly.

After a few minutes, Olivia finally pulled back, and cupped Savina’s cheek, who only smiled softly at her. “it’s okay. I’ve been alive for two weeks, and back home for one. Consciously speaking, you know I’m here, you know I’m alive. But it’s gonna take some time for your subconscious to catch up. It spent seventeen years with me being dead, and two weeks – especially with a case like this – won’t erase those. It’s gonna take some time, give yourself that,” Savina spoke softly, her tone gentle, loving and warm. Barba saw so much of Olivia in her, especially the tender, caring side she used when dealing with victims. He smiled at Savina’s thoughtfulness, how she knew what went through her mother’s head. He hadn’t missed how she used the word ‘home’ but didn’t comment on it, and he knew that Olivia noticed it too. He also knew from Olivia’s reaction that what Savina said was true, Olivia – in her current state of distress – forgot that her child was alive and well, and reverted to her default mode of mourning the loss of her child, seeing as how Deloris was mourning hers. He knew the case was hard on Olivia, reminding her of the time she lost Savina, and he knew that as hard as it was to keep a distance from Savina, she desperately needed to hold her, to reassure herself that she was back. He knew the case and the distance were taking a toll on her, but he hadn’t realized that it had gotten to the point that her mind reverted back to a time when Savina was dead. But she was right, it’s gonna take more than two weeks to overpower seventeen years.

* * *

 

The next day, it all went straight to hell. The judge declared a mistrial because the jury couldn’t reach a verdict! A hung jury! A split jury! He guessed it was better than a not-guilty verdict, at least this way they can re-try the case if new evidence ever showed up, but he had serious doubts about that. It was days like this one that he hated Olivia for making him care about the victims more than his bottom line. When he had joined SVU, he had been warned about her drive for justice for the victims, but he was arrogant enough to think that he will be able to shut her down if it’s a lost cause. But as it turned out, she was the only one who could challenge him, and actually win. She changed him, made him better, made him fight harder, not just for the sake of winning, but for justice, for what’s right. But it came with a price, now he was devastated for Mrs. Rodriguez. Hasn’t that woman suffered enough?

They all stood outside the courthouse, wondering where it all went wrong. Most of the jurors were on their side, a couple believed the confession was coarsed, and one believed Lomatin did it!

“Some of the jurors would like to light a candle for Hector tonight,” Deloris interrupted Olivia’s rant about retrial, and Barba’s angry face immediately became one of pain and sympathy for the grieving mother. “Is that alright?” she wondered, and he immediately nodded, “of course.”

She seemed distraught, rightfully so, but thankfully, she didn’t seem to hold a grudge against him. “Thank you, Mr. Barba. I know how hard you tried,” she said after a little pause, placing her hand gently on his chest, and he felt like a terrible lawyer at that moment. He should have won that case for that poor woman. The logical side of his brain reminded him that this wasn’t a perfect world, but he didn’t listen to that side at the moment. He was overwhelmed with emotions, and awe of the woman. She had the presence of mind to reassure him at her current state!

“You guys going to the memorial?” he wondered, his voice choked with so many emotions, he didn’t care to name any. Carisi and Rollins were standing with him and Olivia, since Finn was with Savina at her check-up. Olivia had tried to go with her, but when the jury came back, Savina all but kicked her out of the waiting room, so Finn went to get her instead. All three nodded, so they made their way over to their respective cars. He saw Olivia fish out her phone, and knew that she was checking up on Savina.

* * *

 

People gathered around Hector’s graffiti, lighting candles, and placing flowers. Some of them said a few words to Deloris, and some simply chose to stand in silence and pray for the little boy and his mother. Officer Lomatin was there, as well as most of the jurors, making it clearer for Barba and Carisi which of them were the ones to cause the problem. It reminded them both that a problematic juror is what started the entire situation with Savina, and Barba wished someone had shived Hoda in prison and just saved them all the trouble.

Deloris was inconsolable, she held a picture of Hector close to her heart as the tears silently made their way down her cheeks. She looked over at her large portrait of her baby boy, his face looking back at her, and she wished with everything that she could just hold him one more time.

Olivia was squeezing Barba’s hand so tight, she was sure the circulation was cut off, but it was the only thing she could do to stop herself from sobbing. She put herself in Deloris’s shoes, someone had hurt her baby, a lot of someones……and if one of them ever walked……she couldn’t even imagine it, and she was praying to anyone who listened with everything in her that she won’t have to live it. She dropped her head heavily onto Barba’s shoulder, and that’s when she saw something from the corner of her eye. She raised her head, and found Laurie Colfax standing right behind Deloris, looking up at the picture of Hector herself. She merely smiled at Olivia’s questioning, and surprised gaze, before she placed her hands on Deloris’s back to get her attention.

The Hispanic woman turned around, and sobbed at the sight of the now-brunette. “He’s getting away with this,” she hiccupped past her tears, and Laurie shook her head. “No, he won’t. I spoke to my ex-husband, and to Wyatt,” she started, and Deloris’s dark irises immediately filled with hope. “Wyatt will testify, we’ll cooperate. We’re going to trial, and he won’t get away with this,” she promised her, before she engulfed her in a hug.

Carisi and Rollins both looked baffled, and exchanged glances with an equally surprised Olivia and Barba.

“Will that be enough?” Laurie asked, once she pulled away from Deloris, and Barba nodded wordlessly.

“What changed your mind?” Olivia asked, and Laurie smiled at her, before she turned around and looked at something across the street. They all followed her line of sight, and to their surprise, Savina was leaning against a squad car with Fin standing beside her. “She’s the spitting image,” she commented softly, and Olivia’s head snapped back to look at her.

“Officer Lomatin told me the story,” Deloris started, and Olivia averted her gaze. “I’m very happy for you, Lieutenant. And I’m very happy that you got your baby back after all these years, and don’t have to go through what I am any longer,” she spoke softly as she patted Olivia’s hand. She looked over at Savina, who was still leaning against the car, and waved her over. Savina and Fin both walked over to the small crowd, and Deloris smiled at the younger image of Olivia, as she engulfed her in a hug. “Thank you,” she whispered against her shoulder. Savina simply smiled at her when she pulled back, before she glanced over at Hector’s graffiti. “He’s beautiful,” she stated softly, and Deloris half sobbed half smiled. “So are you. You look just like your mother,” she said, and Savina nodded.

“I know.”

The simple words took Olivia by surprise, especially when Savina reached for her hand and squeezed it, as she snuggled into her side. She looked over at Fin for the first time since her oldest friend showed up at the scene, and he simply smiled and looked at Savina, who was lost in thought as she watched the candle flames dance with the late-night breeze. Olivia’s breath hitched when Savina dropped her head to rest on her shoulder, as a content sigh escaped her lips, their hands still holding on. She desperately wanted to turn around, pull her into her arms, and hold on till the ache went away. But she had more than one reason why she couldn’t do that at the moment, so she simply dropped a kiss to the top of her head, before she whispered, “thank you, baby,” into it. Savina’s only response was to squeeze her hand tighter.

* * *

 

They were all drained after the little memorial they had, both emotionally and physically, so the ride back to Barba’s apartment was a quiet one. They all made quick work of changing into their sleepwear, and Olivia was standing over the sink in the kitchen staring at the water as it circled the drain. This case was particularly hard on her, harder than the rest of them. Hector had disappeared a short while after she joined SVU, her wound of losing her child still oh-so-fresh. She had tried that day to find him, to spare Deloris the fate that she was living. And now, seventeen years later, the situations were reversed. Deloris was still mourning the death of her son, and Olivia got her baby back. She hated herself for thinking that she knew what Deloris felt like, because she didn’t. Her baby was alive, moving about in her room right down the hall. She had gone through a terrible ordeal, but she was alive. Hector wasn’t. They found his body! His decomposed body! There was no chance of him ever coming back. Deloris couldn’t even pray for that miracle. That bastard had robbed her of that chance.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when a hand was placed on her back, and she looked up expecting to find Barba’s golden-green eyes, but she found herself staring into the identical set of dark brown eyes that matched her own.

“You’re not a fraud,” she said softly, and Olivia was taken aback.

“What do you mean?” she almost whispered, her voice hoarse from the lump of emotions in her throat, and the held back tears.

“I saw the look on your face when Deloris said she was glad you don’t have to go through what she is,” she started, and Olivia swallowed heavily. “I know you were lost about what to tell her, that’s why I stayed on the other side of the street,” she continued, and Olivia interrupted her. “Sweetheart, I didn’t……” she tried to say something, but Savina shook her head to stop her, and she was grateful, for she honestly didn’t know what to say to that. “No, it’s okay. I would be lost too, it’s a tricky situation. And the truth is, nobody knows how to handle it, we’re all doing the best we can. But what I do know is this; you’re not a fraud. Thinking that you know how she feels when I’m alive doesn’t make you a fraud. You _do_ know, you’ve lived it for seventeen years. Yes, it turns out it was just one big misunderstanding, but that doesn’t change what you went through for nearly two decades. It was a part of you, a part of your life. You went through it, and me coming back doesn’t just sweep it all under the rug. You know how she feels, because it’s what you felt,” she finished, and Olivia was speechless. Savina merely smiled at her, squeezed her hand and walked away. Olivia stood frozen in her spot, and looked at Barba when he came into view.

“It appears we’ve got ourselves one hell of a daughter!”


End file.
